{"id":285078,"date":"2025-07-23T11:33:26","date_gmt":"2025-07-23T11:33:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/285078\/"},"modified":"2025-07-23T11:33:26","modified_gmt":"2025-07-23T11:33:26","slug":"these-narcissist-influencers-want-to-share-their-side-of-the-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/285078\/","title":{"rendered":"These narcissist influencers want to share their side of the story."},"content":{"rendered":"

Sign up for the Slatest<\/a> to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily.<\/p>\n

It was after another blowout argument with his wife that Lee Hammock first googled narcissist.<\/p>\n

Their fights were frequent and explosive. He hated his warehouse job. He thought he was meant for more. He was fit, good-looking, and still in his 30s; maybe he should be an actor, he said. When she interjected that most actors don\u2019t earn much, Hammock became indignant.
\u201cYou think I\u2019m pathetic,\u201d he retorted. \u201cYou think I\u2019m one of these just average-ass people.\u201d Conversations about his goals implicitly involved an assessment of his prospects, which was agitating. In another argument, he blamed his lack of career focus on the workload created by their infant son. Before storming out, she called him a narcissist.<\/p>\n

Alone in their North Carolina home, he scrolled through his phone, hunting for a bit of information to refute her. But search results showed criteria for narcissistic personality disorder<\/a>, a condition marked by unreasonably high self-importance, pathological need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. These resonated with Hammock, hard.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt explained so much for me, the entirety of my life,\u201d he says. He sensed there was something abnormal about his sensitivity to criticism, the inadequacy of his emotional reaction to others, and his ever-present discontent about jobs and social status.<\/p>\n

NPD has been listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders since its third edition, in 1980. But more recently, the narcissist has become a villain of personal and political narratives, a slimy creature that can only feign humanity, at least in the popular imagination. <\/strong>The elation of Hammock\u2019s epiphany died down as he continued to scroll and click. There were few resources for narcissists, but many Facebook groups for their self-identified victims.<\/p>\n

\u201cI go into these groups, and it\u2019s just people saying, \u2018Narcissists are evil, leave them immediately, they need to be on a registry,\u2019 all kinds of stuff like that,\u201d says Hammock. \u201cI\u2019m going through all that and I\u2019m like, \u2018Oh, hell no, why would I want to be attached to that?\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n

Hammock, now a 40-year-old father of three, was already making comedy videos for TikTok. After he started therapy and was formally diagnosed, he made narcissism his online brand. He has since gathered more than 2 million followers across YouTube<\/a>, Instagram<\/a>, and TikTok<\/a> with his videos that give an insider\u2019s view on narcissism.<\/p>\n

He is one in a cohort of self-described \u201cself-aware\u201d narcissists with an ask that may sound rich: consider their perspective. On social media, through podcasts and self-published memoirs, on subreddits and Facebook groups, they lay out their thought processes, which may be prickly and uncomfortable for a non-narcissist to take in. But they rarely resemble the cold-blooded antagonists seen on other posts and forums that unscientifically deploy the narcissist label. As alarming as it has been made to seem, clinical narcissism is not rare: An estimated<\/a> 6.2 percent of Americans are diagnosable with NPD. Hammock and his ilk are pushing back against a wave of disdain for the last psychological condition that it\u2019s still acceptable to deem totally damning to someone\u2019s character.<\/p>\n

Google searches for narcissism<\/a> spiked after the first election of Donald Trump in 2016. They\u2019ve reached new heights over the last three years, with searches for \u201cnarcissistic abuse\u201d trending in parallel. These searches often lead one to Facebook groups with names like Narcissist Awareness<\/a> and Expose the Narcissist With the Truth<\/a> where members share stories of cheating partners and abusive parents and trade lists of warning signs<\/a> and short maxims<\/a> like \u201cto preserve one\u2019s mental health, one must abandon the narcissist.\u201d The Wikipedia category for \u201cpeople with narcissistic personality disorder\u201d is stuffed with famous murderers<\/a>, alongside Nick Cannon, a recent diagnosee<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Social media\u2013savvy psychologists and life coaches have created a cottage industry of warding off and healing from narcissists. Former clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula has written three books on the subject and has 2 million YouTube subscribers who tune in for videos on outsmarting<\/a> and abandoning<\/a> narcissists.<\/p>\n

Her view, common in these circles, is that narcissists lay on superficial charm to ensnare others and then break them. She said in a TEDx talk<\/a>, \u201cYou slowly become inured to their lack of empathy, their tantrums, their rage, their insults and their entitlement, their lies and their challenges to your reality. Their insulting words slowly become your self-talk.\u201d Durvasula, who did not respond to an interview request, does not think narcissists can change<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And then there is Trump. When his character defects are blamed on narcissism<\/a>, the trait becomes a root cause of political chaos, democratic erosion, and the whole anxious and queasy feeling of the last 10 years. His political success supposedly demonstrates the potency and force of narcissistic charm. Elon Musk might be a narcissist, too. <\/a><\/p>\n

