Whether it’s for a week or for years, John Stokes never gives up
Foster carer John Stokes has published a book about his 35 years as Bristol’s most prolific foster carer – pictured here with fostered teen Ali, who is now a successful chef and restaurateur, and David, who is still with John after 30 years.(Image: John Stokes)
A man who has dedicated his life to trying to get wayward or vulnerable young teenage boys back on the right track is still going strong, 35 years and around 100 kids later. Now John Stokes has, rather reluctantly, told of his remarkable story, ahead of a celebratory event at which some of the scores of troubled young teens have returned, often decades after he took them in.
John Stokes is possibly one of Bristol’s most prolific foster carers. Over the years since 1990, he has taken in at least 80, but probably around 100, young boys who are either extremely vulnerable, challenging or simply going off the rails.
At 65 he decided to retire, but found he couldn’t, and now – with the support of David, who was his youngest foster child and his longest-lasting, he is still going, still looking after two teenagers.
John’s remarkable life is intertwined with that of Bristol’s cultural history too. As a youth worker at Eagle House in Knowle West in the mid 1980s, and alongside fellow youth worker and the now Bristol broadcasting and music legend Pat Hart, he provided a space for the young people to explore making music, and staged some of the first hip-hop events Bristol’s youth had ever seen.
Foster carer John Stokes(Image: Bristol Live)
From that came the likes of the Fresh Four – who pioneered the Bristol Sound with Wishing On A Star – DJ Bunjy, who went on to become a Bristol music legend with the likes of Massive Attack and then Laid Blak, and Knowle West’s Tricky.
DJ Bunjy, one of Knowle West’s music legends, told Youth Moves recently that John was one of his ‘biggest influences’. “There was some great youth workers there,” he said, speaking about Eagle House.
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“One was a guy called John Stokes, who I have so much love for. He helped us get some decks at the club and got pots of money for music projects,” he said.
“I always loved the mental challenge of dealing with or coping with young lads who are challenging. I never get offended if a young person outsmarts me, but I do relish the challenge,” he said. “It all started because before working with young people I had a newsagents shop and a whole load of paperboys working for me. I got them all to make a football team, and that was great fun.
“From there I worked in a youth club, in Knowle West, and that equipped me to work in children’s homes, and then that equipped me to be a foster parent,” he said.
(Image: John Stokes)
As the 1980s ended, John began working in children’s homes rather than as a part-time youth worker, and from that fostered his first young teenager in 1990, when he was 31 – pretty much by accident. “There was this one lad who I first met because he was in prison for car theft – he was a prolific car thief,” he said. “And I was assigned as his key worker.
“And it went well, and he asked me to foster him. My entire fostering career started because one of the kids asked me, and – as a lot of foster carers will say – once you do something once you get asked again, and again, and again,” he added.
“That young lad is now a grandfather – I’m considered great-grandfather to his grandkids, which is lovely. We sorted ourselves out and stayed in touch – he’s now a brilliant mobile mechanic and services the cars of senior police officers,” John added.
From that moment in 1990, John embarked almost by accident on a career as a foster carer. “I think I must have got a reputation as someone who could sort out challenging lads. A lot, but not all of them, had been criminalised,” he said.
Foster carer John Stokes has published a book about his 35 years as Bristol’s most prolific foster carer, pictured here chatting to Marcus, one of the 100 teenagers he fostered(Image: John Stokes)
“Generally, they come to me at the ages of 13 to 15. The youngest I’ve taken in has been 11, and the oldest are 16 or 17. I think 13 to 15 are the key age, the most challenging. That’s when puberty kicks in and relationships start to break down for them, either with their parents, or if they are already in care, then at the children’s home or their foster parents who have often had them for years,” he said.
“I think a lot of the time the parents or foster parents feel rejected because of the child’s behaviour, they find it really difficult. The key for me is about commitment, to try to be a constant. I have found that I can make a difference with a lad who is 13 or 14. By the time they are 16, I’m not going to change them, at least in the short term – maybe the difference will come ten years later, but it’s almost too late by the time they are 16, often. At 13, you can make an impression on them,” he added.
Throughout the 1990s and into the 2000s, John was one of the go-to foster carers for challenging young teenage lads, and was always in demand from social services. He took a break and moved away to live in Spain for four years around 20 years ago, but returned and got straight back to it.
“The youngest lad I have taken in is David, who was 11. He’s still with me now, and he’s 41. He came with me when I went to live abroad, and he’s now my assistant. I think that’s the reason I’ve been able to continue into my 70s, because he brings the energy now.
“I always have no more than two at any one time. And I don’t think I’ve had an empty bed in their room for more than a week once – it’s pretty constant,” he added.
Foster carer John Stokes has published a book about his 35 years as Bristol’s most prolific foster carer, with some of the young men he fostered as teenagers(Image: John Stokes)
“It can really vary. Most of the time they come at short notice, as an emergency, and may stay with me for as little as a week, or a few weeks or a few months. Sometimes they may stay a year or three years.
“It’s almost always boys. I did foster a teenage girl once, and she stayed for three years.
“I don’t keep count. I think it may be more than 80 now, but actually it’s probably 100 or more. You’re encouraged not to stay in touch with them after they leave you, and generally I don’t, but if they contact me months or years later, then I’m always here for them if I can be.
“Often the reason for the call is that they are in some kind of crisis, and for them I’m the person they call if there is a crisis, but not always. Some stay in touch and it’s great to hear them make a success of their lives,” he added.
After the mid-2010s migrant crisis saw an increase in young teenagers being people-trafficked into the UK, John has seen a change in the kind of young people who are sent to him. Now it is a usual mix of challenging teens with vulnerable teenage boys from places like Albania, Syria, Turkey and Iraq, who arrive at John’s door, often not speaking a word of English.
Ali with foster father John in 2017(Image: Michael lloyd)
In recent years, John has been a foster parent for many, and a campaigner for a few of these young men, launching campaigns to persuade the Home Office to allow them to stay after they turn 18.
On Monday, John’s remarkable story will be published in a book, called ‘A Life in the Shadowlands’. “I always thought I wanted to write a book, to tell the stories of these lads over the years,” said John. “It was something I started from before the Covid pandemic. But then I realised that to pull it together, the common thread was me. I didn’t want to write a book about myself, but it just sort of happened.”
A Life in the Shadowlands will be launched at an event on Monday evening at the Watershed in Bristol, from 6pm for a 6.30pm start.