The holidays tend to be a time for gathering, with work parties, family dinners and school showcases. And socializing can be awkward! But avoiding awkwardness can also get in the way of fun and connection.

So if you’re considering bailing on your community potluck or office party because you’re anxious, read this first!

Here are six tips from psychologists Ali Mattu and Fallon Goodman on how to embrace the awkwardness and practice social courage.

An illustrated comic shows a variety of cards and invitations. Text at the top of the screen reads: “For many people, big events like weddings and birthday parties are less fun and more anxiety inducing.” The cards below say: “Oh no, it’s yet another birthday you have to attend” with a sweating face. “With deepest regrets … we invite you to our wedding …” “Office holiday party! Theme: Sorry to do this to you all!” Below, text reads: “When that’s the case …”

An illustrated comic shows an image of psychologist Ali Mattu in the top left of the frame. Speech bubbles emanating from his mouth read, “It’s kind of like playing a video game on hard mode. Your mind sees threads in the environment.” Below, a video game depicts the main character as a block head going through Level one. A person pops out of a pipe and says “hello!” An option appears in two-bit text reading: “initiate small talk?” Options are “Yes” “No” and “Run away.”

An illustrated comic shows an image of psychologist Ali Mattu in the top left of the frame. A speech bubble emanating from his mouth reads, “You start to believe you know how people are seeing you, how they’re thinking about you and judging you.” Below, the video game character is surrounded by angry-looking mushrooms, plants, and a sun. The two-bit text reads: “Everyone hates you. Game over.” With a frowny face.

An illustrated comic shows an image of psychologist Fallon Goodman in the top left of the frame. Speech bubbles emanating from her mouth read, “The thing about anxiety is that in the short term, it feels really good not to encounter the thing you’re anxious about. I challenge everyone to ask: What do I have? What do I need?” Below, the video game character enters Level 2. A green two-bit box pops up that says: “New tools unlocked! Inventory: key, speech bubble, heart, question mark”

Black text in an orange text box at the top of the frame reads: “Here are six tips from psychologists about how to deal with your anxiety — rather than repressing it.” An illustration below shows two kids facing a television with the block-head video game character from earlier panels on the screen. One kid turns to the other kid and says, “Do you know any cheat codes for this game?” The other child responds, “I wish.” Below, black text on an orange text box reads: “We’re offering tips for everyday social anxiety that we all feel at intense times. There’s also social anxiety disorder — one of the most common mental health disorders, which has a lot of treatment options with trained professionals.”

Black text on a yellow star reads: “tip 1.” Next to the star, black text in an orange text box at the top of the frame reads: “Build low-stakes social interactions into your everyday life.” Below, a two-bit version of psychologist Fallon Goodman appears in a pop-out box. Text bubbles emanating from her mouth read, “It feels really effortful to go out, make plans and a time to meet. People can feel like it’s not worth it.” Below that, the word “Hint!” Appears in a green semi-circle. Below, black text in an orange box reads: “Big events are like boss-level socializing. Start small!” To the right, the video game character walks up to a barista at a coffee shop. Text reads: Side Quest: Talk with the shop clerk.

At the top of the frame, the word “Hints!” Appears in a green semi-circle. Below, dark text in an orange text box is divided into two points, denoted with arrows. They reads: “Start with building a daily routine of small, low-stakes socializing, like talking to a cashier, classmate or co-worker.” The second point reads: “The more practice you get, the more comfortable you become with some awkwardness.” Below, on the left side, a block-head video game character walks up to the barista in a two-bit scene and says, “Hello! One tea, please. I like your shirt.” To the right, the block-head character earns one bonus point for making small talk with the barista. In the frame below, the tea seller, named Wesley wearing a cat tee-shirt says, “Thank you! I got it at the thrift store next door.” A friend meter at the bottom of the screen glows as one point is added.

Black text on a yellow star reads: “Tip 2.” Next to the star, black text in an orange text box at the top of the frame reads: “To prepare for an event, make a game plan. Small, concrete goals can help ground you if you’re ever feeling lost.” Below, a block-head video game character makes their way through a two-bit maze. There are other block-head characters, question boxes, and a plant with teeth popping out of a pipe, in the maze. Two-bit text at the top of the maze reads: “Set a goal for yourself: 1) Talk to one new person. 2) Ask two questions.”

At the top of the frame, black text in an orange text box reads: “And make an escape plan! Give yourself an out to leave when you really want to.” Below is an image of the two-bit video game. It shows the block-head character saying, “Must run to take care of my cat.” Next to the block-head character, an orange two-bit cat with a bowl of food and a floating heart above its head says, “Mrrow!” At the top of the video game, text in a green pop-up reads, “Bus ticket acquired!” The character acquires a +1 heart at the top of the screen. They are now in level 2.

At the top of the frame, the word “Hints!” Appears in a green semi-circle. Below, dark text in an orange text box reads, “Part of the game plan can be naming your biggest fears about the event.” Below, a two-bit version of psychologist Fallon Goodman appears in a pop-out box. A text bubble emanates from her mouth that says, “Be specific.” Below that, an arrow points to two-bit text that reads: “voicing your fears ahead of time can help make real life less scary.” Below, an exclamation point in a triangle appears next to more text that reads, “Your worst-case scenario will probably not happen!” To the right, the two-bit video game character appears in a pop-out box. Next to the character, a red box with white text reads, “Possible boss fights.” Below are three scenarios, illustrated in a two-bit style. 1. Spill drink on crush. A spilled water glass is next to a broken heart. 2. Make a joke & no one laughs. A blockhead character has a speech bubble with an exclamation point. To the right is another speech bubble with ellipses. 3. Run into your ex. On the left is the block-head character. On the right, an orange block-head with a swoop of black hair has a speech bubble that says, “hi.”

