{"id":198450,"date":"2025-06-20T00:08:14","date_gmt":"2025-06-20T00:08:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/198450\/"},"modified":"2025-06-20T00:08:14","modified_gmt":"2025-06-20T00:08:14","slug":"lets-get-weird-again-all-world-all-time-best-song-competition-france","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/198450\/","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s Get Weird Again\u2014All World All Time Best Song Competition: France"},"content":{"rendered":"

Feel free to click on the first Global Song Competition post<\/strong><\/a> in which we determined \u201cDirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap\u201d was Australia\u2019s best ever contribution to music to learn the rules of this game. In short, we didn\u2019t want to talk about the aftermath of the last regular season baseball series, so Andrew started a distraction contest to…<\/p>\n

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…determine the greatest song of all time, based on my limited knowledge of music and other countries.<\/p>\n

First, we\u2019ll go with the smattering of countries I can accurately point to on a globe and spell correctly\u2014sorry, Kyrgustan (nope: it was Kyrgyzstan). If you\u2019re confused about why we\u2019re back to A again, well… we need the other side of the field of 64, and now states from the good ol\u2019 US of A will get a chance to play along with the countries we didn\u2019t include last time. Click here for a better explanation.<\/a><\/p>\n

*Note: Feel free to disagree with my choices violently, and suggest better songs in the comments. I will not listen to you, nor will it affect the outcome of this ridiculous distraction contest, but I want you all to feel both seen and heard, even though I don\u2019t know what most of you look like, nor sound like, but I want you all to feel effectively placated.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI Fall to Pieces\u201d by Patsy Cline won East Virginia, and so here we go with your F vote of choice: la belle France. Grab a croissant and a stupid-looking beret, and let\u2019s see what sort of nonsense awaits.<\/p>\n

Did you know that 1963 was the only year with multiple foreign language #1 songs on the Billboard Top 40? And the languages were Japanese and French? No kidding. The French song was by the Singing Nun, and no, that will not be a part of this. It was a different time. In fact, let\u2019s prove it by starting off right around then:<\/p>\n

1) France Gall, Laisse Tomber Les Filles<\/p>\n

The title translates as something like \u201cstop messing around with the girls,\u201d and this is basically a perfect little slice of early 60s pop. The bass line hook right from the start? Pure earworm with no intention of letting go. I have no idea what that convertible is, and would be grateful for any help in the comments (at least in identifying it, although I\u2019m also willing to have someone buy me one). <\/p>\n

Gall was never a vocal powerhouse or anything, but she does have a certain je ne sais quoi (LOOK I USED FRENCH, and that won\u2019t happen again) that\u2019s somehow charmingly sincere as she sings \u201cwell screw it boy, I tried to warn you.\u201d Did I mention the bass line? Dat bass.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m compelled to note this was produced by Serge Gainsbourg, cynic and pervert extraordinaire. He\u2019d follow this up with \u201cLes Sucettes,\u201d a perfectly innocent song about a young lady named Annie who likes lollipops. They even made a video.<\/p>\n

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Oh. Oh, I see.<\/p>\n

2) Daft Punk, Around the World<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Daft Punk, what do you want me to say? French techno robots. Dancing skeletons, aliens, and mummies. I guess you could argue that I could\u2019ve picked any one of a half-dozen other songs, and you\u2019d have a point, but dancing skeletons.<\/p>\n

Back in 1998, the Grammies nominated \u201cDa Funk\u201d for best dance recording, and then promptly awarded it to a Donna Summer song (in 1998) that peaked at #25 on the US Dance charts. Not content with being complete idiots once, the Grammies passed over them again the next year for Madonna\u2019s \u201cRay of Light.\u201d The other nominated artists were Boy George, Cyndi Lauper, and Gloria Estefan. In 1999. Yeah, Daft Punk never had a chance.<\/p>\n

