Dear Eric: I am the youngest of three sons, and both of my brothers passed away suddenly, with the latest one just three years ago. Now I find myself thrust into the role of executor for my parents who are both about to turn 90. <\/p>\n
I have conducted significant research on what is needed to be in place both legally and financially and have consulted with friends who also have aging parents.<\/p>\n
However, my parents don\u2019t want to talk about these issues, and I am really in the dark on what they have in place. My father handled most of the issues, but now suffers from dementia, so there are a lot of unknowns. Recently I sent them a list of items we should look into \u2014 power of attorney, living will, health care proxy, etc.<\/p>\n
My mother is overwhelmed with taking care of my father, so I have offered to speak directly with their lawyer and financial planner to lessen her burden, but while they initially seemed receptive, there has been little movement on these tasks.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to pressure them, but I am really anxious about this and want to deal with these important decisions while they are still in good health.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Treading Lightly<\/p>\n
Dear Treading: I\u2019m sorry for the losses you\u2019ve experienced and for the complication of this grief-laden moment. Planning for later life with parents is rarely easy, but you\u2019ve taken excellent proactive steps.<\/p>\n
To help lessen the overwhelm you and your parents are feeling, tackle one small task at a time. I\u2019d suggest you start with power of attorney. As you may already be aware, it can be a relatively simple process for which you can tackle most of the paperwork. <\/p>\n
With their blessing and their signatures, you\u2019ll then be allowed to talk to their lawyer and financial planner, and this will give you a clearer picture of what they\u2019ve already put into place.<\/p>\n
Be clear with them about the concerns you have, the questions you need answered and the guidance you\u2019re seeking. They can help you think through next steps for your parents and, hopefully, also take some things off of your plate.<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t have to take care of everything, and you don\u2019t have to do everything right now. It\u2019s not going to be perfect; nothing ever is. Don\u2019t listen to any internal voice that says if you miss a to-do item, you\u2019re failing your parents or creating a problem for yourself.<\/p>\n
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)<\/p>\n
\u00a92024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.<\/p>\n
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