{"id":65551,"date":"2025-09-15T13:55:08","date_gmt":"2025-09-15T13:55:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/65551\/"},"modified":"2025-09-15T13:55:08","modified_gmt":"2025-09-15T13:55:08","slug":"a-mahjongg-newbie-tried-to-bully-her-way-into-our-game","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/65551\/","title":{"rendered":"A mahjongg newbie tried to bully her way into our game"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Eric<\/strong>: I am a mahjongg enthusiast and instructor, and I run a mahjongg social at a public park.<\/p>\n

We have a group of 20 to 50 players who meet up and use tables reserved for our group. Everyone knows how to play, and we welcome all levels of players. We do not, however, provide lessons, as it is a complex game to learn.<\/p>\n

A young woman approached me as the leader of the group and demanded to be placed at a table, although she did not know how to play. She had been playing a matching tile game on her phone which calls itself mahjongg but has nothing to do with the actual game, in either its Asian or American variant.<\/p>\n

I told her I would be unable to place her, but she was welcome to observe, and I could provide information on where to take lessons. She said, \u201cWell, that\u2019s not very inclusive,\u201d and became insistent that she could just sit down and \u201cpick it up.\u201d When I told her it was too complex to learn that way she began to berate me and ask me personal questions about whether I have ever been excluded. I referred her to the park staff, who spoke to her.<\/p>\n

When I was leaving, I saw that she had bullied one of our players into giving her a free lesson.<\/p>\n

My question is, if she should come to our next session, how should I handle it? And does \u201cinclusion\u201d really extend to this situation?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Odd One Out<\/p>\n

Dear Out:<\/strong> This person was misusing terminology about inclusion to get what she wanted, which is not appropriate, nor does it serve anyone. However, to avoid similar situations, I think you should be clearer about what your policies are.<\/p>\n

You write that you welcome all levels of players, so do you welcome beginners, or not? And what constitutes a beginner? If your group wants to set as a rule that everyone who joins has to first take a lesson, that should be the standard for everyone. This group is large enough that these kinds of guidelines are not only helpful, but necessary.<\/p>\n

Put your head together with the other people who run this group and discuss what growth looks like for the group. Is there a desire to limit the size of the group? Are there steps to gaining entry? To whom should potential players submit their applications?<\/p>\n

Putting systems in place helps to standardize your practices. If you put them in writing \u2013 in print or online \u2013 it will also help you navigate future conversations with prospective players.<\/p>\n

Dear Eric:<\/strong> First, let me admit I am not very social. I genuinely do not like to stand around chit-chatting, especially when I\u2019m in the process of working on something.<\/p>\n

I moved into a new neighborhood two years ago. I have spent that time working on redoing the landscaping, both front and back yards \u2013 new flower beds, took out the lawns, put in raised beds, et cetera.<\/p>\n

My problem is people walking by who try to talk to me about what I\u2019m doing and why. I\u2019m not trying to be rude; these people are, for the most part, complimentary in their comments. But the thing is, I\u2019m trying to work on my property in peace.<\/p>\n

How can I nip these interactions in the bud?<\/p>\n

Seriously, I know I\u2019m antisocial. I do love my gardening, though, and when I\u2019m out doing that, well, that\u2019s what I want to do, not talk to a neighbor about why I chose red peonies over pink. Help?<\/p>\n

\u2013 Might Be a Jerk?<\/p>\n

Dear Might Be:<\/strong> There\u2019s nothing wrong with protecting your peace. Even though, as you acknowledge, there\u2019s also nothing wrong with friendly, casual conversation with a neighbor, if it doesn\u2019t bring you joy \u2013 or actively sours your mood \u2013 it\u2019s fine to opt out.<\/p>\n

Because making conversation about people\u2019s gardens is often welcomed and encouraged, you may not have much success getting your neighbors to stop, short of posting a sign \u2013 \u201cPlease Do Not Disturb,\u201d perhaps?<\/p>\n

However, a more frictionless option might be wearing earphones or earbuds while you work. You don\u2019t even have to necessarily be listening to anything.<\/p>\n

Just as a person working in a garden is often seen as someone open to being asked questions, a person listening to something on their headphones is often interpreted as someone who doesn\u2019t want to be disturbed. It\u2019s also easier for you to wave and return to work without seeming rude if you\u2019re clearly otherwise engaged.<\/p>\n

Even without props, however, I think it\u2019s perfectly fine to let your neighbors know you appreciate their compliments, but you\u2019re preoccupied by the task at hand. Try telling people, \u201cNot trying to be rude; just really focused at the moment. Have a great day!\u201d<\/p>\n

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.<\/p>\n

Originally Published: September 15, 2025 at 2:28 AM PDT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Eric: I am a mahjongg enthusiast and instructor, and I run a mahjongg social at a public…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":65552,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73],"tags":[46149,46142,46145,79,46151,11726,18,46143,46146,3519,5184,19,17,46144,11913,46150,824,4119,46147,46148],"class_list":{"0":"post-65551","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-business","8":"tag-antisocial","9":"tag-asking-eric","10":"tag-bully","11":"tag-business","12":"tag-chitchat","13":"tag-conversation","14":"tag-eire","15":"tag-eric-thomas","16":"tag-exclusion","17":"tag-game","18":"tag-gardening","19":"tag-ie","20":"tag-ireland","21":"tag-mahjongg","22":"tag-neighbors","23":"tag-passers-by","24":"tag-privacy","25":"tag-public","26":"tag-unqualified","27":"tag-yard"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65551","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=65551"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65551\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/65552"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=65551"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=65551"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=65551"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}