A Supreme Court justice, the Secretary of Defense, and the FBI Director walk into a bar\u2026.<\/p>\n
That was the premise of Saturday Night Live<\/a>\u2018s Cold Open this weekend, as three-time host Matt Damon<\/a> reprised his September 2018 take on Brett Kavanaugh<\/a> opposite Colin Jost<\/a>\u2018s Pete Hegseth<\/a> and returning guest Aziz Ansari<\/a>\u2018s Kash Patel<\/a>.<\/p>\n Damon first played Kavanaugh in SNL\u2018s Season 44 opener, on the heels of the then-SCOTUS nominee\u2019s infamous \u201cI like beer\u201d testimony during his confirmation hearings. Ansari meanwhile served up SNL\u2019s first send-up of Patel just last week, again opposite Jost\u2019s Hegseth.<\/p>\n In this week\u2019s Cold Open, Hegseth rolls into a D.C. watering hole, \u201cfist-bumps\u201d the jukebox off, and orders his \u201cusual \u201cfrom Kenan Thompson\u2019s bartender: \u201ca shot of beer with a pint of whiskey dropped into it\u201d\u2014or, a \u201cReverse Irish Car Bomb.\u201d<\/p>\n As Hegseth laments that no one on Trump\u2019s team likes drinking as much as he does, who bellows from the back of the bar but Damon\u2019s Kavanaugh: \u201cOrder in the court!\u201d And his order? \u201cI find in favor of six Bud Lights and three shots of Jame-O!\u201d<\/p>\n Kav tells Hegseth he had a feeling he also was at the bar, since \u201cI saw all the women covering their drinks. It\u2019s fun we share that.\u201d<\/p>\n The two get to effusing about how they are both \u201ckicking ass right now\u201d at their respective jobs. \u201cCan you believe I started a war?\u201d marvels Heg. Kav counters, \u201cCan you believe I ended abortion? Your body, my choice!\u201d<\/p>\n The justice asks how the war in Iran is going, and SecDef insists it\u2019s \u201ctotally chill. Like me at a DWI checkpoint, it completely blew over.\u201d<\/p>\n Kavanaugh gets serious for a moment, suggesting that \u201cthe real war\u2026 is the war against male loneliness.\u201d He then gets to missing his old drinking buddies, including \u201cGang-bang Greg\u201d and \u201cDr. William Cosby,\u201d saying, \u201cI wIsh more people in this administration could really hang.\u201d<\/p>\n Enter Anzari\u2019s Patel, asking, \u201cDoes this bar take Kash?!,\u201d followed by high-fives all around.<\/p>\n \u201cCheck this out: I made my own FBI bourbon<\/a> with my own name on it,\u201d Patel excitedly tells Hegseth and Kavanaugh, remarking, \u201cSomehow this is a real thing, that is real<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n The Supreme Court justice then pulls the guys close to share \u201ctop-secret\u201d news\u2026.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re gonna let Trump do a third term,\u201d he giddily reveals. When Hegseth lightly questions the legality, Kav explains, \u201cTrump found the original Constitution and at the end he wrote, \u2018Syke!’\u201d<\/p>\n Thompson\u2019s barkeep shares some news of his own, and it\u2019s bad\u2014it\u2019s last call.<\/p>\n Hegseth gives it some thought, then says, \u201cI\u2019ll drink a whiskey drink.\u201d Kav? \u201cI\u2019ll drink a vodka drink.\u201d And for Patel: \u201cI\u2019ll drink a lager drink.\u201d At which point they join together for a few bars of \u201cTubthumping,\u201d before saying, \u201cLive from New York, it\u2019s Saturday night!\u201d<\/p>\n Watch the full Cold Open at the top of this post.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A Supreme Court justice, the Secretary of Defense, and the FBI Director walk into a bar\u2026. That was…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":64866,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_share_on_mastodon":"0"},"categories":[120],"tags":[33444,3428,16059,9217,6429,16058,37949,18,9257],"class_list":["post-64865","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-pete-hegseth","tag-aziz-ansari","tag-brett-kavanaugh","tag-chloe-fineman","tag-colin-jost","tag-kash-patel","tag-kenan-thompson","tag-matt-damon","tag-pete-hegseth","tag-saturday-night-live"],"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@people\/116550193783429345","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64865","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=64865"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64865\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/64866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=64865"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=64865"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/people\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=64865"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}