Dear Lucas<\/b>: The last few months have been wearing on me, and no matter how much sleep I get, I can\u2019t seem to get caught up. I tried asking another advice columnist for some pointers, and they simply told me to Google it. I think I need to blow off some steam and relax, but things just seem so stressful. What would you do?<\/p>\n
Dear Reader<\/b>: Sometimes when people get burned out, they find a new job. But quitting your job is for quitters. Be a Real Man\u2122 and get fired. <\/p>\n
Dump several large cans of pork and beans into the work toilets. When they ask you why you did this, tell them it\u2019s to keep away the eels that lurk in the plumbing. This is a real problem. <\/p>\n
If your problems are not work related \u2013 let\u2019s say they are family related \u2013 invite everyone over for dinner. When they arrive, tell them that there\u2019s no dinner, just you and the hurdy-gurdy you bought on Facebook Marketplace. <\/p>\n
As the night wears on and they tire of your improvised Belarusian folk music, warn them that leaving a hurdy gurdy recital is bad luck, and they should stick around and enjoy the light refreshments for just one more \u201csong.\u201d<\/p>\n
If your family finds this obnoxious, good. They\u2019ll be united against you and your hurdy gurdy. As a result, they\u2019ll stop arguing for a couple days, instead using that time to gripe about your poorly developed chops and recycled melodies. <\/p>\n
Perhaps there is no acute source of your stress, and your burnout is the result of various personal, professional and social factors you\u2019re too frazzled to make sense of.<\/p>\n
If so, you need something to focus your nervous energy on. Some people pick up new hobbies or take a social media break, but this isn\u2019t Dear Annie; I\u2019m not here to exploit people\u2019s personal drama for clicks while offering obvious solutions. I\u2019m here to encourage temper tantrums and egg on antisocial behavior. <\/p>\n
To paraphrase the great Tyler, the Creator: When life gives you lemons, throw them at pedestrians.<\/p>\n
Go to the grocery store and punch some loaves of bread. Rent\/buy a goat and teach it to headbutt people on command. Stand at the top of a hill and chuck barrels at couples having picnics in the adjacent park.<\/p>\n
If your tolerance for legal risk is low, or you\u2019re still on probation, you can stick to some of these less felonious suggestions. <\/p>\n
But either way, you\u2019re right that you need to go have some fun. Just make sure to avoid those eels lurking in the plumbing. <\/p>\n
Previous questions<\/p>\n
Ask Lucas: The eels lurking in the plumbing attacked my daughter<\/a><\/p>\n Ask Lucas: My mom won\u2019t go on vacation with us because she\u2019s afraid to fly. Should we leave her behind?<\/a><\/p>\n Ask Lucas: My neighbor\u2019s prickly hedge clippings keep falling into our yard<\/a><\/p>\n Ask Lucas: Can women use men\u2019s restrooms when the lines are too long?<\/a><\/p>\n Ask Lucas: Am I a bad mom for making my kid watch a violent-ish movie?<\/a><\/p>\n Look at this handsome fella. His name is Lucas, and he will be writing more columns like this, despite common sense saying this should stop while he\u2019s ahead. If you want to send hate mail or, for some reason, ask for his advice, please send an email to ldaprile@cleveland.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Lucas: The last few months have been wearing on me, and no matter how much sleep I…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":209298,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4317],"tags":[105,218,16,15],"class_list":{"0":"post-209297","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-health","9":"tag-mental-health","10":"tag-uk","11":"tag-united-kingdom"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209297","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=209297"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209297\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/209298"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=209297"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=209297"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=209297"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}