{"id":193809,"date":"2025-06-18T07:28:09","date_gmt":"2025-06-18T07:28:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/193809\/"},"modified":"2025-06-18T07:28:09","modified_gmt":"2025-06-18T07:28:09","slug":"a-moment-that-changed-me-i-stepped-into-the-boxing-ring-and-decades-of-quiet-anger-lifted-life-and-style","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/193809\/","title":{"rendered":"A moment that changed me: I stepped into the boxing ring \u2013 and decades of quiet anger lifted | Life and style"},"content":{"rendered":"

On meeting me, you would never guess that I used to be an angry person. I\u2019m talkative, sociable and self-possessed \u2013 but for nearly 20 years I lived with a quiet fury. It started with my parents, whose strict conservatism restricted everything in my life: what I ate, what I wore, where I went, what I thought. As immigrants from Bangladesh, they believed that control was the best way to protect their daughters, but it suffocated me.<\/p>\n

I had to fight to go to university \u2013 for all the things that men in my community were given as a right. At first, my anger felt ambient \u2013 mild and ever-present \u2013 but it became something harder, more bitter, when I was pressured into an arranged marriage at the age of 24.<\/p>\n

The marriage lasted days, but the fallout lasted decades. I remember researching a magazine feature years later and speaking to a relationship expert who referenced my \u201cforced marriage\u201d. I was quick to jump in and say: \u201cIt was arranged; not forced.\u201d She tilted her head gently and said, \u201cAn arranged marriage you did not want?\u201d It was the first time I realised how angry I was.<\/p>\n

My anger manifested in different ways. I was irritable and snappy with my mother, emotionally guarded in relationships, and fiercely self-sufficient when it came to money. I never again wanted to be in a situation I could not easily escape.<\/p>\n

I considered therapy, but the cultural context in which I grew up does not sit easily with western techniques. I can\u2019t imagine explaining my anger to my mother or expecting some form of apology. Instead, I accepted that anger was something I would just have to live with.<\/p>\n

\u2018Hit harder!\u2019 \u2026 Kia with her coach, Mickey Cunningham, 2025. Photograph: Justin Polkey<\/p>\n

Then, in the spring of 2023, I walked into a boxing gym. I had never boxed before but I wanted to try it so that I could depict it accurately in the novel I was writing. I remember standing sheepishly by the ring at Mickey\u2019s Boxing<\/a> Gym in east London while the eponymous Mickey finished his morning class.<\/p>\n

He noticed me and told me to warm up ahead of our one-to-one session. I had never been in a gym before, let alone a boxing one, and had no idea how to \u201cwarm up\u201d. I retreated around the corner, out of view, and fiddled with my phone instead. As the morning class filtered out, I gingerly returned to the ring.<\/p>\n

We began with some basic footwork and the fundamental punches: the jab, the cross, the hook. We worked in three-minute \u201crounds\u201d, punctuated by 30-second breaks, all announced by a digital bell.<\/p>\n

Midway through the session, we moved on to the pads. Mickey held up two padded mitts and called out different combinations \u2013 patterns of punches I had to land on the mitts. As I punched, he called out instructions \u2013 \u201ckeep your chin down\u201d, \u201clet me hear you breathe\u201d, \u201chide behind your shoulder\u201d \u2013 and then came the moment that changed things for me.<\/p>\n

\u201cHit harder,\u201d he instructed. I punched. \u201cHarder!\u201d I punched again, the sweat dripping off me. \u201cHarder! Use your power!\u201d I punched again with all my strength. \u201cLet me hear you!\u201d he shouted.<\/p>\n

I cried out loud as I punched \u2013 an ugly, guttural sound, so different to everything I\u2019d been taught. In that moment, I didn\u2019t have to be demure, delicate or diplomatic. I could be as fierce and angry as I wanted. I pounded the pads, shouting out with each punch. Over the course of those three minutes, I felt my anger lift: the years, maybe decades, of it.<\/p>\n

The bell sounded and I crumpled on to the ropes, sweaty and euphoric. I was emotional as I took off my gloves. I felt lighter, freer, unchained from something heavy.<\/p>\n

I went home and told my partner: \u201cI think I\u2019ve finally found my sport.\u201d This was revelatory. South-Asian women are one of the least active demographics in the UK and the idea of finding \u201cmy sport\u201d \u2013 and that sport being boxing \u2013 felt somehow absurd.<\/p>\n

The two sessions I had booked for research turned into two years of boxing. As a result, I am much calmer, happier and more patient. Best of all, I no longer dread spending time with my mother. Where once I found it emotionally draining, I now know that an hour in the gym will re-energise me. Boxing has given me a sense of equilibrium that was missing for so much of my life. After decades of battling my anger, I have finally found some peace.<\/p>\n

The guys at the gym often ask if I\u2019ll ever take part in a boxing fight. They say that, after two years of training for three to four sessions a week, with dozens of sparring partners, I\u2019m ready to get in the ring for real. I smile and tell them that I only box for fun. What I don\u2019t say is that I\u2019ve already won the longest fight of my life.<\/p>\n

What Happens in the Dark<\/a> by Kia Abdullah is published 19 June<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"On meeting me, you would never guess that I used to be an angry person. I\u2019m talkative, sociable…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":193810,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4108],"tags":[1935,79,16,15],"class_list":{"0":"post-193809","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-boxing","8":"tag-boxing","9":"tag-sports","10":"tag-uk","11":"tag-united-kingdom"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/114703191569370367","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/193809","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=193809"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/193809\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/193810"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=193809"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=193809"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=193809"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}