![\"'A](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/GM5CBAXIUNEOXGA427DSYBVIDE.jpg\")
‘A lot of people underestimate the importance of having a will and being super clear about what that will means’ <\/p>\nFreya\u2019s* mother died and she is the executor of her mother\u2019s will. In spite of her mother ensuring a will was in place dividing her assets equally among her children, one of Freya\u2019s siblings is no longer speaking to her. Freya believes \u201cmoney and grief bring out the worst in people\u201d. <\/p>\n
Her sibling \u201cjust thought [they were] going to become a millionaire\u201d, Freya says. Freya feels that because she is the executor she got \u201cthe blunt end of the stick\u201d. Freya and her sibling have disagreed on Freya\u2019s approach to practicalities, with Freya saying her sibling called her a \u201cbully\u201d on occasion. <\/p>\n
The value of the house is a sticking point, with Freya saying the sibling is querying her decision to accept the professional valuation. Freya has found the whole situation to be very stressful and upsetting. \u201cIt\u2019s on the back of my mind the whole time,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n
After Sally\u2019s* mother died, some years back, her father began dating another woman and, after a few years, he remarried. <\/p>\n
When her father became ill, Sally says it was very difficult for his children to get time alone with him. \u201cShe was always in the room,\u201d Sally says. Sally and her siblings remain \u201cconvinced that something was changed in the will\u201d, she says.<\/p>\n
Sally says her father was trying to sell the family home before his death. He had never lived in the family home with his new wife. She had her own home. \u201cHe wanted to try and sell the house to make sure [we would] get the proceeds of that.\u201d But, \u201che died before the house sold and then legally she gets half. She had never lived there,\u201d Sally reiterates. <\/p>\n
Sally still finds discussing what happened very upsetting. Her father\u2019s new wife had children from a previous relationship, she says. Sally says they will ultimately get what Sally believes she and her siblings should have inherited. <\/p>\n
\u201cIt would have made such a difference to us,\u201d she says. Sally says she and her husband have taken steps to make sure the same thing could never happen to their children. <\/p>\n
Caroline* thinks \u201ca lot of people underestimate the importance of having a will and being super clear about what that will means, and how they want it to be carried out after they pass on\u201d. She has seen first-hand how a lack of clarity can lead to family arguments and division. <\/p>\n
She tells of an aunt who had a large number of nieces and nephews. In her will, the aunt distributed property and money between the nieces and nephews. While the benefits were different for a number of individuals, Caroline believed the aunt had been very fair. <\/p>\n
The will, however, was contested. \u201cWhat resulted was years of all of those siblings not talking,\u201d she explains. \u201cIt was really fractious. There were a lot of solicitors\u2019 fees involved. It was really, really tense. There were no family events, and it took another death for most of the family to reconcile.\u201d <\/p>\n
Caroline says it was \u201cincredibly sad that something so well-intentioned and so well-thought-out could still result in fractious tension. Cousins not talking to each other. People not meeting new babies. It was really horrible.\u201d <\/p>\n
She believes people \u201cneed to have conversations about what\u2019s in the will before they die. People just aren\u2019t clear and there hasn\u2019t been that one conversation to say, \u2018This is what I want. This is why I want it. This is what\u2019s going to happen.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n
Doreen* and her ex-husband had young children. Before their divorce he had taken over his family\u2019s farm. When he died unexpectedly, her children were devastated at the loss of their father. But Doreen says she was told that neither she, nor the children, were welcome at the wake. <\/p>\n
Her ex-husband did not leave a will. Doreen says she was contacted by someone she knew to notify her that her ex-husband\u2019s family were removing anything of value from the farm. <\/p>\n
\u201cThere isn\u2019t a thing left,\u201d she says. \u201cThey [her children] haven\u2019t a thing belonging to their father.\u201d Because there is no will and she and the children have no access to his personal belongings, she says they cannot provide proof of the assets that he had, adding that they have involved solicitors. <\/p>\n
\u201cIf he had made a will we wouldn\u2019t be in this position,\u201d Doreen suggests. She says the children have asked for some personal items \u2013 such as their father\u2019s phone which has videos and photos of them having fun with him, his wellies, and wedding ring \u2013 but they can\u2019t get access to anything, she says. \u201cIt\u2019s a massive mess.\u201d <\/p>\n
Carla* is one of a number of siblings, but when their mother became ill, all responsibility for her care fell on Carla, she says. She gave up her job abroad to return home and become her mother\u2019s carer. <\/p>\n
She says one sibling who was living abroad did not come home for the funeral.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy mother had been sick for a long time before that … she was in a nursing home and there was no sign of [this sibling] ever coming home.\u201d <\/p>\n
