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A 29-year-old woman says she made the heartbreaking decision to end things with her boyfriend after he insisted they should still have children, even though pregnancy could kill her.
Despite his claims that having a baby would be a “beautiful legacy,” she couldn’t bring herself to risk her life or pass down her condition, leaving her torn between love and survival.
Read on for the story.
I (29f) have been dating my boyfriend (33m) for 3 years. I have a medical condition that impacts my life expectancy and will likely kill me if I have children. From what I understand, I most likely won’t live beyond my 40s.
I have always dreamed of being a mother so this diagnosis was heart-breaking, and as I enter my 30’s my anxiety over my condition and my health has gone up exponentially.
It feels like I’ve just begun my life, and now a countdown to my death is always in the back of my mind.
How terribly awful.
Now this is where the argument began. My boyfriend still wants children. He said he loves me and always envisioned me as the mother of his children. He said he loves me and wants a little piece of me even when I’m gone.
In not so many words he said since I’ve always wanted children and will likely die early anyway, why not make sure a piece of me lives on with him, ensure our legacy?
In the moment I was stunned, and when I’m shocked I find it hard to formulate my words. All I could respond was, “But they (the child) would have to live knowing I died.”
That’s heartbreaking.
He argued that sacrifice was beautiful and it was wrong to blame children for a mother’s death.
I agree I was an a****** for saying that, I didn’t mean it, but it slipped out. But if I had children, I would want to be a part of their life, not some human incubator.
Right now I’m focusing on preserving as much quality of life that I can while managing my health. I don’t want to risk passing this down to my child, and there’s a not insignificant possibility that both the baby and I would pass during the pregnancy regardless.
Of course.
I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, and I could see him nearly come to tears over this.
He was shocked that I’d break up with him over something we had previously agreed on. He couldn’t believe I’d break up with him over a single disagreement.
Is it selfish of me to prioritize myself over my boyfriend and potential child? AITA for breaking up with him over this and not trying to work things out?
Reddit overwhelmingly supported her choice, saying she wasn’t selfish but brave for prioritizing her health and agency.
Commenters called the boyfriend’s stance manipulative and insensitive, arguing that love shouldn’t come with a demand that puts her life at risk.
Like, how DARE he???
Clearly he is the worst man to exist.
When loving someone means losing yourself, sometimes the kindest choice is walking away.
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