This can manifest as “expectations of perfection, or that we’ve actually got some red flags coming up that we’re starting to think maybe this isn’t quite the right place for me to be,” she explained.
For single people, this might show up as fears of “what if I’m alone forever, or what if I’m too broken for healthy love.”
4. Fear of identity loss.
“And the last one is the fear of identity loss, essentially, that I’m going to lose myself in this relationship,” Collinson said.
People with this anxiety style “tend to constantly keep that partner at arm’s length a bit. They need a lot of space. That’s what they think. Maybe there’s a lot of questioning that the other person is too codependent.”
How to address each anxiety style.For fear of loss and abandonment.
Collinson emphasised the importance of building internal security. “We’ve really got to look at creating a sense of certainty within ourselves and a sense of safety within because, yes, there is no certainty. Ultimately, in a relationship, to love is to risk,” she said.
The key, she explained, is asking yourself: “Even if something happens to my partner, even if they did leave me, is there something I’ve got within myself that I can rely on?” This involves building “this sense of inner safety of a relationship with yourself, where you’re kind to yourself and backing yourself.”
For fear of rejection.
This anxiety style requires working on self-worth. “We’re really looking at building our self-worth, and looking at where some of this started to happen to us, where we question our self-worth,” Collinson said.