A reader wants to take £300-£400 of her mum’s pension income to help cover her bills as they have increased since she took her in, but she feels bad

In our weekly series, readers can email in with any financial dilemma and enter the Money Moral Maze.

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This week’s dilemma can be found below – email us at money@inews.co.uk with yours.

Dilemma

My 78-year-old mum moved in with us two years ago after a fall made it clear she could no longer live alone.

We did look at care homes or other care options, but the cost was eye-watering – around £1,200 a week in our area – and she was heartbroken at the idea. So, we offered to have her live with us.

It has worked, mostly. She has a small annexe, we help with washing and medication, and we do most of the cooking. But it is a big emotional and financial strain.

I have had to cut my hours at work, and my husband and I have noticed an increase in our bills – food, heating, water – especially during winter. We are definitely worse off than before, even without childcare costs, now our two kids are older.

Mum gets a state pension, plus a small private pension that brings her income to about £1,000 a month.

At the moment, she keeps it all. I have been wondering if it is unreasonable to ask for £300-400 a month towards household costs.

That is still a huge saving on what she would have spent in a care home, and I would not keep it for myself; it would actually go into a separate account for bills and maybe a cleaner or some respite care.

I feel so guilty, though, even thinking about it. She is my mum and she looked after me growing up.

I do not want her to feel like a burden or that she is paying to be in her own family’s home. What should I do?

Emily Braeger, The i Paper’s money reporter, replies

I am glad you wrote in because this is such a relatable dilemma – one I think a lot of people are quietly grappling with.

Let’s start with the obvious: what you are doing is incredibly generous. Taking in a parent is not just about offering space; it is about emotional labour, unpaid care work, and often financial sacrifice.

You have made a loving decision, and now you are wondering if love has to mean being completely out of pocket.

Asking your mum to contribute to shared household costs is not the same as charging her rent. Yo are not profiteering, you are trying to keep things sustainable for your whole family, which includes her now, too.

It sounds like your plan is fair. £300-£400 a month is still significantly less than what she would be paying for even modest care, and your idea of using it for bills or a cleaner is spot-on. It ensures her quality of life is better, not worse.

What I would say is, the key thing is how you approach it. Frame it as her helping you – the same way she probably did for you countless times when you were younger.

Make it an open and chilled conversation about fairness and shared living, not guilt or obligation.

Many older parents want to feel like they are still contributing, so give her that dignity. And give yourself some credit, for caring, for asking the right questions, and for wanting to get this right.

It is not about charging your mum. It is about recognising that family support flows both ways – and always has.