From the outside, Briar Kirkby’s life looked perfect – a gorgeous home, a beautiful family and a thriving business. And, most importantly, her health.
But inside, she was miserable – trapped in what felt like a prison. For years, she was treading water as her marriage went from one crisis to another.
‘We had so many problems that we put up with for so long,’ Briar, now 60, from Perth, told the Daily Mail.
‘I lived in a champagne world and had everything we wanted. It took me a long time to leave because I believed you were supposed to stay married. But for years, towards the end, our family was just broken.’
Most of the marital problems stemmed from Briar’s husband’s expectations of her.
‘Nothing was ever good enough for him, including me. Nothing I ever did, wore, said, cooked, how my hair looked,’ she claimed.
At the time, Briar was juggling working up to 80 hours a week running her business as a conveyancer, raising four boys, cooking for the family and doing household chores.
She had to hire a nanny to help her keep up with daily tasks.
For a long time, the couple buried their heads in the sand. Briar’s husband’s solution was to build them a second home, which took two and a half years to complete.
Briar Kirkby’s life was in turmoil for years while separating from her husband
But in 2015, their relationship finally reached breaking point.
‘One day he yelled, “I want a divorce!” and I was like, “Okay, finally.” And that was it.’
When Briar sat her sons down to tell them about the separation, her eldest was just starting Year 12.
‘I packed a car full of personal belongings, went out the front door and knew there was nothing left in that house for me. I reassured my boys we’d figure this out and they came with me,’ she said.
Briar would later sell many of her personal belongings for extra cash because of the financial strain of the separation.
‘I had a wardrobe sale, went to Cash Converters, sold my two favourite handbags. Even my third oldest son said to me, “Mum, you can sell my PlayStation,”‘ she said.
‘We moved into a small rental, bought cheap Kmart dinner sets, and I learned how to keep a roof over our heads and cook $10 dinners.’
‘Friends helped us out – one turned up with a small washing machine which got us by. We went through hell and back.’
‘I was sick, stressed, constantly tired, and I gained weight even if I didn’t eat,’ Briar said
As the divorce went through the courts, Briar and the boys managed the best they could.
Eventually, she received enough money from the estate to buy a property in Bali, which she renovated to lease out – but she insists times were still tough.
As time went on, she saw a counsellor, saying the legal process had turned her into an ‘angry person’ and was, in turn, negatively impacting her health.
‘I was emotional, stressed, vomiting, not eating but getting fatter, and just angry all the time,’ she said.
By late November 2023, she was so run-down, but kept going. Perhaps most distressing of all was her weight gain, which was doubly confusing because she wasn’t over-eating – she simply couldn’t afford to.
‘I thought it was just me and my body type. I was so embarrassed by how fat I was and hated myself,’ she said.
One day in 2023, Briar started coughing up blood. Doctors found a lump at the back of her throat which was cancerous
Briar was diagnosed at 58
Then, one morning at the end of that year, Briar was renovating the Bali villa when she started coughing up blood.
She was also running a fever, had a headache and felt dizzy.
‘I pushed on. Working for myself, I didn’t have the luxury of sick leave,’ she said.
‘But later that same day, I collapsed.’
Briar was taken to hospital where she was put on an IV drip and told she was too unwell to fly home to Australia.
All she could think about was the fact that two guests were due to check into the villa in a couple of days’ time. She couldn’t afford to lose the money, she thought.
Despite the doctor’s warning, she caught a flight anyway.
‘A week later, I went out to dinner with friends and thought I had a piece of lettuce stuck in my throat. But when I looked, I couldn’t see anything. The next morning I got out a torch and saw a nasty red lump at the back of my throat,’ she said.
After returning to the doctor, she found the lump became more inflamed when touched. It soon doubled in size.
‘Over the next few weeks, I couldn’t swallow, breathing was an issue and I was snoring like a chainsaw. I went to my regular doctor and had a round of tests – MRI, CT scan and a PET scan.’
A week later, Briar received a shocking diagnosis: throat cancer.
The symptoms of throat cancer
Throat cancer generally refers to cancers that start in the pharynx or larynx (voice box), but can also refer to cancers that start in the oesophagus (food pipe) or thyroid.
Some cancers that begin in the throat area, as well as the tongue, salivary glands, sinuses, nose or ear, are classified as head and neck cancers.
Symptoms for throat cancers can include:
- throat pain
- shortness of breath
- persistent sore throat or cough
- coughing up blood
- changes to the voice such as hoarseness
- difficulties swallowing
- feeling there is something stuck in the throat
- lumps in the neck or throat
- sudden unexplained weight loss
Source: Cancer Council
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‘Doctors thought it was 5-6cm when it was in fact 16cm and at the back of my throat,’ she said.
‘I’ll never forget hearing the words, “You have cancer.” I just thought, “Why me? Haven’t I been through enough?” I thought divorce was hard – this was something else.’
Soon after the diagnosis, there was another setback: the surgeons couldn’t operate to remove the lump because it was too close to her vocal cords.
Briar was offered chemotherapy but, concerned about the side effects, refused. Instead, she opted for six months of radiotherapy, which is generally easier to tolerate day‑to‑day than chemo.
She supplemented this with natural treatments like soundwave healing and Reiki.
After concluding the treatment, she received welcome news from her doctor: ‘Your results are perfect. I don’t want to see you for 12 months.’
‘It was a huge weight off my shoulders. I have no idea what worked – but something did,’ she said.
While no one can say for sure what caused Briar’s cancer, she believes that stress from her separation was an aggravating factor.
‘My stress levels were through the roof, I stopped exercising, made poor food choices, worked long hours and my job pressure didn’t help the situation,’ she said.
‘I was pushing a lot, I worked 14 hours some days, little sleep and then rinse and repeat.
‘I neglected all the signs to look after myself. I even flew to Bali sick to renovate my second villa. I ignored the signs.’
Research conducted by the National Cancer Institute found evidence to suggest that chronic stress may cause cancer to get worse (progress) and spread (metastasize).
Now, Briar has regular check-ups but is still frightened the cancer might return.
She is also still living with the side effects of radiotherapy – including a lack of saliva, which should return in 12 months.
‘We all say, “We’ve got the rest of our life to live,” but have we? When I realised this, I no longer sit still. I paint, read, listen to music, garden, catch up with friends – we all have to find the things that top up our cup.’