A handful of people stand here, at the main gates to Edinburgh Castle, watching the bizarre pre-recorded interaction between the lion and his unicorn friend. Nobody seems to know what the hell is going on.

Let me welcome you to Castle of Light, a self-described “spectacular after-dark trail” at this 11th-century attraction. For £24 per adult and £15 per child, a family of four could spend upwards of £100 at this “immersive” attraction when you add up ticket prices and £5 hot chocolate costs.

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It’s the sixth year of this spectacle and it has kind of gone uncommented on. There are plenty of similarly expensive light shows dotted across the UK. Some are better than others. The Enchanted Forrest, for example, is remarked upon for its impressive art installations and thematic commitment.

Unfortunately for the already embattled Historic Environment Scotland, this is definitely one of the worst I’ve seen. And sorry to be that person, but it’s offensive to Scotland’s history and heritage.

(Image: PA)

I struggle to imagine such important historic sites in England being covered in tacky projections of stereotypically English images for tourists to gawk at. Take these for example: A shortbread tin-esque illustrated stag is displayed on a wall opposite the National War Museum, while twinkly music plays in the background. This does nothing more than sell the idea of Scotland as Harry-Potter-fairytale-land to tourists inspired to visit us by viral TikToks – why, why, why are we playing into this lowest common denominator rubbish at one of the country’s most significant sites of history? That should be left to tourist tat shops on the Royal Mile.

(Image: PA)

If Castle of Light were simply pretty colours shone onto the walls of the castle buildings, it would probably be okay. This is what it appears to be if you look up from Princes Street after dark. This is not a tasteful light show, nor a series of beautifully illuminated art installations from local creatives. It’s really tacky.

A low-resolution, looped stock clip of Santa is projected onto a wall metres from the Scottish National War Memorial. A speaker around the corner plays “Fireball” by Pitbull while pixelated imagery mimic poorly rendered flames. Is this really tonally appropriate for the place in which we are standing? Let’s remember that Edinburgh Castle was one of the most besieged sites in Britain, maybe the world. It is home to some of the oldest buildings in the entire city. It played a role in the Wars of Independence, the Jacobite Rising, and hundreds of women were executed for “witchcraft” there. But sure. Mr Worldwide!

Why are we doing this? Why is Historic Environment Scotland doing this?

And before the haters jump in with the classic “just let people enjoy things” … there can absolutely be a place for these kinds of “immersive” light shows. I think they’re mainly tacky money pits for the kinds of people who are easily led by Instagram ads, but if it’s what you like, it’s what you like. What I’m saying is this shouldn’t be held at Edinburgh Castle. And if Historic Environment Scotland is insistent on keeping it going after this sixth year, it should at least try and incorporate some actual Scottish history into it. Otherwise, you’d be better off heading to B&Q for some Christmas lights, draping them around your garden shed and calling it a day.

Castle of Light: Fire and Ice runs 21-22, 28-30 November; 5-7, 12-14, 19-23, 27-30 December; 2-4 January