As a general rule, most people would rather be happy than unhappy. The trick is to figure out how to maximize the pleasure-pain ratio.

According to the so-called “paradox of happiness,” the more you seek happiness, the more elusive it becomes. How, then, can you get to your desired outcome without falling prey to this impossibility?

Unpacking the Paradox of Happiness

In a recent thought-provoking review, University of Berkeley’s Iris Mauss and University of Toronto’s Brett Ford (2026) address the happiness paradox, noting that the “pursuit of happiness is a human universal with a mixed track record.” Consistent with the tenets of positive psychology, sometimes it’s better to focus on your situation at the moment, flaws and all, rather than try to force out an unnatural sense of joy.

You can probably relate to this if you think back on a day when you had high hopes for how things would go. Out with a group of your favorite people, you sit down for what you expect to be a “perfect” evening. You want to be happy, but within moments of the event getting underway, someone makes an annoying comment. Suddenly, you’re embroiled in a very unpleasant debate, and it all goes downhill from there. If only you could push rewind and start all over again. You wouldn’t let that comment detract from your mood.

Mauss and Ford believe that it is precisely because people strive for happiness that they become led into the very opposite set of emotions. Letting happiness flow over a situation without forcing it should be far more effective. They suggest doing this requires breaking down the pursuit of happiness into parts.

5 Steps in the Path to Happiness

As laid out in their theoretical model, you can reach the desired outcome of happiness by going through these five steps:

  1. Setting a happiness goal. Happiness-related strivings, such as agreeing with the statement, “I try very hard to be happy,” needn’t set you up for failure. The problem isn’t aspiring to happiness; it’s what you do to reach that goal that can create misery.
  2. Affect regulation. Happiness is, “at its core,” an affective state, note the authors. In affect regulation, you adjust your affect to align your current state with the goal. Sometimes you have to turn things up and at other times turn them down. One important way to do this is through cognitive change. Sure, this person said something that irked you, but was it meant to be annoying? Maybe there was a legitimate basis for the misunderstanding. Convincing yourself that the remark was intended to be mean will only bring you down, so instead look for a possible saving grace.
  3. Monitoring. Think about and reflect on how you are actually feeling. Quoting Socrates, who noted that “the unexamined life is not worth living,*” the authors suggest that while you can overthink your emotions, maybe you can benefit from savoring the moment. Look around at the people with you who, by definition, you care for and enjoy. Letting that remark slide can get you back to a position of enjoying these particular individuals. Importantly, the authors suggest that monitoring your affect can help you determine whether you are in fact on track to achieve your happiness goal.
  4. Responding. Now you’re in a position to judge your happiness. Maybe everything isn’t perfect. Well, that’s okay. Consistent with the idea of mindfulness, noticing your emotions without judging them can help promote acceptance. Mostly, everything is going well, so you have every reason to be happy. Furthermore, accepting the fact that nothing is ever perfect can allow you to notice the brief obstacle to your happiness without becoming devastated.
  5. Taking context into account. Thinking about your social, cultural, and systemic contexts becomes the last step in the path to happiness. This might be a tall order, but not if you break it down. While out with friends, you obviously wish to be happy, and the situation is set up to achieve just that (minus the potentially annoying comment). But sometimes the situation isn’t one that can, or even should, foster happiness. Would you regard it as appropriate to be happy if you saw something that disturbed you during the event? Maybe your eye flickers across the room to a television screen showing a wildfire that had gotten out of control. Or perhaps the conversation shifts to social problems that have been of great concern to you. Rather than shove that out of awareness, accept that life has its imperfections, which can impinge upon your own mood.

Taking the Happiness Pathway to Heart

As the authors conclude, despite the universality of happiness as a goal, many people “find ways to fumble it.” Taking the middle road between pitfalls and promises within each of these five steps can help you ensure that you’ll keep the fumbling to a minimum.

It’s also important to differentiate between the components of happiness, which include eudaimonia (finding meaning and purpose), evaluation (satisfaction), and affect (feelings of pleasure). There may be times when you feel what you’re doing is fulfilling your sense of purpose even though it’s painful at the moment. You might also feel contentment rather than joy as you reflect on broader themes of your life. Happiness doesn’t always have to equal ecstasy.

To sum up, the pursuit of happiness can be paved with promise rather than pitfalls, especially if you know how to capitalize on the strategies that will help you keep your eye on your long-term goals.

*Fans of the musical Wicked will undoubtedly recognize this quote from “Dancing Through Life.”