The reflex to stamp on the narcissist label has falsely conflated any cruel or deceitful behavior with narcissism, says Craig Malkin, an instructor at Harvard Medical School, the author of Rethinking Narcissism, and a clinical psychologist who treats NPD.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen people are using the term narcissist as an insult, they are really restricting their understanding to the most extreme forms \u2026 and they\u2019re usually misapplying it as almost a standard for abusive or nasty people,\u201d he says. \u201cThe problem is that there are plenty of abusive, nasty people who don\u2019t have narcissistic personality disorder.\u201d And not all narcissists are abusive, Malkin adds. \u201cWe don\u2019t even include abuse patterns in the DSM\u2019s official diagnosis for narcissism.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another key misconception is that clinical narcissists are incapable of empathy. They are capable; it is just often drowned out. \u201cEmpathy is not solid or reliable,\u201d Malkin says. \u201cIt comes and goes depending on how driven they are to feel special. When they are extremely invested in maintaining their sense of specialness, they lose sight of the needs and feelings of others.\u201d<\/p>\n

Narcissists might also be more prone to antisocial behavior. A meta-analysis<\/a> that pulled data from 123,000 individuals found that people with NPD are 18 percent more likely to engage in violence and 21 percent more likely to show other forms of aggression, like bullying. But bipolar<\/a> and borderline personality disorders<\/a> are also linked to increased propensity for violence, and clinicians see the relationship between disorders, behaviors, and other factors as complex. \u201cThere\u2019s such a diversity among the population of people with narcissistic personality,\u201d says Malkin. \u201cYou get people who are verging on psychopathy and you get people who are just troubled.\u201d<\/p>\n

The internet\u2019s self-aware narcissists don\u2019t argue their condition is benign, and most admit they can be difficult people. Hammock has made videos titled \u201c5 Ways Narcissists Can\u2019t Control Themselves<\/a>\u201d and \u201cWhy Do Narcissists REFUSE To Apologize?<\/a>\u201d But when he breaks down his thought process, there is less Machiavellian evil and more faulty perceptions and problems with impulse control.<\/p>\n

In one video, Hammock addressed \u201clove bombing<\/a>,\u201d\u00a0a tactic of showering someone with romantic gestures early to outweigh or confuse the intention of abusive tactics later.
Like \u201cgaslighting,\u201d it\u2019s a pop-psychology concept often applied to narcissists.<\/p>\n

\u201cMost narcissists don\u2019t set out to destroy people who love them,\u201d he says from that frequent soapbox of online videos, the driver\u2019s seat of a parked car. \u201cThat is not the intent. \u2026 During the love-bombing phase, narcissists really feel connected to you. They want to be everything that you want and need because, me personally, I felt like I found my person.\u201d<\/p>\n

But \u201ca switch goes off in a narcissist\u2019s brain that disconnects them emotionally from you.\u201d It could be something \u201cminiscule, like they find out something about your past they didn\u2019t like.\u201d The sudden change in their own emotions is maddening and jolting to the narcissist.<\/p>\n

Hammock answers audience questions and creates TikTok-ready comedy sketches, playing both partners in dialogues that show the frustration, of both parties, in conversing with a narcissist. He balances his social media presence with one-on-one coaching for people with NPD\u2014especially men\u2014and a career as a real estate agent (which he began after quitting the warehouse job on impulse).<\/p>\n

He wants to show that narcissists can manage their symptoms, with help. \u201cThe point of my platform is for more men to go to therapy,\u201d he said. \u201cGo talk to somebody so you\u2019re not destroying your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Self-aware narcissists also say that their condition causes them pain. \u201cEvery aspect of my waking day is dominated through the lens of: How does this make me look? How does this make me feel about myself?\u201d says Jacob Skidmore, an Ohio-based memoir author<\/a> who appears in online videos as the Nameless Narcissist<\/a>.<\/p>\n

These thoughts even intrude on him when he\u2019s reading for fun\u2014or trying to. \u201cI can\u2019t genuinely enjoy it, because all I can do is think: How am I going to tell somebody else that I\u2019m reading about this to make me sound smart?\u201d<\/p>\n

Skidmore, 25, had a group of friends as a teenager that accepted his moodiness, but he could never get close to anyone. \u201cThat would mean that I rely on them, and that means that\u2019s something that they can leverage against me,\u201d he says. Something compels him to feel like he is not just emotionally superior, but emotionally invincible.<\/p>\n

