“I began questioning myself constantly — whether I was even made for motherhood at all.”
For the Bengaluru-based
mother of a teenage daughter, Anitha Shivappa, those feelings did not arrive dramatically. They appeared quietly, in the silence between sleepless nights and endless feeding sessions.
As we celebrate
Mother’s Day today, conversations around motherhood are often centred on joy, sacrifice and unconditional love. But far less attention is given to the emotional and psychological toll motherhood can sometimes bring. Postpartum depression, or PPD, continues to remain under-discussed in India despite affecting thousands of women every year.
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Motherhood can be deeply rewarding. But what it takes to become and remain a mother is often ignored.
In a candid conversation with Firstpost, Anitha Shivappa, a Bengaluru-based sales director at a leading software company, recalled her experience with postpartum depression.
At first, she believed she simply needed to cope better. After all, exhaustion was supposed to be part of motherhood. Women around her had gone through it too. But what she was experiencing went far beyond tiredness.
Beyond the “Baby blues”
Childbirth is not only a life-changing event but also a major neuroendocrine event for
women, explains Dr Aninda Sidhana, Psychiatrist and Psychosexual Medicine Specialist and National President, WICCI National Women’s Mental Health.
“Hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, physical recovery and the emotional adjustment to caring for a newborn can all affect mental health during the
postpartum period.”
According to Dr Sidhana, nearly 70 to 80 percent of women experience the “baby blues” after childbirth. These are temporary emotional symptoms that usually appear within the first few days after delivery and gradually settle within two weeks as hormone levels stabilise.
But postpartum depression is different.
Unlike temporary mood changes, postpartum depression can persist for months and severely affect a woman’s daily functioning, emotional stability and ability to bond with her child. It may involve persistent sadness, hopelessness, emotional numbness and anhedonia or the inability to feel pleasure.
For Anitha, the signs began nearly two months after her daughter was born.
“I wasn’t sleeping, feeding had become a battle, and my body was covered in painful blisters from trying to nurse her,” she recalls.
Her daughter struggled to feed properly, and every feeding session became a source of fear and anxiety. Exhausted and emotionally drained, Anitha repeatedly visited the paediatrician, hoping things would somehow improve.
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One consultation changed everything.
“The
doctor turned and started speaking to my husband instead,” she says. “That was the first time I saw my situation through someone else’s eyes.”
Until then, she had convinced herself that she simply needed to try harder. During the consultation, the doctor explained that severe sleep deprivation and emotional exhaustion were affecting both mother and baby. She was prescribed antidepressants.
“If left untreated, the condition can worsen into postpartum psychosis, a severe psychiatric emergency where there may be risk of harm to both mother and child,” warns Dr Sidhana.
STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS ADThe silence around maternal mental health
In India, postpartum depression affects an estimated 22 to 23.5 percent of women, according to Dr Sidhana. Yet many cases continue to remain undiagnosed.
One major reason, she says, is the “silence culture” surrounding maternal mental health.
Women are often raised to believe that marriage, childbirth and caregiving are responsibilities they should naturally know how to handle. Emotional suffering is normalised. Struggles are dismissed. Mothers are expected to endure quietly.
“Admitting to negative feelings about motherhood is heavily stigmatized,” Dr Sidhana says.
Mental health conversations also remain heavily stigmatised within families and communities. According to Dr. Sidhana, women’s emotional symptoms are frequently dismissed as “drama”, mood swings or weakness.
The taboo around postpartum depression is deeply rooted in communities. Reuters
Vinita Sivaramakrishnan, says this silence became visible through the many stories she encountered while building Project Born in India, a platform focused on birth experiences and maternal narratives.
“A recurring theme I’ve noticed is that many women feel relatively more prepared for birth itself than for what comes after,” she says. “There’s often such a strong focus on the baby that the mother’s emotional recovery quietly takes a backseat.”
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Vinita, who is also a mother of two and recently paused her career to spend more time with her children, says women frequently describe feeling overwhelmed, isolated and emotionally stretched after childbirth, but often without the language or space to express it openly.
