Dear Eric: <\/b>I have a friend of several decades and recently learned she is a hoarder. We always met outside our homes for coffee or lunch. I just assumed it was more convenient.<\/p>\n
A few months ago, she texted to tell me she\u2019s been embarrassed for me to find out her \u201csecret\u201d. She also asked me for help. I was thrilled and offered to help, but she refused to make a commitment.<\/p>\n
Later I found out her therapist insisted she reach out to a friend for help. She also confessed she had no intention of letting me near her house. Her mother and daughter are quick to express their disgust at her \u201cproblem,\u201d making her shame worse.<\/p>\n
I feel nothing but compassion for my friend. I\u2019d leave the problem alone except my friend does a fair amount of animal rescue, particularly cats and kittens. She said one of the rooms in her house is covered with uncleaned feces and mice droppings. I\u2019m worried about her health. Pushing my friend will only make her withdraw. I can\u2019t call authorities as we live in a small town, and she is a well-respected educator. Do you have any suggestions?<\/p>\n
\u2013 Hoarder\u2019s Friend<\/p>\n
Dear Friend: <\/b>There are avenues for help but, as with any other compulsive behavior, she has to be willing to take a step toward them. You might give her the book \u201cBuried in Treasure, Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving and Hoarding\u201d by David F. Tolin, Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee, and even ask if she\u2019d be willing to do a \u201cbook club\u201d with you about it. Perhaps reading a chapter a month or a week. You might also suggest she give herself the homework of discussing the chapter with her therapist.<\/p>\n
Additionally, it may be time to reach out to someone else who has more extensive training. I know you don\u2019t want to expose her to public scrutiny or embarrassment, but the threat to her health and the health of her pets may necessitate bringing in some authorities. Shame can be managed, the loss of life can\u2019t and many people who hoard live in places that pose extreme risk for fire and can trap themselves or firefighters inside.<\/p>\n
Your local or state health department will have resources for people who hoard. Many have so-called \u201choarding task forces\u201d with connections to police, fire and mental health support. Often, they\u2019re trained in sensitivity and discretion. I encourage you to reach out.<\/p>\n
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram<\/a> and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n \u00a92025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.<\/p>\n