Black text on a yellow star reads: “Tip 3.” Next to the star, black text in an orange text box at the top of the frame reads: “Put away your phone! Looking at our phones is a 'safety behavior' — something we do in a social setting to feel more secure. But staring into your phone is not a way to connect with others.” Below is a two-bit scene with a villainous, anthropomorphized smartphone. The phone says, “Mwahaha!” “Look at me!” Next to the phone, a sunburst shape with text inside reads, “Boss level!”

At the top of the screen, a two-bit version of psychologist Fallon Goodman appears in a pop-out box. A text bubble emanates from her mouth, reading, “A safety behavior could be: 'I’m not gonna say much. I’ not gonna speak up. Because if I do, I might get rejected.” Below is a two-bit scene with a villainous, anthropomorphized smartphone. The phone says, “You are powerless to resist my soothing screen!” To the left of the phone, a blockhead video game player stares at the phone. Next to them, a green pop-up box reads: “Actions: Attack! Hide phone. Throw phone in toilet. Divert: Say hi to a human.”

Black text on a yellow star reads: “Tip 4.” Next to the star, black text in an orange text box at the top of the frame reads: “Embrace the awkwardness. It’s totally normal for conversations to have awkward silences and miscommunications.” Below is an illustrated image of psychologist Ali Mattu in two-bit style. A speech bubble emanates from his mouth, reading, “The cost of social interactions is cringe.” Next to him, three bar charts say, “Cringe meter”, with each bar going down in value. Below, the word “Hints!” appears in a green semi-circle. Below, dark text in an orange text box reads, “If an event has awkward moments, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.” To the right, a two-bit video game scene shows a blockhead video game player facing another blockhead character. Above, an orange banner reads, “Buffering … thoughts loading.” A buffering wheel appears between the two characters.

Black text on a yellow star reads: “Tip 5.” Next to the star, black text in an orange text box at the top of the frame reads: “For a stressful event, bring a friend who can support you.” Below, a two-bit video game scene features a green pop-up box that reads, “Two-player mode unlocked!” A blockhead player next to an orange cat, choosing between three companions: a dark blue blockhead with a hair swoop, a blue blockhead with a baseball hat, and a yellow blockhead with a baseball hat.” Below, the word “Hints!” appears in a green semi-circle. Below, dark text in an orange text box reads, “Choose wisely! It can be scary to go to an event alone, but just as stressful to bring someone who actually escalates your anxiety.” To the right is a green pop-up box that features “Items: Snax, H20, Cool rock” and illustrations of those items.

At the top of the screen, dark text in an orange text box reads, “You want a friend who will offer reflection and help you feel confident — rather than socially silo you.” Below, a two-bit video game scene shows a two-bit blockhead player who says, “Was that bad?” The companion responds, “That party was awkward, but I’m proud of you for going. You did great!” The two characters eat snacks. To the left, a green pop-up box says, “Items: Snax, H20, Cool rock” and features illustrations of those items. Below, a pop-up box reads: “Action! It can help anxiety to debrief after an event.” To the right, a two-bit version of psychologist Fallon Goodman appears in a pop-out box. A text bubble emanates from her mouth, reading, “We don’t want to lie to ourselves. Start with “How did I do?” Did your biggest fear come true? “

Black text on a yellow star reads: “Tip 6.” Next to the star, black text in an orange text box at the top of the frame reads: “To move the spotlight off yourself, ask questions! Social anxiety can create a “spotlight effect” where we feel like everyone is watching us.” To the right, a two-bit video game scene depicts a blockhead character entering a room filled with other blockhead characters and disembodied eyes. A spotlight shines on them, and a thought bubble appears above their head that reads, “I’m surrounded!” To the left, a pop-up box reads: “Action. Give your conversation partner a chance to shine!”

At the top of the frame, the word “Hints!” appears in a green semicircle. Below, dark text in an orange text box reads, “Try open-ended questions that give people space to share.” Below, a two-bit illustration of psychologist Ali Mattu appears, with a speech bubble above his head that says, “Many of us are trying to be interesting when the key to social interaction is actually: be interested.” To the right, a two-bit video game scene shows a blockhead player interacting with a companion. Speech bubbles say, “Uh … what have you been doing for fun?” The companion responds, “Hm … I’m playing a new game.” The blockhead player responds, “Oh cool! What is it?”

An orange banner at the top of the frame reads: “Building your social courage takes time and intention. But anyone can level up.” Below, a two-bit scene from a video game says, “Multiplayer mode unlocked!” And shows a blockhead player with a heart over their head. Three other blockhead companions appear next to the player with speech bubbles that say, “Love you, friend!” “Let’s go!” And “We got you!” An orange cat trails the friends with a heart over their head. At the top of the scene, a bar says “Level: 10” and a health indicator displays four hearts.

This comic was written and illustrated by Shay Mirk, a graphic journalist, editor, and teacher and the author of Making Nonfiction Comics: A Guide for Graphic Narrative.

This comic was reported by Andee Tagle and edited by Beck Harlan. The podcast episode was produced by Clare Marie Schneider.

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