April opened with Trump’s “liberation day”. His team slapped massive tariffs on countries worldwide, with the UK bagging the lowest rate on offer at 10%. The EU, meanwhile, was whacked with 20%. Downing Street reluctantly conceded this was a Brexit win. Though die-hard Remoaners like Lammy still couldn’t bring themselves to choke out the words…
Even with that Brexit victory, the Brexiteers sent up the bat signal throughout the month as Starmer plodded onwards down his well-worn path back towards Brussels. The government prepared to accept “dynamic alignment” on a range of goods, including agrifood, and to bow to rulings from the European Court of Justice on sanitary and phytosanitary rules under the new deal. Fishing rights were lined up for surrender. May’s EU-UK summit only delivered worse news for anyone still clinging to hope…
Then came the UK steel furnace crisis, as British Steel’s Scunthorpe plant – in the hands of Chinese owner Jingye Group – threatened to shut down the last remaining UK blast furnaces. An emergency Saturday vote in Parliament was held to ram through plans for state control of what’s left of British Steel. Labour MPs congratulated themselves for “working on a Saturday”, while ministers tiptoed around any mention that this could be Chinese sabotage…
A brief glimmer of sanity arrived when the Supreme Court ruled that a woman is, in fact, a biological female – prompting various sporting bodies to ban trans women from competing in women’s sports. Obviously this triggered the usual meltdown on the left, with the BBC even offering “inclusive environment” therapy sessions for distressed staff. Despite Labour welcoming the ruling, Guido reminded co-conspirators of every single time Starmer and his frontbench couldn’t answer the simple question: “What is a woman?”…
Meanwhile, Netflix produced a perfectly watchable mini-series called Adolescence. Most people agreed it was fine, if a bit heavy-handed and preachy. In Downing Street, however, it was decided Adolescence was the best thing since Citizen Kane. Starmer insisted it be shown in schools and claimed everyone in Parliament should watch it. Apparently it would cure endemic misogyny and reboot teenagers’ brains. Weeks later Downing Street still couldn’t confirm whether Cabinet Ministers had bothered pressing play. Predictably Labour used the show to cook up more regulation; Starmer discussed a social media ban with the director, while MPs used the panic to float a new streaming tax. Any excuse for more red tape and higher taxes…
Honourable Mentions:
Headline of the Month:
Starmer-Praising Factory ‘Worker’ Is Deputy Labour Council Leader