But a few weeks after their mother\u2019s death, Carla says her sibling returned wanting to know who were the executors of their mother\u2019s will and \u201cwhen\u2019s it going to be sorted\u201d. Her mother owned two houses, and had given one of the houses to the sibling who was abroad while she was still in good health. <\/p>\n
The sibling\u2019s return looking for more from the will made Carla feel \u201cpissed off and really annoyed\u201d. The other siblings are also annoyed, she says. Carla feels it would have been fairer if the house given to this one sibling had been shared between all the siblings. <\/p>\n
Carla and her sibling don\u2019t speak. <\/p>\n
‘A lot of people underestimate the importance of having a will and being super clear about what that will means’ <\/p>\n
Maeve\u2019s* mother died when she and her sister were young adults. Her parents had separated, and Maeve\u2019s mother had a will and had set up a trust fund for her daughters. \u201cThe trustees were literally going to be taking care of all financials for us as if we were still kids without a parent,\u201d Maeve explains. <\/p>\n
Neither she, nor her sister, was aware of how much the trust fund was, or when it was likely to run out, Maeve says. \u201cBills, shopping, ESB, gas, groceries were all taken care of, but we didn\u2019t know for how long. We didn\u2019t really understand the concept of money then. It was just, \u2018You\u2019ve lost your mam. This is all taken care of, so you don\u2019t have to deal with this.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n
Maeve says while she and her sister had jobs, and her sister went to college, they still \u201cmisused that money\u201d. <\/p>\n
\u201cWe took advantage of the fact that we could have a party if we wanted to.\u201d <\/p>\n
Maeve\u2019s mother had made a provision in her will that \u201cno boyfriends were allowed to move into the house. It was to be just me and my sister and if that was the case we had to split the house and move out,\u201d she says. So, when Maeve became pregnant some years later, the trustees informed her that she would have to move out, as otherwise the baby could acquire some rights to the property. <\/p>\n
\u201cI had to move out before the child was born,\u201d she says. \u201cWe had to put the family home up for sale, split it and move out. It was quite sudden.\u201d At the same time, the trust fund money ran out. \u201cIt was mental. Absolutely mental,\u201d she says now of that time. <\/p>\n
The sisters have both since bought their own homes. <\/p>\n
Ailbhe\u2019s* mother died last year. Her mother had a will and left everything including a house, land and money to Ailbhe. She was also responsible for the care of her disabled sibling. \u201cI had to provide a home for my brother for the rest of his life.\u201d <\/p>\n
Ailbhe\u2019s mother had multiple bank accounts and had saved some of the carer\u2019s allowance she had received for her son, to provide for his care later in life. \u201cIf she didn\u2019t spend it, she saved it for him,\u201d she explains. <\/p>\n
\u201cI have to pay it back,\u201d Ailbhe says. \u201cWhen I queried it, they said it was undeclared income she had. Women of that age were very frugal and she just saved and slaved, and she did it for him, and for his benefit.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her mother had put nothing in Ailbhe\u2019s brother\u2019s name \u201cas it would have to go into Fair Deal\u201d, she explains. <\/p>\n
Ailbhe\u2019s experience has led her to advise \u201canyone who\u2019s getting carer\u2019s allowance, make sure they spend it\u201d. <\/p>\n
In conversation with Jen Hogan. *Names have been changed<\/p>\n
\u2018As solicitors, we should try to bring families together\u2019![\"Solicitor](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/22HN4BW4LND4TPH2X3ASWUJRXA.jpg\")
Solicitor Elaine Byrne <\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes I ask myself, am I a solicitor or a psychologist?\u201d says solicitor Elaine Byrne. \u201cIn probate practice, there is law and psychology in the mix. Wills come down to people.\u201d<\/p>\n
Byrne, whose practice in Athboy, Co Meath, specialises in wills and probate, has seen enormous hurt and tension when parents fail to include all of their children in their will.<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone wants to be mentioned at least, to feel loved. No child, whatever their age, wants to think Mammy or Daddy does not love them. A lot of probate is based on people feeling hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
Some people who come to her feeling aggrieved about a will may not have any legal point to raise, she says. \u201cThey often just want someone to listen.\u201d<\/p>\n
Maintaining communication among family members is crucial, Byrne stresses. \u201cAs solicitors, we should try to bring families together and mediation is always to be encouraged as opposed to court proceedings.\u201d<\/p>\n
A will is \u201cvery difficult\u201d to contest, she points out, and being clear about the \u201cvery high\u201d costs of doing so can act as \u201ca wake-up call\u201d in many cases.<\/p>\n
When assisting a person to make their will, Byrne takes detailed instructions. In some cases, she says she felt it necessary to advise the person that it is \u201cnot a time to be vengeful\u201d and to give all of their children \u201csomething\u201d.<\/p>\n
There is \u201ca huge difference\u201d between being married and in a relationship when it comes to distribution of estates and, in cases of blended families, probate can be complex, she adds.<\/p>\n
