{"id":345087,"date":"2025-08-14T23:32:32","date_gmt":"2025-08-14T23:32:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/345087\/"},"modified":"2025-08-14T23:32:32","modified_gmt":"2025-08-14T23:32:32","slug":"what-does-your-european-vacation-destination-say-about-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/345087\/","title":{"rendered":"What Does Your European Vacation Destination Say About You?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cWhat?\u201d she cries, adjusting her Jacquemus minidress. \u201cIt sounds like you\u2019re just mumbling a bunch of vowels.\u201d<\/p>\n

You sigh. \u201cClub 55.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you just say that in the first place?\u201d<\/p>\n

You wave around. \u201cBecause it\u2019s French! We\u2019re in France!\u201d<\/p>\n

She pushes down her Celine Triomphe sunglasses to look you straight in the eye. \u201cYou\u2019re wearing Ray Bans and, like, a Brooks Brothers shirt. Everyone knows you\u2019re American.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Loro Piana,\u201d you say, a little hurt.<\/p>\n

You both sit in silence on your ride to Pampelonne. You look back at your charter\u2014an 80-foot Sunseeker. It looked so huge when you first saw it. Until a 300-foot Blohm+Voss anchored right behind you.<\/p>\n

*girlfriend is a generous term.<\/p>\n

The Dolomites<\/p>\n

You are so over party Europe\u2014you\u2019re a changed man now. Less cocaine at Gospel, more IVs at Remedy Place. So off to the Dolomites you go, like an Alo Yoga\u2013wearing, AmEx-wielding Captain von Trapp, seeing if the mountain air will magically undo the hearing loss you got when R\u00fcf\u00fcs Du Sol played at Shellona last year.<\/p>\n

When you return to the States, you\u2019ll tell everyone how many vertical feet you hiked. In reality, you never left the pool at Forestis.<\/p>\n

Mykonos<\/p>\n

You are under the age of 30, say \u201cyacht daddy\u201d unironically, and just want to rage face at Alemagou in a crop top and some body glitter. If you are over the age of 30, congratulations, you\u2019re on the fast track to a liver transplant.<\/p>\n

Patmos<\/p>\n

Mykonos? Oh, please. You aren\u2019t a degenerate. You care about wine. Art. Culture. You\u2019re reading Nicholas Boggs<\/a>\u2019s 1000-page biography of James Baldwin, for God\u2019s sake. That\u2019s why you chose Patmos, a remote, civilized retreat away from the fist-pumping crowds. Where you can sail the deep blue Aegean Sea on a kaiki and ponder the mysticality of the island while finding yourself.<\/p>\n

Although you didn\u2019t realize the beaches would be so\u2026rocky. And you didn\u2019t realize you had to share your private cabin on the eight-hour ferry ride from Athens with three strangers. One of them went through four bags of Cool Ranch Doritos.<\/p>\n

That night, as you sit at Benetos, the Meltemi blowing so hard it\u2019s exposing your bald spot\u2026you kinda wish you had the Gwyneth Paltrow biography to read instead.<\/p>\n

Ibiza<\/p>\n

You used to go to Mykonos. Yet two shamans and an ayahuasca trip later, here you are, ordering chocolate mushroom bonbons with a raspberry ganache and picking out the perfect DC10 outfit from Annie\u2019s Ibiza. (Gold disc mini skirt and matching top. Total cost? $3,000.) You considered renting a villa from Le Collectionist ($30,000 a week) in Es Cubells, but settled on the Six Senses ($2,700 per night) in order to \u201cembrace your spirituality\u201d on the north side of the Island. Thirty-four minutes into your Mercedes Sprinter van ride to Jondal (where your meal for four people cost $2,000), you deeply regret this decision. You don\u2019t even like yoga that much.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u201cWhat?\u201d she cries, adjusting her Jacquemus minidress. \u201cIt sounds like you\u2019re just mumbling a bunch of vowels.\u201d You…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":345088,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5174],"tags":[2000,299,5187,391,122536,50556,183,4715],"class_list":{"0":"post-345087","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-eu","8":"tag-eu","9":"tag-europe","10":"tag-european","11":"tag-opinion","12":"tag-storytypeopinion","13":"tag-textabovecenterfullbleed","14":"tag-travel","15":"tag-web"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/115029733817485674","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/345087","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=345087"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/345087\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/345088"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=345087"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=345087"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=345087"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}