Every January, millions of us pledge to become better versions of ourselves — fitter, calmer, richer, more organised.

We start the year with crisp determination but often, and particularly when it comes to money, most new year’s resolutions collapse before winter is over. “Spend less”, “save more,” “invest the cash sitting idle in the account”. These promises sound sensible but our resolve does not last and we return to old habits or inaction.

But some financial resolutions are worth making. They can align our behaviour with our values, reduce emotional friction and spark a virtuous cycle of confidence-building.

The first obstacle to change is often internal. Many people approach their financial life with a well-worn narrative of inadequacy: “I’m terrible with money”; “I always overspend”; “I’m not disciplined enough”.

These pronouncements masquerade as truth but function as self-fulfilling barriers. Shame rarely galvanises us, it keeps us stuck. When we believe we are bad with money, we interpret every small setback as confirmation of our limitations.

So start by being curious about what makes you “bad” with money. Is it investments that you feel you don’t understand, and would like to learn more about? Is it budgeting — you watch others do it but have avoided it yourself? Or is there a part of you that, in the absence of structures, falls into chaos? If so, some tools to help you stay organised would help.

Digging into the specifics of these beliefs with curiosity, rather than judgment, can point you to what needs to change. With that groundwork laid, you can turn to the task of crafting robust, workable resolutions.

Take action

Many new year’s resolutions fail because they are little more than amorphous wishes. Vagueness protects us from the discomfort of specificity, it keeps us in a non-committal space, safe from the fear of failing.

Clarity can be motivating — it transforms the overwhelming into the actionable. Instead of saying “I’ll save more”, set up a savings pot with an automatic monthly transfer to it. Instead of resolving to “sort out” your pension, set aside an hour to consolidate old pots or book a call with a financial adviser before March.

The difference seems trivial, but psychologically it is important because concrete actions invite follow-through, while abstractions invite procrastination.

Keep it realistic

The resolve to “be better”, which is so characteristic of early January, can sometimes foster unrealistic expectations of how quickly we can change. We craft all-or-nothing intentions.

I have seen clients try to stop all discretionary spending until Easter, or sign up to multiple investment courses all at once, aiming to fund holidays with their returns from day trading. The moment life gets in the way or they experience their first setbacks, they derail. The problem is not moral weakness, it is setting yourself up to fail with overzealous resolutions.

• The wealthy used to feel proud. Now they feel ashamed

What I have seen repeatedly is how unrealistic targets ignite a self-defeatist cycle, confirming our worst fears about ourselves, most notably the fear that we will never change. By contrast, small and incremental targets can increase our confidence about aiming a little higher. We give ourselves the time and space to gradually learn to manage our impulses, fight our fears or change our habits.

Realistic goals preserve momentum, while unrealistic ones create the kind of shame that leads to abandonment.

Get engaged emotionally

Many financial tasks fail to engage our emotional imagination. A pot named “savings” is hardly motivating, but one named “peace of mind in an emergency” might feel more engaging.

“Retiring with dignity” might be more moving than “pension” and even something as prosaic as saving for tax becomes more palatable when rebranded as a “no-stress April fund”. When we get in touch with how it will feel to have that money available in the future, the sacrifice in the present seems worthwhile.

Simplicity over sophistication

When clients proudly declare that they created a 30-tab Excel spreadsheet on which they will record every expense this year, I am in the difficult position of having to recognise the good intention while knowing full well that laborious and complex solutions don’t work. Money tasks are boring enough; making them high-maintenance is not the best strategy for success.

The most effective financial systems are those that require the least cognitive load — apps that categorise spending automatically; automated transfers to savings accounts and pots or pension contributions. A resolution endures not because it is elaborate but because it is maintainable.

Address the root cause of your woes

Financial behaviours can be highly emotional, and any resolution that fails to take that into account is likely to be temporary. Our overspending could have less to do with not knowing how to budget and more to do with not knowing how to cope with boredom, sadness and loneliness, apart from turning to retail therapy.

Avoiding investments could be a consequence of unresolved feelings, like a fear of loss rooted in the past. Procrastinating on money admin may be less about laziness and more about anxiety.

Sometimes it is not a lack of will or tools that makes resolutions fail, but the fact that we have not dealt with the underlying feelings that drove our financial choices (or inaction) in the first place. Which is why for some people, the most powerful financial resolution is not a practical one but a psychological one: to understand the feelings that animate their choices. Be curious, spot the patterns, ask yourself why.

The financial resolutions that endure are those that acknowledge our human messiness and help us to remove the emotional and technical barriers to a better relationship with money. The resolutions worth making are those that replace shame with curiosity, vagueness with clarity and perfectionism with realism. They will last well beyond the time when the gyms begin to empty out and carbs are back in our diets.

Vicky Reynal is Times Money’s financial psychotherapist and the author of Money on Your Mind: The Psychology Behind Your Financial Habits. If you have a question for her, email vicky.reynal@thetimes.co.uk