The safest way to protect an asset is to transfer\/dispose of it during the owner\u2019s lifetime in accordance with their wishes. Funerals and burial plots should be among the matters addressed in wills because her experience is they can prove the source of bitter disputes after a death.<\/p>\n
Having a good and fair executor or executors is key to minimising the potential for conflict, she says. Executors may \u201ctake a lot of flak\u201d but having a good one should mean, in the end, \u201call will be fine\u201d.<\/p>\n
Wills should ideally be made when the person is in good health, not at the last minute, and hospital situations in particular are \u201cnot ideal\u201d. Where it is a hospital situation, best practice would dictate that the solicitor attending would take instructions without beneficiaries present and seek medical opinion about capacity and any medication being administered, she says.<\/p>\n
![\"Richard](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/DRLILCQJLJGOFDXJEOGPKR6REE.jpg\")
Richard Hammond, solicitor and senior counsel <\/p>\n
Richard Hammond SC, a solicitor and partner in Mallow-based Hammond Good LLP, and a member of the Law Society\u2019s Probate, Administration and Trusts committee, says two categories of people should make a will, and both cover almost everyone.<\/p>\n
Category one is those who have children because, irrespective of the allocation of assets, a will can address situations including the appointment of trustees to manage assets, and guardians to rear children, should anything happen to the parents.<\/p>\n
The second is anyone with assets worth more than \u20ac10,000. \u201cMany of us are often worth more dead than alive.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hammond\u2019s clients have ranged in age from 19 to 91 and some of the younger ones came to him after seeing \u201ca mess\u201d arising from the lack of a will.<\/p>\n
The most common stages when wills are made include when buying a house, when children arrive, when children are grown up and when people enter their 60s and beyond.<\/p>\n
Making a will means people can deal better with the \u201cwhat ifs\u201d, such as the death of a spouse or children, separation and divorce, loss of capacity, he says. A crucial factor is they can decide who they want as executor, who has a key role in ensuring the testator\u2019s wishes are given effect to.<\/p>\n
Too many people wrongly assume that if they die intestate \u2013 without making a will \u2013 everything will be equally divided, says Hammond. Another important difference between dying testate and intestate is that any person with an interest in the estate can take out the grant of probate \u201cand they may not be the one you want\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cA will that is well drafted by a solicitor offers a better chance of reducing disputes,\u201d says Hammond. He strongly endorses comments by High Court judge Siobh\u00e1n Stack, who manages the court\u2019s probate list, that people should avoid home-made wills or template \u201cfill in the blanks\u201d wills available on the internet. Most people have no knowledge of the impact of the Succession Act on their assets but solicitors do, he stresses.<\/p>\n
People often believe making a will is \u201cquick and simple\u201d but it takes time, he says. The wills he normally drafts include three wills in one, taking into account factors including whether the testator, for example, is the last spouse and providing for contingencies including where the primary beneficiaries, often a spouse and children, are no longer there.<\/p>\n
People should be \u201ccandid\u201d with their solicitor when making a will, he advises. They should instruct, for example, about any vulnerabilities, problems or rifts in the family, particular circumstances, business disputes and caring responsibilities.<\/p>\n
A will \u201ccan never be totally future-proofed\u201d but a properly made one can reduce the potential for disputes and challenges, he says.<\/p>\n
In his view, people should tell their executor of the fact of making a will but should not disclose its contents to those expecting to be beneficiaries. That might avoid the testator having to deal with resentment, or efforts to persuade them to change their will, when they are older and perhaps more vulnerable, he says.<\/p>\n
Irish people have a lot of testamentary freedom compared with some countries and it is for them to decide what to do with their assets, as long as they stay within the law concerning matters including spousal and children\u2019s rights, he says.<\/p>\n
When it comes to allocating assets, \u201cit\u2019s not a democracy\u201d. <\/p>\n
In conversation with Mary Carolan<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Freya\u2019s* mother died and she is the executor of her mother\u2019s will. In spite of her mother ensuring…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":108312,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3093],"tags":[51,474,3303,2499,16,15],"class_list":{"0":"post-108311","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-business","9":"tag-finance","10":"tag-inheritance","11":"tag-personal-finance","12":"tag-uk","13":"tag-united-kingdom"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/114521738019988707","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/108311","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=108311"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/108311\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/108312"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=108311"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=108311"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=108311"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}