The news that Manchester United are planning to produce a television series with a major U.S. production house instantly conjures a million artistic possibilities, many of them very funny.
The botched transition to life after Sir Alex Ferguson? Very Succession. Loads to work with there. They could easily turn the Ed Woodward era into a mockumentary, a quiet symphony of misplaced ambition. The Front Office, perhaps. Or, if they’re feeling really expansive, something darker, even existential. One man — one young, confident Portuguese man — clings bravely to his beliefs as the rest of the world falls into groupthink. Pluribus, essentially, but with all the stuff about the human condition replaced with long lectures about 3-4-3 formations.
Those ideas and plenty more will have to remain on the back burner for now, however. For United and Lionsgate — the home to major film franchises including The Hunger Games and Twilight — are aiming for something along the lines of The Crown, a Netflix production that told the story of Queen Elizabeth II over six seasons between 2016 and 2023.
Photographs of actors, including Olivia Colman as Queen Elizabeth II, from the Netflix series The Crown (Justin Tallis/AFP via Getty Images)
On the one hand, this is probably the biggest no-brainer since Erik ten Hag’s contract extension a couple of summers ago. United have a huge global fanbase that, you would expect, would be at least open to the idea of watching a dramatisation of the club’s history. While many will be familiar with the broad sweeps — the humble beginnings, the tragedy of Munich, the European redemption, the sustained glory of the Ferguson years, the modern malaise — there is plenty of scope for decent storytelling here.
Dramas about football history can have huge crossover appeal, too. The Damned United, anchored by Michael Sheen’s indelible Brian Clough, was a critical success. A previous attempt at telling the story of the Munich air disaster, 2011’s United, was warmly received. Even the formulaic The English Game — aka Downton Xavi — found an audience.
The question, of course, is whether it can survive a descriptor that will have set off a flashing red light in the mind of anyone even vaguely acquainted with good taste. A drama about Manchester United? OK, I’m still with you. An in-house drama about Manchester United? Be right back, just nipping to the hospital to ask about these hives.
We may be all right. Breaking with protocol, United do appear to have at least approached the right man for a job, with acclaimed TV writer and director Jed Mercurio (Line of Duty, Bodyguard) involved in talks about the project. A United fan, he would lend the thing a veneer of seriousness from the outset.
Jed Mercurio alongside the real Queen Camilla on the set of his TV drama Trigger Point (Eddie Mulholland – WPA Pool/Getty Images)
Still, you have to wonder how the tenets of good art will fare when they interface with the United hierarchy. Sir Jim Ratcliffe, the Glazers… let’s just say that the budget might be a movable feast. Does Mercurio enjoy working with green screen at all? Do these actors expect to be fed on set?
There is also, of course, the possibility that Jason Wilcox — think of him as the creative force, the man behind the man, the Lancashire Jerry Bruckheimer — will need lasting veto power on the whole process. Wilcox will of course have strong opinions about camera angles and lighting; Mercurio will ignore them at his peril.
Thoughts naturally turn now to the casting. Just who will play Ferguson, Sir Matt Busby, Wilcox and the other bona fide United icons? The Athletic has some thoughts. Some are more sensible than others.
Sir Matt Busby
The Crown covered such a vast stretch of time that multiple actors were needed to play each character as they aged. Busby and Ferguson, the two titans of the United dynasty, will require similar treatment.
The brilliant Stephen Graham bears a passing resemblance to the young Busby and should be able to see us through a few seasons. Gary Oldman can shave off his straggly beard to take over for the latter years.
Could Gary Oldman play peak Matt Busby? (Gilbert Flores/Variety via Getty Images)
Bobby Charlton and George Best
We will need contrasting figures for these two United stars. Johnny Flynn has the stature and intangible dignity of the young Charlton. Cillian Murphy would have been a decent Best a few years ago but we need to go younger. Aaron Taylor-Johnson has the appropriate glint in his eye.
Denis Law
Scottish, not very tall… yes, obviously Mercurio is getting his good mate Martin Compston involved here. Have you heard the stories about Law grilling Paddy Crerand about the identity of ‘H’? You will soon!
Sir Alex Ferguson
The perfect young Ferguson would, of course, have been the late Mark McManus, who played hard-boiled Scottish detective Taggart in the TV series of the same name between 1983 and 1994. David Morrissey also has a bit of Fergie to him but is probably a shade too old now.
A personality as big and complex as Ferguson’s calls for major acting chops, so the dream selection is Daniel Day-Lewis, the master of the brooding character study. Brian Cox, who can rant and rave with the best of them, will tag in once Day-Lewis is aged out.
A brooding Brian Cox? Perfect Sir Alex Ferguson fodder (Borja B. Hojas/WireImage)
David Beckham
Another Mercurio favourite, Richard Madden, will look the part with a shave and enough Brylcreem. We will also need a Victoria, of course; her feud-by-any-other-name with Ferguson is ripe for revisiting. We’ll probably have to find a Brooklyn, too, at this rate.
Roy Keane
Last seen towering over Steve Coogan’s weirdly wimpy Mick McCarthy in the Saipan film, the mesmerising Eanna Hardwicke should just stay in character for United duty. So what if you’re tired?! It’s your job!
Eanna Hardwicke. Just do your job! (Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images for IMDb)
The Neville brothers
Obviously we have to have real-life brothers and United could probably do with keeping Gary — a one-man media empire — sweet for the length of the series. Chris Hemsworth, then, almost as good-looking as GNev himself, with his slightly dowdy brother Luke cast as good old Phil.
Ed Woodward
Simon Farnaby for laughs, Toby Jones for pathos.
Kath the receptionist
Every story about an empire needs a down-to-earth hero to ground it. Kath Phipps, a beloved servant of the club for many decades, is guaranteed to play a major part in whatever show emerges. She will be played, naturally, by Vicky McClure and Judi Dench.
Cristiano Ronaldo
Tricky one. Not many actors are that muscular — or that shiny.
The only real option is to rope in Harris Dickinson and tell him to revive his look from Triangle of Sadness — ripped, vain, slightly confused — only with more baby oil.
Harris Dickinson as Cristiano Ronaldo? Interesting (Julie Sebadelha/AFP via Getty Images)
Sir Jim Ratcliffe
Obviously Adrian Dunbar, repurposing all of his best bits from Line of Duty in the service of cutting flab and waste. “Now we’re sucking diesel!” Quick, someone rewrite the INEOS Compass, this stuff is pure leadership gold.
Jason Wilcox
Brad Pitt. Do not challenge this.