The Royal household dismissed the eggman story as fiction but did not dispute that he likes a side of nuts. Tina Brown\u2019s eminently dispensable book The Palace Papers revealed his appetite for nuts and seeds in the morning. She writes of a time when a guest was inspecting the breakfast buffet at Highgrove \u201cwhen he lifted a tureen that offered Charles\u2019 preferred heap of Linseed\u201d. Prince William said to the guest, \u201cOh no, don\u2019t go near the bird table. That\u2019s only for Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yes, real edge-of-the-seat stuff, high drama at Highgrove House, his countryside retreat; but for all the lovely trappings, the attentive pamperings, the royal tithes, the King is only human, and he has lived so much of his life as a man of constant sorrow. He did not have a happy childhood. He did not have a happy first marriage. <\/p>\n
Charles probably thought he was out of the woods when he married Camilla, but no such luck. Photo \/Getty Images <\/p>\n
He probably thought he was out of the woods when he finally married Camilla but the past 10 years have been trying to cope with the continual wretchedness of his awful younger bother, the Duke of Pork, and his awful youngest son, that ginger ingrate who is \u201cno longer a working royal, but a rich person\u201d, as Marina Hyde describes him in The Guardian. \u201cHis Rich Highness.\u201d<\/p>\n
No wonder Charles refuses to pay for police protection when Harry and Meghan visit the UK. It\u2019s the best way of avoiding him. <\/p>\n
King Charles is refusing to pay for police protection for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex if they visit the UK. Photo \/ @meghan<\/p>\n
BBC headline, earlier this month: \u201cPrince Harry tells BBC he wants \u2018reconciliation\u2019 with Royal Family\u201d. You can imagine Charles reading that and groaning. The Duke of Sussex told the BBC that the King \u201cwon\u2019t speak to me because of this security stuff\u201d, but that he did not want to fight any more and did \u201cnot know how much longer my father has\u201d.<\/p>\n
Who talks like that about their living parent? Julie Burchill has always had a special place in her black heart for Charles (\u201cThe fact that Charles only married the love of his life while in his dotage proves what a weak character he is\u201d) but she has surprised herself to find that she detests Harry and Meghan even more. She wrote in The Spectator earlier this year, \u201cAlthough I nurse a profound and lifelong loathing for Charles, I found myself repeatedly taking his side against Harry and Meghan of Montecito.\u201d<\/p>\n
King Charles wants his brother Prince Andrew to move out of Royal Lodge. Photo \/Getty Images<\/p>\n
As for the problem called Prince Andrew, Charles has cut him off financially, and encouraged him to vacate Royal Lodge. Andrew does not seem to have taken the hint. A royal source told The Mirror that Andrew has dug himself in, literally, through a new-found love for gardening: \u201cHe\u2019s been asking about different kinds of trees and shrubs and whether it would be possible to move or relocate certain trees.\u201d You suspect the King wonders whether it would be possible to dig a hole, and bury the cretin.<\/p>\n
Sensual and lascivious intent<\/p>\n
I remember that there was something furtive about his mouth as we crossed the Australian continent. It hinted at sensual and lascivious intent. It ached to have fun. Martin Amis wrote of Charles, \u201cHe has a pretty extraordinary laugh, like the snore of a pig\u201d. <\/p>\n