By Rebecca Barnes, Publisher, Prince William Living
It’s that time! Families are preparing for a new school year. Shopping for supplies, meeting teachers, and adjusting sleep schedules often top the to-do list. But for many children, returning to school also brings feelings of nervousness or uncertainty.
The good news? According to Dr. Emily O’Gorman, a child psychologist with UVA Health Children’s, some back-to-school anxiety is a normal part of growing up and usually isn’t a cause for concern. “Back-to-school anxiety isn’t a sign that something is wrong,” O’Gorman said during a recent media briefing. Instead, it often reflects that children recognize they are about to experience something new.
Anxiety Looks Different at Every Age
Children of all ages can experience back-to-school anxiety, but the reasons often vary depending on their stage of development.
For preschoolers and younger elementary students, the biggest challenge is often separating from parents or caregivers. Older children and teenagers are more likely to worry about friendships, fitting in socially, academic expectations, or bullying. Major life changes, including changing schools, moving to a new community, or transitioning from elementary to middle school or middle to high school, can also increase anxiety.
Parents whose teenagers have experienced social anxiety can help by making the unfamiliar feel more familiar before school starts. Touring the building, locating classrooms, identifying a trusted counselor, and encouraging participation in clubs or sports can help students feel more comfortable before the first day arrives.
What Parents Should Watch For
Back-to-school anxiety often begins in the days before school starts and usually becomes less intense after the first few weeks. Children may express their worries in physical, emotional, or behavioral ways.
Common physical symptoms include stomachaches, headaches, and difficulty sleeping. Emotional signs can include clinginess, irritability, repeated questions about school routines, or resistance at bedtime. In some cases, anxiety may even appear as defiant behavior when the child is actually feeling overwhelmed.
If physical complaints become frequent or continue beyond the start of school, O’Gorman recommends checking with a pediatrician to rule out any underlying medical concerns before assuming anxiety is the cause.
Supporting Without Reinforcing Fear
When children express anxiety, parents naturally want to make them feel better. O’Gorman encourages families to do two things at the same time: acknowledge the child’s feelings while expressing confidence in their ability to cope.
She describes the approach as “acceptance plus confidence.” For example, a parent might say, “I know you’re nervous, and I know you can do this.”
That simple message lets children know their feelings are valid while reinforcing that they are capable of handling difficult situations. After school, parents can also build confidence by recognizing specific examples of bravery, such as walking into school independently, meeting someone new, or trying a challenging activity.
Keep the Expectation of Going to School
Although staying home may seem like a quick solution, avoiding school often makes anxiety stronger over time. O’Gorman encourages parents to maintain the expectation that children will attend school while providing the support they need to succeed. Facing challenges gives children opportunities to discover they can manage uncomfortable feelings and become more confident with each experience.
Preparing Before the First Bell
Parents can make the transition easier by easing back into school routines several days before classes begin. Helpful strategies include moving bedtime and wake-up schedules closer to school hours, practicing the morning routine, visiting the school, meeting teachers when possible, shopping together for supplies, and reviewing class schedules. Research also suggests that arranging time with friends before school starts can help children transition both socially and emotionally.
Parents should also remember that children often mirror the attitudes of the adults around them. While anxiety can be contagious, O’Gorman says confidence can be contagious as well. Remaining calm and optimistic can help children approach the new school year with greater confidence.
Knowing When It’s Time for Extra Help
For most children, back-to-school anxiety fades after the first couple of weeks. Parents should consider seeking professional guidance if anxiety continues well beyond the beginning of the school year, causes children to regularly miss school, results in repeated visits to the nurse’s office, or begins affecting weekends and other parts of daily life instead of only school days.
Starting Conversations With Older Children
Older children and teenagers are not always eager to discuss what they’re feeling. Instead of asking directly whether they are anxious, O’Gorman suggests asking open-ended questions about their day, friendships, or experiences at school.
She also notes that conversations often happen more naturally during car rides, when parents and children are talking side by side instead of face to face. Praising effort, even when outcomes are imperfect, can also help children develop resilience and confidence over time.
A Reminder for Parents
As families prepare for another school year, O’Gorman hopes parents remember that feeling nervous about something new is a normal part of childhood. Rather than trying to eliminate every anxious feeling, parents can help children build lifelong coping skills by listening calmly, validating their emotions, and expressing confidence that they can handle new challenges. In many cases, that support is exactly what children need to begin the school year with confidence.
