From dubious health and safety advice to comical quips, these are the phrases that stick in our memories from childhood
A boat on the roof of one Salford family’s home made by dad, John Worthington. Photo 1968
Manchester dads are renowned for their epic one-liners, phrases so memorable we often find ourselves echoing their nuggets of wisdom and cracking their classic jokes. Whether they’re grumbling about the house being ‘like Blackpool illuminations’ or claiming they’re ‘off out to see a man about a dog’, these local idioms have become ingrained over time.
We couldn’t let Father’s Day pass without reminiscing about some of the unforgettable sayings our dads imparted during our youth. Previously, we’ve asked MEN readers for sayings and threats they remember hearing their dads say in years past.
A word of caution: not all dad-isms are examples of political correctness, and although some may appear rather stern, they were always dished out with a wink. From whimsical witticisms to questionable advice on safety, it’s these sayings that linger in our minds from the days.
Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive compilation – there’s certainly a lot more out there. If you reckon there’s a prime paternal quip out there deserving a shout-out that we’ve overlooked, why not pop a comment below?
1. “It’s not the cough that carries you off, it’s the coffin they carry you off in”.
Here’s a dad-phrase that just trips off the tongue. The meaning of the message here is really not so much about your demise, but rather the dignity with which you meet it – or something like that.
2. “Never trust a man who can’t look you in the eye when he’s talking to you”
Words of wisdom indeed. While Mancunian dads are known for their wit and warmth, they are also fiercely protective.
3. “Stop skriking”
A dad’s response to you whinging about, well, just about anything.
4. “Next time I’ll tell yer Mum”
Children soon learn how to play one parent off against the other. However, if you stepped a little too far out of line, the threat of mum being informed was always a formidable deterrent.
5. “It’s like Piccadilly Circus in here”
Usually said whenever you had more than one friend round and things were getting a bit too rowdy.
6. “Don’t sit on cold floors, you’ll get piles”
A familiar phrase to many, and one that successfully deterred us from settling on a cold surface at all costs.
7. “Ask your mother”
A perennial classic that came out when your dad just didn’t want to deal with your nonsense.
14-year-old Arthur Waterworth of Droylsden shows off his tattooed forearms to his father. January 13, 19568. “You’ll be smiling on the other side of your face”
A typical threat when your dad was being wound up.
9. “Don’t stand near the fire, you’ll get corned beef legs”
Standing too close to fireplaces and heaters was strictly off-limits. Mancunian dads wouldn’t want any accidents happening on their watch.
10. “Sit that close to the telly and you’ll get square eyes”
Seems a wild bit of advice now we live a good portion of our waking hours with a phone screen inches from our faces. But for past generations, the thought of waking up with robot eyes seemed real – although it never really kept us from sitting crossed legged right in front of the TV.
11. “Put wood in th’hole on your way out”
Did you have a habit of leaving the door ajar when you left the room? If so, this one’s for you.
12. “Plenty of corporation pop in the tap”
You’d likely hear this if you asked your dad for money to buy a drink from the shop. ‘Corporation’ refers to the local authority and while ‘pop’ meant tap water, not the fizzy stuff.
Father and daughter take part in the Whit Walk. June 1960(Image: Mirrorpix)13. “I’ve seen more life in a tramp’s vest”
You probably heard this a lot during your moping, teenage years for being too lethargic and not enthusiastic enough for dad’s liking.
14. “Turn off the lights. It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here”
This expression of disbelief would be used when too many lights were left on in rooms that weren’t being used. Usually, it referred to just one light, typically in a room you were in.
15. “I’m not a taxi service”
You knew he’d give you a lift, he knew he’d give you a lift, but not without making a fuss about it first. But never reply with the line – “I know, I’m not paying you”. It doesn’t go down well. Neither does shouting “onward” when your dad begrudgingly puts his key in the ignition.
16. “Stop whining or I’ll give you something to cry about”
This also sounds like something many mums would say. If we were sensible, we’d stop crying, but sometimes we’d continue sobbing just to see what the consequences would be.
17. “You make a better door than a window”
This was a polite way of asking you to move out of the way so your dad could see something.
18. “I’m going to see a man about a dog”
In true dad humour, we all knew what this meant. The phrase is used as an excuse to leave a situation, whether to use the toilet, buy a drink, or something else.
Freddie Garrity, lead singer of the Manchester pop group Freddie and the Dreamers, playing with his three year old daughter Jackie. May 24, 196719. “Don’t come running to me when you break your leg”
Dads are always ready with a bit of sympathy when they see their kids getting overexcited. This phrase is usually followed by “it’ll end in tears”.
20. “I’m not made of money”
He’s not, but you know he’ll cave in if you pester enough – or get mum on your side.
21. “If the wind changes your face will stick like that”
This was often said when you were caught crossing your eyes or making daft faces. The scientific accuracy of this statement was always questionable.
22. “Your head will cave in if you pick your nose”
A classic favourite. This was either a deterrent against nose picking or a challenge to test the theory.
23. “Were you born in a barn? Shut the door”
Never leave any door open. Ever. Your dad was thinking about the heating bill again.
24. “If they jumped off a cliff would you?”
This saying would get a dusting off if you compared yourself to another person or child who was allowed to do something you weren’t.
25. “I’m not going to tell you again!”
Whatever you’re doing or whinging about, just stop – it won’t end well.
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