They finally won Best Dance Recording in 2009 for a vastly inferior remix of \u201cHarder, Better, Faster, Stronger\u201d, a song released in 2001. Frankly, the Grammies got it wrong that time too, passing over both \u201cJust Dance\u201d and \u201cDisturbia\u201d for it. Madonna was also nominated again, because of course she was.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

3) Sebastien Tellier, Divine<\/p>\n

The obligatory Eurovision entry, and sweet Lord what an entry it is. The chorus of bearded ladies are the obvious thing to note, but my favorite part is at 1:20. He inhales who knows what out of the inflatable globe, and proceeds to sound like a worn-out cassette for the next 20 seconds. Tremendous. Absolutely amazing. Like watching Mark Sanchez\u2019s butt fumble for the first time.<\/p>\n

I genuinely have *no* idea what any of this means, which is pretty impressive since it\u2019s mostly in English. Apparently it finished in 19th place, because Eurovision viewers are a bunch of Philistines. Usually the idiots in the crowd will cheer just about anything, and they sound more like Randy Watson & Sexual Chocolate just finished performing.<\/p>\n

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4) Paul Mauriat: Love Is Blue<\/p>\n

I went out of my way not to include this, and then that album art popped up and here we are.<\/p>\n

No seriously, look at it. You\u2019ve got suave, silky smooth singers out there like Frank Sinatra and Adriano Celentano and Barry White, and here\u2019s Paul Mauriat doing his level best to look like a one-off character straight out of a Benny Hill sketch. He\u2019s the guy who drives that 3-wheeled blue car in Mr. Bean.<\/p>\n

Somehow, this guy hit #1 on the Billboard charts in the US in 1968, right in the midst of the Summer of Love and Woodstock, with a harpsichord solo. I don\u2019t know, man. I just don\u2019t know. <\/p>\n

What would Purple Haze sound like on harpsichord? I don\u2019t know that either.<\/p>\n

It was the first instrumental #1 in 6 years, the last being \u201cTelstar\u201d by the Tornados. I guess the British Invasion caused a drought, because there were 8 instrumental #1s from 1959-62 alone, 3 in 1968-69, and then 11 more from 1973-79. And literally none in the last 40 years, unless you count Harlem Shake (and you don\u2019t).<\/p>\n

5) Hector Berlioz: Symphonie Fantastique<\/p>\n

That\u2019s right, the whole hour long thing. Deal. \u201cWhy did you include this?!?\u201d BECAUSE IT\u2019S NOT THAT HACK CLAUDE DEBUSSY.<\/p>\n

This is better known for essentially being a fever dream reflecting Berlioz\u2019s obsession with an Irish actress. \u201cHis biographer Hugh Macdonald writes of Berlioz\u2019s \u201cemotional derangement\u201d in obsessively pursuing her, without success, for several years. She refused even to meet him. He sent her numerous love letters, all of which were unanswered.\u201d Thanks Wikipedia! So, you know, perfectly healthy. Can\u2019t imagine how that particular marriage was a disaster.<\/p>\n

However, it\u2019s lesser known for being played in orbit around the Moon, as Ken Mattingly listened to it during Apollo 16. He followed it up with a tape of Holst\u2019s \u201cThe Planets,\u201d so there\u2019s your cultural trivia for the day. I\u2019m going to pretend he played an 8-track of \u201cIn A Gadda Da Vida\u201d after that.<\/p>\n

Plastic Bertrand – \u00c7a Plane Pour Moi<\/p>\n

As it turns out, he\u2019s Belgian, so honorable mention it is.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

Therion – En Alabama<\/p>\n

A Swedish symphonic metal cover of a French y\u00e9-y\u00e9 song about Alabama? This is the best thing that\u2019s happened since Andrew found Italian vampire goth metal. You know what, let\u2019s just repost that and see if anyone notices.<\/p>\n

Theatres des Vampires – Carmilla<\/p>\n

Poll
\n Please select your vote for France.<\/p>\n