At 19, Skidmore cheated on his girlfriend\u2014despite it being an otherwise healthy relationship\u2014just to demonstrate he didn\u2019t care about her. Afterward, he started seeing a therapist. When he casually mentioned he thought he was better than all his friends, she diagnosed him with NPD.<\/p>\n

The biggest misconception about narcissism, Skidmore says, is \u201cthis malice that\u2019s attributed to it.\u201d He knows he\u2019s hurt people and pushed them away, but he says he doesn\u2019t feel in control of himself, let alone other people.<\/p>\n

Workplaces are difficult for him. He did a stint in the Army, and \u201cfucking hated it, because that constant reminder that you\u2019re basically bottom of the totem pole.\u201d He also worked as a corrections officer. He liked that better, but the hypervigilance of a prison environment wore on him. He is more comfortable with gig and freelance work, including DoorDash, app development, and making social media videos.<\/p>\n

Still, after two and a half years, Skidmore quit his YouTube channel. He couldn\u2019t handle managing his self-image for an audience of thousands. \u201cThat\u2019s overwhelming and distressing,\u201d he says. He maintains a small group of friends, but for him, narcissism is lonely. \u201cI\u2019ve always just felt lonely because, emotionally speaking, I wouldn\u2019t allow myself to connect to anybody, and then when the ego, the self-esteem regulation, isn\u2019t going well, the shame aspect of it is godawful.\u201d<\/p>\n

On forums for people with NPD, there is a term for what Skidmore is trying to avoid\u2014the shattering of a narcissist\u2019s carefully built self-image, termed a \u201cnarcissistic collapse<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giacomo Stefanini, a diagnosed narcissist who works as a musician, music journalist, and translator in Italy, says he has veered close to a few collapses: When the Italian office of Vice.com saddled him with covering pop acts he found vapid, when a two-year sabbatical to work as a musician finished unceremoniously with his final unemployment check, when a relationship ended and he moved into a sublet room.<\/p>\n

These downturns would create cracks in anyone\u2019s self-esteem, but for people with NPD, the newly created cognitive dissonance between their self-image and the setback can beget a personality crisis. \u201cYou suddenly are unrecognizable, because you were someone, and then you feel like you\u2019re no one all of a sudden,\u201d says Stefanini.<\/p>\n

Narcissists might get little sympathy among the Facebook groups and subreddits for victims of \u201cnarcissistic abuse,\u201d the largest of which have hundreds of thousands of members. (In contrast, the largest Facebook groups for people diagnosed with NPD have a few thousand.)<\/p>\n

The public Facebook group Awareness of Abuse and Narcissism<\/a> has more than 294,000 members, who often speak from places of deep hurt. Every day, they post self-help content and one-off memes slamming narcissists, discuss terms like \u201ctrauma bonding\u201d and \u201clove bombing,\u201d and ask for advice about troubling family members and partners.<\/p>\n

The group is run by 55-year-old Julie Langdon, of West Essex, England. She left a 20-year relationship with a man she says displayed \u201ccoercive control,\u201d though he was never violent. He was not diagnosed, but Langdon considers him a narcissist because he lapped up praise at a prestigious job, putting on an air that contrasted his angry fits at home. Her definition of narcissism includes \u201cmainly, a sense of entitlement,\u201d she says. \u201cThe person would think that they\u2019re actually above you, that you owe them something, that you\u2019re their slave, ultimately, but they also have a mask.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

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She benefited from an in-person support group and sought to replicate it online. She said the group\u2019s main benefits are creating a framework to address abuse and encouraging people to leave unhealthy relationships. \u201cI think the positive side is that [members] will support one another, because people will post about their worries about leaving.\u201d<\/p>\n

The clinical definition of narcissism is rarely discussed on its pages, and even Langdon thinks the term has been stretched. \u201cI think that a lot of people just think every person that\u2019s horrible to them is a narcissist, and that\u2019s not the case,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

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    Both Hammock and Skidmore say they once resented their diagnosis being dragged into these forums. Skidmore started making content out of frustration with \u201cwhat I felt was an inaccurate representation of the condition online.\u201d But as they spent more time talking about narcissism, something happened that, in some quarters, is deemed impossible: The narcissists became more empathetic toward their detractors.<\/p>\n

    Skidmore says, \u201cI was just kind of like, \u2018Oh, these fucking people are stupid; I want to tell them what\u2019s really up,\u2019 and that\u2019s evolved over time, obviously. It\u2019s not nearly as a defiant thing anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u201cI used to see it as a personal attack on me,\u201d agrees Hammock, \u201cbut as I\u2019ve grown over the years, I realized this is people speaking from their heart, right? This is people speaking their truth about what has happened to them, what they\u2019ve survived.\u201d<\/p>\n

    All that self-work has paid off, Hammock says. \u201cI\u2019m at a place where I don\u2019t feel as threatened, so I can understand the perspective of other people better.\u201d<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

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