Illustration by Photo illustration by The Globe and Mail. Source images: Getty Imges
The Beneficiary: West Coaster “Helen” is a 64-year-old newly retired teacher who has a complicated relationship with her family. “My sister was the favourite child of my mother, who didn’t seem to like me at all,” she says. Part of their problems stems from her mother’s anger at Helen’s marriage. “My husband is younger than me and his ex was younger than him, so my stepchildren are still teenagers,” she says. Her sister, who was also their mom’s caretaker and executor with power of attorney, has a son whom Helen says grandma considered her only grandchild.
The Inheritance: When her mother recently passed, well into her nineties, Helen had minimal expectations for any money and, for all the reasons above, never asked. “Mom was a Depression-era baby, a bit of a hoarder who hung onto things forever, including money,” she says. “I thought maybe she’d give me a little bit, maybe $50,000 or something. But not nearly $500,000, which is what I got.”
If Helen seems ambivalent about her money, it’s because she is. “It felt weird to get this much money from her at this time in my life after everything that happened,” says Helen.
After digging deeper, it turned out mom had a new will that bequeathed far more to her other daughter, including a multimillion-dollar urban home plus all its contents. In that context, Helen’s inheritance takes on a new meaning. “I almost think the money is like a bribe not to sue my sister,” she says.
Complicating things further, Helen and her sister are now reluctant co-owners of a pair of derelict cabin properties that need a ton of love and care that Helen isn’t willing to give. “I just want to sell and walk away,” she says. “My sister really wants to keep them for her son but can’t afford to maintain them and pay property tax.” Helen now has the liquid cash to help out but isn’t particularly inclined to give away her already far smaller share of the pot.
What she did with it: First, Helen hired a lawyer, who advised her against legal action. “They said I’d got enough money, and trials are long and expensive and I might not win anyhow, so suing didn’t make much sense,” says Helen. The lawyer’s advice was actually a relief, as Helen didn’t want to make an already difficult situation worse.
She’s quick to acknowledge two sides to every story: “My sister did take care of my mother more than I could, and I’m grateful for that,” says Helen, who paid her half of the cabins’ tax bill this year as a gesture of goodwill. She’s also offered to help clean and sort the house (so far, no response).
Could reconciliation have been her mother’s plan all along? “If Mom gave me this money in hopes of bringing me and my sister together, it didn’t work. I worry this is probably the end of our relationship.”
No matter how many problems her inheritance has sparked, Helen’s trying to enjoy it the best way she can. “I took my family on a cruise to Alaska, and I bought a new car,” says Helen, though she couldn’t bring herself to tell her sister about either. The rest has been put away in GICs for her stepsons, provided they do some research and do something wise when the GICs mature. In the meantime, nobody wants to talk about the money. “My nearest and dearest are unsettled by it. It’s such an uncomfortable discussion now.”
What she learned: If Helen could go back in time and make her mother’s decisions, she’d have much preferred to own one of the two cabin properties rather than be a joint owner of both. The money also would have been far more useful earlier in her life. Being a joint executor with her sister and sharing executor duties would likely have helped them avoid this sticky situation altogether.
“I don’t know, because we never talked about it, but I think my mother thought that any money she gave to me was ultimately going ‘out’ of the family,” says Helen. In that case, suggests Helen, her mom might have skipped all ambiguity and bequeathed everything directly to her grandson. “It could go into a trust and help set him up for a better future.”
Some details may be changed to protect the privacy of the person profiled. We want to thank them for sharing their story. Have you recently received an inheritance and would like to participate in Inherited? Send us an e-mail.