A few months into an eagerly planned retirement, Martin described the transition as \u201ca seismic shift\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought I had it all figured out,\u201d he said, the frustration evident in his voice. \u201cI\u2019ve been so looking forward to more time in the garden, picking up the guitar again, getting into a fitness routine and planning trips with friends.\u201d<\/p>\n
But somehow Martin\u2019s plans haven\u2019t translated into meaningful experiences for him \u2013 \u201cI feel quite lost, which is very strange for me as I have always known what to do and what I am going to do next,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
Martin was puzzled by this new experience, and also expressed some anxiety: \u201cWithout my work, who am I? What value do I have?\u201d<\/p>\n
The transition from a life of structured achievement to one of open-ended possibility is profound. For those accustomed to influence and achievement, finding new meaning requires more than just financial planning. When work has defined who you are for decades, retirement can trigger surprising emotional and cognitive challenges.<\/p>\n
Despite living on opposite sides of the globe and working in different industries and roles, Martin\u2019s experiences were echoed by John, who recently stepped away from corporate life and a highly successful leadership career. \u201cI have no regrets, I\u2019ve succeeded, travelled and performed. But now, I feel quite lost.\u201d<\/p>\n
The retirement identity gap<\/p>\n
For both men, the feeling of being lost has been unpleasant, unsettling and isolating. They have found themselves \u201cin between\u201d identities, neither fully in their previous life nor settled into the next chapter.<\/p>\n
We know from psychological research that the space between work and retirement can be a profound challenge to one\u2019s self-concept. It is particularly difficult for people who have succeeded in knowledge-based professions where cognitive performance and expertise are fundamental to professional identity: what do you do when you stop thinking for a living?<\/p>\n
\u201cI went from having a demanding schedule with people depending on my expertise to suddenly having endless free time. It sounds like a luxury, but it felt more like falling off a cliff.\u201d Martin was coping with the lost and \u201cfalling-off\u201d feeling by taking on an ever-increasing list of projects, and John was grappling with a strong urge to \u201cdo one more business\u201d. \u201cI still have plenty of gas in the tank, maybe I\u2019m not ready for a slower life.\u201d<\/p>\n
The assumption prior to retirement that more time will automatically translate to greater fulfilment is common, but as Martin and John are finding, not necessarily true \u2013 especially when that time lacks the structure, purpose and community that a previous work life provided.<\/p>\n
Researchers have found that<\/a> having a lot of free time doesn\u2019t necessarily equate to happiness. People derive a certain sense of joy from being productive and accomplishing things and might lose this sense of joy with a lot of unstructured time.<\/p>\n Other researchers have shown<\/a> that retirees who maintain a strong social network \u2013 for example volunteering or joining clubs \u2013 are happier and healthier, while the longitudinal Harvard study<\/a> on happiness has identified the loss of work relationships and connections as the biggest challenge to retirement wellbeing.<\/p>\n Finding structure, purpose and community in new ways<\/p>\n The American writer William Bridges describes this in-between time as \u201cthe messy middle\u201d. For John and Martin, navigating a meaningful life in this time of transition has involved purposeful experimentations and an acceptance of not knowing yet what all the components of retirement identity and purpose may look like. Martin in particular has found the messy middle metaphor helpful.<\/p>\n In his messy middle, John has taken on some charity work to create purpose, various physical labour projects for some tangible sense of accomplishment, a consulting project to see if this provides an outlet for his entrepreneurial drive, and a travel adventure to develop new social connections. Martin is testing out a slower pace, intentionally dialling down scheduled commitments and staying with the uncomfortable experience of less \u201cachievement\u201d. \u201cIt\u2019s a struggle, but I\u2019m starting to see that there\u2019s value in who I am, not just what I produce.\u201d<\/p>\n Martin has also been deliberately seeking out time with male friends, some of whom are also transitioning into retirement. He notes that these conversations are fragile, as men of his generation rarely venture on the thin ice of personal vulnerability.<\/p>\n \u201cWe skate around the issue and often back off, but we all sense we are in the same boat. And in any case, hanging out and obliquely touching on meaning and purpose has been heartwarming in a black humour sort of way.\u201d<\/p>\n Processing a mixed bag of emotions<\/p>\n Both men share the experience as a mixed bag of seemingly contradictory emotions. They both describe gratitude for being in a position to make choices, for opportunities and relationships, alongside the anxiety, frustration and (sometimes) sadness of a life in flux.<\/p>\n Psychological research<\/a> suggests that mixed emotions \u2013 like sadness and gratitude \u2013 are not contradictory but coexistent and neurologically integrated. This paradox validates John and Martin\u2019s experience. Many retirees have similar experiences but struggle to put it into words.<\/p>\n John has discovered sharing his writing about his experiences has helped him make sense of his own mixed bag. He has appreciated positive feedback from others that his reflections are encouraging in their transitions towards retirement.<\/p>\n Retirement has come to be seen as an event, but perhaps it\u2019s more like a passage \u2013 a crossing from the scaffolded certainties of working life to unmapped terrain that must be navigated. The real work of this next chapter is to embrace the messy middle not as a void, but as a creative space, where purpose and tasks no longer arrive by calendar invite.<\/p>\n Martin and John remind us that meaning doesn\u2019t retire when we do; it simply migrates and must be rediscovered. The messy middle requires testing new identities, trying new activities and practising patience. Just like work, really.<\/p>\n This piece was inspired by a Guardian Modern Mind<\/a> reader who replied to a previous post about time affluence and suggested a follow-up
Martin and John are amalgams of a few different people, all of whom have given permission for their experiences to be shared here. Some details have been changed for privacy
Gaynor Parkin is a clinical psychologist and founder at Button Psychology<\/a>. Dave Winsborough is a co-founder at Deeper Signals<\/a> and Button Psychology<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A few months into an eagerly planned retirement, Martin described the transition as \u201ca seismic shift\u201d. \u201cI thought…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":279336,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[12,26],"class_list":{"0":"post-279335","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-world","8":"tag-news","9":"tag-world"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/114889953352766458","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279335","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=279335"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279335\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/279336"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=279335"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=279335"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=279335"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}