{"id":320439,"date":"2025-08-05T18:09:11","date_gmt":"2025-08-05T18:09:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/320439\/"},"modified":"2025-08-05T18:09:11","modified_gmt":"2025-08-05T18:09:11","slug":"my-mom-is-addicted-to-spending-money-im-worried-shes-going-to-leave-us-in-debt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/320439\/","title":{"rendered":"My mom is addicted to spending money. I’m worried she’s going to leave us in debt."},"content":{"rendered":"

Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years\u2014so we\u2019re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to share classic letters with our readers.\u00a0Submit your own questions about money here<\/strong><\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Since my father died, my mother\u2019s spending has gotten out of control. Her new \u201cLife\u2019s too short!\u201d mentality, combined with a worsening gambling addiction, has led her finances to take a nosedive. She doesn\u2019t seem to care that she\u2019s cleaning out her retirement account and racking up debt, because she truly believes that all her bills will magically disappear when she\u2019s gone. But in reality, isn\u2019t she just making a big mess for the next generation to clean up? What impact can my mother\u2019s bad financial habits have on me and my siblings? Do you have any advice on how we can help her see clearly and get out of these bad habits?<\/p>\n

\u2014Hesitant to Inherit Debt<\/p>\n

Dear Hesitant,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I\u2019ve experienced the loss of a parent firsthand and it\u2019s rough. It\u2019s also rough to watch the parent that\u2019s here spiral due to their grief.<\/p>\n

TL;DR: You are not responsible for the debt your mother leaves when she is gone, unless you co-sign something for her, OR she ends up leaving behind medical bills and you live in a state that recognizes\u00a0filial responsibility laws<\/a>. I\u2019ll explain.<\/p>\n

When someone dies, their estate inherits their debt. So the debt she owes would be taken out of whatever assets she has left. It doesn\u2019t sound like there is going to be much left to pay off her creditors, so any legal action they pursue will be short lived, unless what\u2019s left is a certain kind of debt: the aforementioned medical bills, or payments due to a nursing home. This is where filial responsibility law comes in.<\/p>\n

Filial responsibility laws hold an aging parent\u2019s children accountable for their medical bills, should Medicaid not cover those expenses. It\u2019s not right, if you ask me, but some states have gone this route to allow creditors to seek payment from families. There are 26 states that allow filial responsibility laws to govern what happens after a parent dies, so your next step is to do your research to see if you live in one of them. From there, you can decide your next course of action, whether it be seeking an attorney who specializes in elder law, therapy for your mom, or both.<\/p>\n

\u2014Athena Valentine<\/p>\n

From: How Can I Get My Parents To Disinherit My Lazy, Cruel Sister?<\/a> (November 9th, 2021).<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My sister has been unemployed since 2016, and had a patchy work history before then. She\u2019s currently living with our elderly mother, who doesn\u2019t want to retire and still works outside of the home. When we were younger, my sister was vocal about wanting to become a stay-at-home mom and write in her spare time, but unfortunately that has fallen by the wayside.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s now in her 50s, single, with no children, and has no retirement funds. I don\u2019t think she wants to work. She\u2019s had several offers, but for various reasons (over-qualification, no promotion possibility, COVID, etc), she hasn\u2019t accepted any of them. She doesn\u2019t want to work service jobs. She gets income from sporadic freelancing and very small royalties from self-publishing, so she\u2019s virtually supported by our mom, who pays all the bills.I\u2019m afraid for my sister\u2019s future, especially what would happen after mom\u2019s death. Mom would have money in her retirement accounts, but I don\u2019t know how long the money would last with my sister. There\u2019s the house, but if we sell, she\u2019d probably have to rent. I don\u2019t want my sister to be destitute, and I don\u2019t mind getting a smaller inheritance, but I have two teenage children and my own retirement to look after. What should I do to ensure that she will be OK once our mom\u2019s gone, without jeopardizing my own financial health?<\/p>\n

\u2014(Don\u2019t Want to Be) My Sister\u2019s Keeper<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Greg Lavallee
\n My Son And His Cousin Look Exactly Alike. My Wife Can Never Know Why.
\n Read More<\/b>\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Sister\u2019s Keeper,<\/strong><\/p>\n

You aren\u2019t alone in having a parent who supports your adult sibling. According to\u00a0this study<\/a>\u00a0recently published by CNBC, 45 percent of adults surveyed who have adult children have admitted to currently supporting them financially. You are not obligated to take care of your sister, just like your mother isn\u2019t, so it\u2019s nice that you do care what happens to her after your mother dies.<\/p>\n

My advice is to ask your mom about it, and leave your sister out of it. Take your mother to lunch, or another neutral meeting place and\u00a0ask how her estate planning is going<\/a>. You can say that you are doing your own end of life financial planning, and want to make sure she is prepared since she is currently caring for your sibling, and she does own property. Since she may also be thinking the same thing, she may feel relieved in knowing she\u2019s not alone in figuring out this issue.<\/p>\n

    \n
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    Help! My Husband Committed the Ultimate Blunder at My Sister\u2019s Wedding.
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  4. \n
    \n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

    My Neighbor Asked If Our Son Was OK After His \u201cAdventure.\u201d That\u2019s How We Learned What Happened While He Was With Grandma.
    \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    If she\u2019s open to discussing it further, be honest, without putting your sister down. Share that you\u2019re okay receiving a smaller inheritance, if that means your sister is taken care of, since you cannot provide the same financial support your mother now does. You genuinely care about your sister\u2014I can tell from your letter\u2014and your actions will reflect that.<\/p>\n

    Your mother may freeze up and not want to discuss this, which is normal.\u00a0A lot of parents do not like to discuss their estate plans with their children, for various reasons. If the conversation goes south, let it go, and change the subject. It may be frustrating but at the end of the day, there is only so much you can do. Instead, focus on what you can. Prepare for hard conversations by reviewing potential scenarios with a therapist who specializes in codependency, and can help you establish boundaries, so you\u2019re ready when the time comes, whatever the situation may be.<\/p>\n

    From: What Should I Do With This Shard Of Bitcoin My Evil Ex Left Me?<\/a> (November 16th, 2021).<\/p>\n

    More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    My husband and I have been struggling to find a house to buy. Despite having a down payment saved, we still pay rent, and the market is insane where we live. My in-laws have several homes and decided to turn their vacation home into their retirement one. After their last renter moved, they offered their old suburban house to my husband and myself for free. It is very generous\u2014unpromptedly so!\u2014but I hate the idea<\/a>.<\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years\u2014so we\u2019re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":320440,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3093],"tags":[4376,51,390,474,2499,16,15],"class_list":{"0":"post-320439","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-family","11":"tag-finance","12":"tag-personal-finance","13":"tag-uk","14":"tag-united-kingdom"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/114977503227037581","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320439","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=320439"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320439\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/320440"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=320439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=320439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=320439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}