![\"Candace](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/candace-headshots-11of8-copy-1c31-e1753733663859.jpeg\")
\n\t\tCandace Bryan\u2019s lifelong absent mother sent her an Instagram message saying her comedy looked cool (Picture: Jamie Henderson)<\/p>\n
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\n\t\tCandace Bryan\u2019s lifelong absent mother sent her an Instagram message saying her comedy looked cool (Picture: Jamie Henderson)<\/p>\n
Candace Bryan planned on doing her debut Edinburgh Fringe<\/a> hour about her dad, who raised her as a single parent. <\/p>\n But last year, the US comedian was doomscrolling, and her estranged mother has slid into her DMs. Now, she\u2019s got a lot to unpack. <\/p>\n \u2018I had mostly written her off,\u2019 Candace tells Metro <\/strong>in a chat ahead of her Fringe run, where she will discuss this mysterious enigma that is her mother every night in her show MILF (Mom I\u2019d Like to Find).<\/p>\n Candace\u2019s mother and father divorced when she was a baby. She had not seen or heard from her since, save one time she remembers as a child. <\/p>\n \u2018It was kind of a blur, but I sort of remember not liking her very much and I remember her smoking a lot of cigarettes,\u2019 Candace says. <\/p>\n But while Candace spent much of her life thinking her mother didn\u2019t have custody of her and so was unable to opt into her life, the opposite was true. <\/p>\n A few years ago, Candace asked her dad about her mum. It was only then that she found out about the custody.<\/p>\n (Candace is from Memphis, where she says families don\u2019t talk as openly as in other US states, so a lot of her knowledge was based on assumption).<\/p>\n \t\t \t\t \u2018I remember being really affected by that, because I had been telling myself this story for so many years that she wasn\u2019t really expected to show up for me in a way. But it turns out she was, and she just chose not to.\u2019 <\/p>\n So you can imagine Candace\u2019s distress when her mother randomly followed her on Instagram. <\/p>\n Her name isn\u2019t a common one, so when Candace saw it flash up on her social media she dared to think: \u2018Is that my mother?\u2019 <\/p>\n \u2018I started looking at her profile and I was like, this person kind of looks like me but in their 50s, which is the age that she would be,\u2019 Candace explains. <\/p>\n Then she slid into Candace\u2019s DMs basically saying, \u2018Hey, I\u2019m your biological mum!\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018When I thought about my first contact with my biological mum, I can not begin to tell you how it never occurred to me that that would be on Instagram,\u2019 Candace says.<\/p>\n \u2018She sent this really nice message,\u2019 Candace explains \u2013 though what happened next flawed her. <\/p>\n Her mum was just joining social media for the first time in a few years and said how amazing Candace\u2019s life looked, that she\u2019s proud of her, and that she would love to be in touch.<\/p>\n \u2018I didn\u2019t really know how to react, so I spent a couple of days kind of talking to my dad and talking to my friends and figuring out what I wanted to do and if I wanted to reply, because it was a bit flippant,\u2019 Candace says. <\/p>\n \u2018It seemed strange and so out of the blue, and I couldn\u2019t help but have the thought of why now? It\u2019s kind of scary. Like, why all of a sudden is she reaching out, is something wrong?\u2019<\/p>\n But when Candace decided to reply, she went into the conversation, and her mother had deleted the message and unfollowed her on Instagram.<\/p>\n \u2018I hadn\u2019t really had an emotional reaction tothe original message, because I\u2019m kind of a reserved person, and I\u2019m very cautious emotionally. <\/p>\n \u2018But when I saw that had happened, it really triggered such an emotional reaction in me. It was very hurtful,\u2019 she admits. <\/p>\n Candace also felt angry, as it seemed like her mother was punishing her for not being more decisive about replying sooner. <\/p>\n \u2018It seemed like there\u2019s a lack of empathy, if she can\u2019t see how this is coming across from my perspective. It was very triggering.\u2019<\/p>\n \t\t It was funny timing. Candace had been thinking a lot about how the absence of her mother had shaped her over the past year before the Instagram message.<\/p>\n She\u2019s never been a girly-girl, for instance. Candace is also in her 30s and child-free by choice. While there are many other factors in Candace\u2019s decision \u2013 a love for her comedy<\/a> work, financial reasons, and kids just being a lot of work \u2013 a lack of a mother figure definitely contributed.