For Anitha, the emotional fog was so intense that she barely remembers large parts of that period clearly.
“The sleep deprivation was so intense that I genuinely couldn’t tell day from night anymore,” she says. “Everything from that phase feels like one big blur now.”
Isolation, guilt and the pressure to “Handle it all”
After childbirth, Anitha found herself isolated not only emotionally but physically as well.
She spent most of her days confined to a single room because of strict postpartum practices being followed around her. She was discouraged from stepping out into sunlight, using a fan, or eating anything outside a highly restricted diet.
“I was told not to step into broad daylight, not to use a fan because the baby might catch a cold, and to eat only restricted food,” she says.
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The emotional isolation slowly deepened. Her daughter cried constantly and barely slept. Each day felt heavier than the previous one.
“I started questioning whether I was even made for motherhood at all,” she says.
“I felt helpless, isolated, and deeply lost.”
Dr Sidhana says these feelings are more common than many families realise.
“There’s this unspoken narrative of, ‘Every woman goes through it, so how difficult can it really be?’” Anitha says.
That mindset, she believes, prevents many women from recognising that they need support.
Dr Sidhana says unrealistic ideas around motherhood further intensify this pressure. Social media, she adds, has only worsened these expectations. Carefully curated images of “
perfect mothers”, celebrity pregnancies, rapid weight loss after childbirth and idealised parenting content create what she describes as a “Pinterest mom” culture.
The result is often comparison, guilt and feelings of inadequacy.
What support really looks like
For both experts and mothers, one message remains central: support systems can make a significant difference during the postpartum period.
“Healing is not a solo act,” says Dr Sidhana.
She believes support should move beyond giving advice and instead focus on actively sharing responsibilities and emotional care. Listening without judgement, helping mothers rest, offering reassurance and simply being emotionally present can all help.
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Vinita notes that women who felt emotionally supported during postpartum often described the experience very differently from those who felt isolated or unheard.
For Anitha, recovery began gradually through the people around her.
Small moments slowly helped her reconnect with herself again. Short walks. Family drives. Time outside the house. Small reminders that life still existed beyond exhaustion.
“I kept telling myself I had to find my way back,” she says. Over time, she says the experience made her stronger and more self-aware.
Today, she speaks openly with her teenage daughter about struggle, vulnerability and mental health.
“I want her to see me as human, not as someone who has all the answers,” she says.
More importantly, she wants her daughter to grow up knowing there is no shame in asking for help.
Recognising the early signs
Mental health experts say one of the biggest gaps in maternal healthcare remains awareness around postpartum depression.
Some early warning signs include persistent sadness, inability to sleep even when the baby is asleep, panic, emotional withdrawal, unexplained crying, overwhelming guilt, frightening intrusive thoughts and loss of interest in daily life.
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She says mothers may also describe feeling emotionally disconnected, trapped in a “fog”, or unable to experience joy even while caring for their child.
According to experts, postpartum mental health support should include emotional validation, family involvement, professional counselling where needed, and creating safe spaces for women to speak honestly about their experiences.
“Women are often told, ‘At least the baby is healthy’ or ‘Every mother goes through this’,” Dr Sidhana says.
Instead, she believes mothers need empathy, reassurance and practical support.
It is essential to recognise the early warning signs. Source: Apollo HospitalsStruggling does not make a mother weak
For Anitha, the most frightening part of postpartum depression was not understanding what was happening to her. Today, she believes conversations around maternal mental health need to become far more open and normalised.
“We attend classes about feeding schedules, breathing techniques and baby care, but how much do we actually talk about a mother’s mental health?” she asks.
Dr Sidhana agrees.
“We must normalize vulnerability,” she says. “The opposite of depression is expression.”
And perhaps the most important reminder this
Mother’s Day is not only to celebrate mothers, but to ask them how they are truly doing.
If you or someone you know is struggling emotionally after childbirth, seeking professional help can make a significant difference. Postpartum depression is treatable, and mothers do not have to go through it alone.
First Published:
May 10, 2026, 10:46 IST
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