Old mother and her adult daughter with financial problems at home
There is a uniquely toxic resentment that brews when adult children feel they have earned an inheritance that is being denied to them.
It is a feeling that often masks itself as a demand for justice, when what it really represents is a demand for control.
In the UK, we place a very high legal value on the principle of testamentary freedom – the right to leave your money to whomever you choose, regardless of what your family might expect or feel they deserve.
For this week’s Money Problem reader Priya, 44 from Surrey, that principle has collided spectacularly with her own expectations.
She has housed her mother-in-law for six years and is now furious to discover her £600,000 estate is going to a cat sanctuary charity rather than her grandchildren.
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Wondering if she has any legal recourse, she asked me, Metro consumer champion Sarah Davidson, for help.
The question…
Priya’s mother-in-law is leaving her money to a cat sanctuary instead (Picture: Getty Images)
My husband and I both work full time and between us we earn just over £200,000 a year. We have two children at private school, a large mortgage and a very comfortable life.
The problem is that my mother-in-law, who lives with us rent-free in our annexe has just told us she is leaving her entire estate – which includes a property worth around £600,000 – to a cat sanctuary.
She says she disapproves of private education and thinks we are ‘wealthy enough already.’
I am furious. We have housed her for six years, paid her bills and taken her to every hospital appointment.
Surely she has a moral obligation to leave something to her grandchildren.
Is there any legal way to challenge this?
The answer…
Priya, I can entirely understand why you feel aggrieved.
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You have opened your home, absorbed the financial cost of her living expenses and taken on the emotional and practical labour of caring for her as she ages.
Only to be told that the reward for this is a big fat zero.
I have a couple of observations.
The first is that you are confusing a moral expectation with a legal right. Your mother-in-law’s money is exactly that – hers.
You can afford private school, which your mother-in-law doesn’t approve of (Picture: Getty Images)
Under English law, the principle of testamentary freedom means anyone of sound mind can leave their estate to absolutely anyone they choose.
They can leave it to a cat sanctuary, a political party, or a stranger they met on the bus. They do not have to leave a single penny to their children or grandchildren.
You asked if there is a legal way to challenge this.
The short answer is yes, there is a legal mechanism, but the longer answer is that your chances of success are vanishingly small.
The Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 allows certain people to challenge a will if it fails to make ‘reasonable financial provision’for them.
Spouses, children and people who were financially dependent on the deceased can bring a claim.
However, the courts do not use this Act to rewrite wills just because they seem unfair or ungrateful. They use it to prevent genuine financial hardship.
What would you do if you were in Priya’s situation?
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Accept your mother-in-law’s choice and move on.Check
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Attempt to have a calm discussion with her about reconsidering.Check
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Suggest she contribute financially to the household expenses.Check
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Consider other living arrangements for her.Check
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You and your husband earn £200,000 a year. You own a property with an annexe. You send two children to private school.
No judge in the land is going to look at your household finances and conclude that you require ‘reasonable financial provision’ from your mother-in-law’s estate to avoid destitution.
The fact that she disapproves of your spending choices – specifically private education – is entirely her right.
My second observation is that you’re viewing this whole exchange as purely financial.
Your big fat zero is measured in pounds – not in love, care, duty, responsibility, grace or generosity.
You might argue that you have suffered a financial loss by housing her rent-free for six years.
She might argue she bore the financial cost of bringing up your husband for 18 years.
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Unless you had a formal, written agreement that she would pay you back via her estate, the courts will view your hospitality as exactly that: a voluntary gift from a child to a parent.
If you are genuinely struggling to carry the cost of her living with you, the solution is not to wait for her to die and then sue a cat charity.
The solution is to sit down with her now and explain that she needs to start contributing to the household bills from her own income or savings.
She has made her boundaries clear regarding her estate.
It is now up to you and your husband to decide what boundaries you want to set regarding her living arrangements.
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