The gig ended with the women presenting Jay-Jay with a flower crown and ushering her to join them in the sea, where they serenaded her with another joyous, splashier rendition of Happy Birthday.
Jay-Jay celebrated her 51st birthday on the idyllic island of Espiritu Santo. Photo / Woman’s Day
“It was embarrassing because I hate being the centre of attention, but it was amazing,” she smiles. “And now we’re having cake and actual Champagne on the beach. What a life!”
Asked how she feels about turning 51, Jay-Jay says, “It feels like my 50th was only five minutes ago, so it’s a bit of a shock – and saying it out loud makes me feel so middle-aged. You notice a big difference in the way people treat you. I feel like the world is quite ageist. On this side of 50, you feel more like an observer of the world, rather than a participant.
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“But I also feel wiser now. As I’ve got older, I tolerate less rubbish. I feel smarter and my priorities have changed – I focus on the important things now. In my thirties and mid-forties, I obsessed over things that didn’t matter, like my radio job!”
One particular thing she’s not taking any crap about is her long-distance relationship with her Algerian boyfriend Minou, who, at 32, is 19 years her junior. When Jay-Jay revealed that she had reunited with the medical salesman in Woman’s Day last December, some of the comments on social media were downright cruel.
“I understand that my relationship, on paper and to the untrained eye, looks extremely out of the ordinary,” she sighs. “I know what people are saying. They think, ‘What’s this young, hot guy from Algeria doing dating a middle-aged woman from New Zealand? Surely he’s a scammer. Surely he just wants her money. Surely he just wants a visa.’
“I get it. That’s what it looks like. And you know what? That’s exactly what I thought when I first met him. I really took a lot of time to satisfy myself that he was real and legitimate. I did my research.
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“The public can be quite nasty and judgmental, but they don’t know us. They don’t see the actual relationship. Maybe they don’t understand it, or they’re scared of it. Don’t get me wrong, so many people are very supportive, but I have to put up with a lot of negative Nancys.”
Jay-Jay’s not taking any crap about her long-distance relationship. Photo / Woman’s Day
Interestingly, the article generated a different reaction in Algeria.
Jay-Jay reveals, “It went viral! Minou sent me a screenshot of a Facebook group for women that featured the Woman’s Day article of me and Minou. The writing was in Arabic, but it translated to something like, ‘Algerian man loves older New Zealand woman,’ and all the chat was really positive – they were all fangirling over the relationship. It’s such a relief that finally someone’s all for it, rather than trying to dog it!”
Jay-Jay and Minou’s unlikely love story began in 2018, when he slid into her Facebook DMs. Thinking he was a scammer, the then-More FM presenter ignored his message for weeks, but eventually they began chatting and a friendship developed.
Taking a chance, they met for a holiday in the Maldives later that year, and romance blossomed. After another getaway in Malaysia, where they both realised things were serious, Minou visited Jay-Jay in New Zealand in late 2019, spending Christmas with her family.
Due to Covid border closures, the pair made the heartbreaking decision to split in 2020 and Jay-Jay started dating again, but when the star ended a relationship early last year, she realised she was still hung up on Minou and they got back in touch, arranging to reunite in Bali, where their love was rekindled.
AdvertisementAdvertise with NZME.The pair’s unlikely love story began in 2018. Photo / Woman’s Day
Now he’s awaiting a visitor visa so he can return to New Zealand and the pair can spend more than a few weeks figuring out how their relationship might work in the real world.
“I hate doing long-distance,” admits Jay-Jay. “But there’s light at the end of the tunnel with Minou applying for a visa. It can feel quite invasive having to give all this evidence that our relationship is genuine and showing screengrabs of intimate messages, but we really want him to come visit for more than a month, so we can see how we get along in normal life.
“We’re not asking for him to live here – believe me, he’s really loyal to his family and friends in Algeria, so it would be a big deal for him to move to New Zealand. If we don’t get a visa, I guess I’ll try to get a visa to visit him there. Or maybe we could both move to Vanuatu and buy a resort over here – a special place for long-distance lovers to meet and be together!
“Everyone I’ve spoken to who’s in a long-distance romance says their relationships have this depth to them because you spend so much time just talking. Because we can’t be with each other in person, we’re communicating all the time, so we have this really deep connection and know so much about each other. We have this closeness that so many people who live together might not have.”
Jay-Jay and Minou are in talks of marriage. Photo / Woman’s Day
Asked if they’ve discussed marriage, Jay-Jay blushes and confesses, “Minou and I are in love, and he does want to marry me. He talks about it often. I’m currently questioning, like, ‘Am I engaged?’ I don’t know.
“There hasn’t been a formal proposal, but he always asks, ‘Will you marry me?’ and I reply, ‘Yes, I will.’ But I’m not sure if I’m engaged. I guess I am, but I’m not. I’m not officially engaged. But if it comes to it, yeah, I’ll marry him.”
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So what do Minou’s family think of their relationship?
“I’ve met his mum and a sister on video chat,” reveals Jay-Jay. “His mum doesn’t speak English, but she learnt to say, ‘Hello, Jay-Jay. I love you,’ which is really cute. For the most part, Minou is a good, loyal Muslim and his religion would prefer him to marry a Muslim woman. But because he’s the youngest of four, all his siblings are married with kids and his father’s passed away, his mum and sisters really just want him to be happy.”
Realising how all this talk of marriage might look to the doubters out there, Jay-Jay adds, “Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as a Green Card in New Zealand – that’s an American thing. You can’t marry your way into residency! It might give you a few points towards it, but we’d still need to fight for a visa.”
The only thing getting in the way of the couple tying the knot is Jay-Jay’s marriage to Dom. Photo / Woman’s Day
Apart from the visa issue, the only thing getting in the way of Jay-Jay and Minou tying the knot is the fact she’s still married to Dom, whom she wed in 2004. Explaining that their “magic spark has gone”, they announced their amicable separation 13 years later, and Dom, 52, has since moved on with girlfriend Ash Males, 30. But the former Edge radio co-hosts are yet to sign divorce papers and still share a bank account.
“Dom and I are still such a good team,” enthuses Jay-Jay. “We’re working together at Podlab, so I see him every day. We’ll always be in each other’s lives. People tell us we need to shut that down, but I’m not taking advice from other people – this is my life, and it works for us.
“A divorce won’t make any difference, but it feels so final. We both feel comfort in saying Dom is my husband and I’m his wife. If we divorce, he’s definitely ‘the ex’, which is not a bad thing – it’s just weird. But we’ll get used to it. Minou doesn’t care. He just says things like, ‘When you divorce Dom, I will marry you.’”
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After our heartfelt chat and another swim, we join Jay-Jay back at Turtle Bay Lodge to watch a traditional fire show, where local dancers spin blazing sticks and blow flames into the night sky. At the end, Jay-Jay is dragged on to the stage to hold some fire poi, while a dancer sprays sparks all around her.
“That was a pretty spectacular end to an epic birthday,” she says later. “It’s been such a memorable trip. I’ve been to Vanuatu before, but never to Espiritu Santo, which everyone said was the most beautiful island – and they weren’t wrong. Everything’s so untouched, and there are hardly any tourists. It feels almost like we’re the first people to discover the place.
“Obviously I wish Minou could have joined us as well, but we’re hopefully going to have many more trips ahead. I’ve sent him the odd picture of me with a cocktail in hand, and we’ve done a bit of FaceTime. He’s missing me. He wanted to make sure I was having a good time and to tell me he loves me.”
Images: Alex Curson, Jay-Jay Feeney, Kennedy Anderson, Sebastian van der Zwan.