The things we used to laugh at him for have become heaving, unacknowledged currents under British politics <\/p>\n
There\u2019s no kind way of saying this, and it\u2019s a conclusion most of Britain has come to independently, but it\u2019s worth saying anyway: Noel Edmonds is often a prize wally.<\/p>\n
To grab a few of the greatest hits from the top of a skyscraping pile of examples: Noel Edmonds used to\u00a0drive a black cab to work on Deal or No Deal<\/a>\u00a0alongside a fully dressed female mannequin named Candice who sat in the front seat.<\/p>\n Noel Edmonds believes in \u201corbs\u201d, bundles of spiritual energy \u201cabout the size of melons<\/a>\u201d which follow him around and can travel at \u201cbetween 500 and 1,000 miles per hour\u201d.<\/p>\n Noel Edmonds said in 2015 that \u201celectrosmog\u201d is the greatest problem facing humanity, because interference from Wi-Fi is destroying \u201cour natural electro-magnetic fields\u201d.<\/p>\n Noel Edmonds once told a man with kidney cancer that his illness might be caused by his \u201cnegative attitude\u201d.<\/p>\n Noel Edmonds once said: \u201cThere isn\u2019t such a thing as death\u2026 You cannot die. It\u2019s been known for a very long time\u201d.<\/p>\n Between Radio 1, Swap Shop, Telly Addicts, Noel\u2019s House Party and Deal or No Deal, there was an unbroken golden thread of Noel Edmonds in British life for about 40 years. But in 2018 he was choppered out of the I\u2019m a Celebrity jungle for a new life in New Zealand, and out of the public consciousness.<\/p>\n Now he\u2019s back with new ITV documentary series\u00a0Noel Edmonds\u2019 Kiwi Adventure<\/a>, which follows his attempts to run a vineyard and pub in New Zealand. And \u2013 spoiler alert \u2013 Edmonds remains a wally.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n But watching it is also a reminder that Noel Edmonds is one of the great political seers of our time, a Dominic Cummings who\u2019s swapped his Substack for a blow-dry and a dreamcatcher. We used to laugh at Noel. But now, the things we used to laugh at him for have become heaving, unacknowledged currents under British politics.<\/p>\n But wait \u2013 to get into the great man\u2019s aura, let us follow Edmonds\u2019s six-part wellness routine. There\u2019s time on his \u201ccrystal bed\u201d, having low-frequency soundwaves wibbled through his body by \u201cVogel crystals\u201d as a pastel light display twinkles above him. (He looks like he\u2019s trying to meditate under the halogen lamps at a Toby Carvery, but what do I know.)<\/p>\n He pulses electromagnetic energy into his chest. He does a very slow work-out. He drinks \u201cstructured water\u201d. \u201cThis is water in its purest form!\u201d Edmonds says excitedly, as a gadget on his kitchen counter swirls a carafe of the stuff around. And, given such a spinny thing goes for about \u00a3250 online, you\u2019d certainly hope so.<\/p>\n