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\n Niamh O’Reilly<\/p>\n
THERE ARE FEW\u00a0taboos left in the world of parenting these days. The stigma that was once attached to discussing subjects like perinatal depression, gender disappointment, not bonding with your newborn from the off, miscarriage and IVF is all but gone, thankfully.<\/p>\n
Openly admitting you have a favourite child, however, remains very much a taboo subject and is not something parents are ever supposed to say out loud. That is, of course, unless you\u2019re Katherine Ryan.<\/p>\n
The outspoken comedian recently dared to say the quiet part out loud, admitting that she does indeed have a favourite child. \u201cI can say it. Violet\u2019s my favourite. She\u2019s the firstborn daughter,\u201d Ryan told Davina McCall\u2019s Begin Again podcast.<\/p>\n
Ryan, who raised 17-year-old Violet largely by herself after separating from her father, also has three other children: Fred (3), Fenna (2) and Holland (9 months) with husband Bobby Kootstra.<\/p>\n
Begin Again with Davina McCall<\/a> \/ YouTube<\/p>\n \u201c[And] I think people don\u2019t like that,\u201d she continued. \u201cThat\u2019s a very provocative thing to say as well. I don\u2019t worry about it hurting the other kids\u2019 feelings, because guess what? Those are nepo babies.<\/p>\n Violet is my favourite,\u201d she added, because her siblings will get to \u201cgo to private school, grow up with a dad. Life\u2019s not fair. She\u2019s my favourite,\u201d to which McCall replied, \u201cThat makes sense in a way, doesn\u2019t it? They have privileges she doesn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n You can imagine the reception Katherine Ryan received in the comments section after that admission. She was accused of damaging her children by making such an open statement. Something the righteous commenters were quick to declare they could never, ever do. But if we\u2019re being honest, was Ryan just verbalising something that all parents feel deep down inside, whether they want to admit it or not?\n<\/p>\n Do you have a favourite?<\/p>\n The unpalatable truth is we try to hide when it comes up, or we convince ourselves that we are somehow better than the rest, because we don\u2019t have a favourite and could never choose between our children?<\/p>\n Research tells us that most parents do, in fact, have a favourite child. In one study<\/a> in the UK, up to 74% of mothers and 70% of fathers have been shown to exhibit preferential treatment towards one child over another.<\/p>\n Last year, a meta-analysis by the American Psychological Association, where researchers analysed data<\/a> from 30 studies and 14 databases with information on more than 19,000 people found that even if you don\u2019t think you have a favourite child, you probably do, because parents will subconsciously favour daughters, younger siblings and children who are more agreeable and conscientious.<\/p>\n Alamy Stock Photo\n<\/p>\n Having a favourite child feels like the ultimate taboo for a parent because it assumes that we choose one, to the detriment of the other, but the reality is often not so black and white. I could point out plenty of times I\u2019ve unconsciously come down on the side of my youngest over my eldest when they are disputing the result of some game they are playing, because he is the younger sibling, when in fact, I\u2019m meant to be the impartial referee.<\/p>\n Or times when I\u2019ve rewarded my eldest because he is the more reliable one. As the research alludes to, agreeability plays a bigger role than any of us realise. Is it simply human nature, isn\u2019t it? To sometimes gravitate towards the child who goes up to bed without a huge fuss when you\u2019re exhausted or the one who listened the first time when asked to put on their shoes.<\/p>\n Playing fair<\/p>\n The truth is most parents will lean into one child over another or connect with them differently at different stages of their life. Maybe your child has recently taken up the sport you love, and you bond over your new shared interest? Maybe your other child has hit that sweet spot between toddlerhood and the tweenager years and is just bloody lovely company right now.<\/p>\n Or on the flip side, maybe your teenager is in the slamming doors stage at the moment, and you can say nothing right or maybe your toddler is going through the mother-and-father-or-all-meltdown stages (my thoughts and prayers on that one; it will pass, I promise) and you cannot wait for the clock to hit bedtime.<\/p>\n If you ever feel guilty over it, let\u2019s not forget most children will have a favourite parent, that changes with the wind. One day it\u2019s the parent who let them go out for ice cream, another day it\u2019s the one who let them stay up 10 minutes later. I honestly think for the most part, these patches of surface-level favouritism within families are completely normal, once it\u2019s underpinned by the fundamental that you love and adore your children equally; and that\u2019s the big difference. I\u2019d happily jump in front of a speeding train for either of my kids, and feeling like you\u2019ve a favourite for a day is completely different to a change in how you love them. That\u2019s got to be the constant.\u00a0<\/p>\n Alamy Stock Photo\n<\/p>\n You get the sense that\u2019s the case with Katherine Ryan and her saying the quiet bit out loud was one part tongue-in-cheek, and by her own admission, one part a protective instinct. A way to rebalance the scales for her eldest, whom she feels was at a disadvantage compared to her subsequent children. Still, thinking it and saying it out loud feel like two very different things, and I can\u2019t help but feel it\u2019s not a card you should ever play lightly, if at all.<\/p>\n In other cases, where telling someone they are a favourite child is less well-intentioned, that perceived parental favouritism has been associated<\/a> with low self-esteem in children, as well as childhood anxiety, depression and behavioural problems<\/a>.<\/p>\n![\"perrycoxschwimmer-friends-season-10-2003\"](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/1786361113_47_.jpeg\")
\n Ross Geller, the favourite child (R) according to his sister, Monica, in Friends. Alamy Stock Photo<\/p>\n![\"modern-family-abcs-modern-family-stars-ariel-winter-as-alex-ty-burrell-as-phil-sarah-hyland-as-haley-julie-bowen-as-claire-and-nolan-gould-as-luke\"](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/1786361113_74_.jpeg\")
\n Alex Dunphy, left, is often referred to as a favourite child in Modern Family. Alamy Stock Photo<\/p>\n