<\/p>\n \u2018I think not having experienced being mothered, there\u2019s just not a drive in me to want to be a mother,\u2019 she says. <\/p>\n So it changed her life path. It\u2019s also given her \u2018textbook\u2019 abandonment issues. <\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s definitely affected my relationships. I have anxieties around feeling the need to be perfect and having to earn people\u2019s love, or else they\u2019ll leave,\u2019 she explains. <\/p>\n Growing up, Candace never felt a lack of love or attention. She was raised by a loving father \u2013 her best friend. He did an incredible job, even as a 20-something single dad. He grew up with an absent father himself, so knows Candace\u2019s experience well.<\/p>\n \u2018I didn\u2019t sit around as a child and think, \u201cWhy did I have a mum?\u201d Because I sort of felt like my dad was my mum and my dad,\u2019 she says.<\/p>\n It\u2019s strange that Candace\u2019s story seems so foreign. We never usually think of a single parent being a man, and if they are, it\u2019s assumed they are a devoted and selfless widow, not that a woman \u2018peaced out\u2019 of motherhood like Candace\u2019s did.<\/p>\n \u2018I think it says a lot about the expectations that we put on women,\u2019 Candace says, having been surprised to meet other people with absent mothers (they do exist).<\/p>\n \u2018Like, \u201ca woman can\u2019t leave her child because women are supposed to be these goddess mother figures who would never have the reason to leave that a man would.\u201d That\u2019s not always the case.\u2019 <\/p>\n After the Instagram message, Candace and her father talked much more about her mum. <\/p>\n \u2018I called my dad crying, and we ended up having a really big conversation about it,\u2019 she recalls. <\/p>\n Candace\u2019s mother was the eldest of several children, many of whom she was made responsible for. Then she had Candace, aged 18.<\/p>\n \u2018I can empathise with that being a really tough situation,\u2019 Candace says. <\/p>\n \u2018Not to get dark, but the culture of abortion in America, and thinking about getting pregnant at 17\u2026 The pressures that you must be under, and having to make such a big life decision.<\/p>\n \u2018I can\u2019t imagine being in that position, just because I was raised with so much more support, that if I had ended up in that position, I would have had different choices available to me.\u2019 <\/p>\n Candace doesn\u2019t resent her mother for what she did. <\/p>\n \u2018If I or my friends were in that position all you can really do is feel sorry for someone,\u2019 she says. <\/p>\n \t\t A few months later, Candace\u2019s mother tried to contact her again \u2013 this time through her relative. Now her details are with Candace, who is contemplating her next move.<\/p>\n \u2018At that point I was of the mindset of thinking this is not necessarily someone who, at least anytime soon, I\u2019m ready to bring into my life,\u2019 Candace says. <\/p>\n \u2018There\u2019s a lack of care and empathy and stability with how they\u2019re approaching it, that is kind of off putting to me.\u2019 <\/p>\n But curiosity will likely take over when Candace is ready. <\/p>\n \u2018I know so much who I am is affected by the way that I was raised, but I\u2019m sure there are parts of me that are similar to this person, and how could I not want to see that?\u2019 Candace explains. <\/p>\n Mostly though, Candace feels empathy. She would like her mother to know that. <\/p>\n \u2018There\u2019s part of me too that really wants to get in contact at least in a small way to say: \u201cBy the way, I don\u2019t hate you, and I\u2019m not mad at you. Any guilt that you feel is understandable.<\/p>\n \u2018\u201dBut I don\u2019t want you to think that I\u2019m over here resenting you over the decisions you\u2019ve made, when I\u2019m actually very much able to understand them.\u201d\u2018 <\/p>\n Candace Bryan: MILF (Mom I\u2019d Like to Find) is on every day at the Edinburgh Fringe in August at 3.15pm at the Just The Sub-Atomic Room at Just the Tonic Nucleus. Tickets here<\/a>. <\/p>\n Got a story?<\/strong><\/p>\n If you\u2019ve got a celebrity story, video or pictures get in touch with the Metro.co.uk<\/a> entertainment team by emailing us celebtips@metro.co.uk, calling 020 3615 2145 or by visiting our Submit Stuff<\/a> page \u2013 we\u2019d love to hear from you.<\/p>\n \t\t\tComments Arrow Arrow![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/candace-headshots-25of13-c9e9-e1753733693200.jpg\")
\n\t\tShe was raised by a single dad in his 20s (Picture: Jamie Henderson)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/candace-headshots-23of13-1-e6c1-e1753733714878.jpg\")
\n\t\t\u2018It seemed like there\u2019s a lack of empathy, if she can\u2019t see how this is coming across from my perspective. It was very triggering.\u2019 (Picture: Jamie Henderson)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/candace-headshots-211of13-copy-11bd-e1753733733713.jpeg\")
\n\t\tCandace doesn\u2019t resent her mother for what she did (Picture: Jamie Henderson)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/candace-headshots-22of13-d457-e1753733764864.jpg\")
\n\t\tCandace would like her mother to know that she doesn\u2019t resent her. She has empathy (Picture: Jamie Henderson)<\/p>\n
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