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On a recent 10pm train home from a spicy, Szechuan dinner in Bloomsbury, I called up my best friend who lives out of town. A romantic affair had blown up and I was gagging to dissect it. \u201cThat is just classic boy,\u201d she told me, after I loudly regaled the drama, revelling over the tonal specificities of an exchange that had particularly irked me. <\/p>\n
Hearing her words felt good. It was a dance we had done through most of our twenties (I\u2019m now 28, and this time around have been single for a year). Someone in our friendship group would relay their version of some infuriating and\/or disturbing series of events \u2013 a wild love bomber, an unruly gaslighter, a pushy sexual partner \u2013 and the rest of us would roll our eyes with predictable fury. \u201cThat is soooo male.\u201d \u201cThat is such a boy thing to say.\u201d \u201cThat is such a man response.\u201d<\/p>\n
Of course, our gender-essentialist readings are somewhat tongue-in-cheek. I\u2019m talking about the social constructs of gender rather than individuals, I am being hyperbolic with my language, and so on. But there is something irresistibly satisfying about having these neat – albeit exaggerated and reductive – rationalisations for the poor behaviour that makes us feel slighted. Of course he\u2019s still into you. He\u2019s just being a man child!<\/p>\n
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Does real love exist in 2025? Organic meetings like the one in Too Much seem like a thing of the past<\/p>\n
Ana Blumenkron\/Netflix<\/p>\n
Then, last month, a more light-hearted TikTok trend saw women mocking their boyfriends\u2019 \u2018inadequate\u2019 understanding of good boyfriend behaviour \u2014 proclaiming that things like buying her flowers, funding her manicures and making her breakfast in bed is not \u201cprincess treatment\u201d, but \u201cthe bare minimum\u201d.<\/p>\n
Across the UK, more and more adults are living alone (one in eight adults were in this living arrangement in 2023, according to ONS data<\/a>). The number of Brits who have never married or been in a civil partnership is also on the rise<\/a>, with the highest proportion of singletons in London<\/a>. And yet while data indicates that the Big Smoke is not short of bachelors, women who date men in the city tell a different story. <\/p>\n \u201cThe desert is parched,\u201d Zing Tsjeng writes in a Vogue article, Where are all the eligible men?<\/a>, after re-entering the singles<\/a> market following a 13-year relationship. Meanwhile, in The Independent, Helen Coffey ponders whether women have become \u201ctoo eligible to date<\/a>\u201d \u2013 unpacking how women outstripping men in higher education could be ruining romance.<\/p>\n Do single women dating men in London really have the worse end of the stick? Or are things just as hard \u2014 or worse \u2014 for men dating women? I wanted to hear it from men themselves \u2014 so I turned to my single male friends, friends of friends and men I befriended on Reddit to find out. <\/p>\n A longstanding trope about heterosexual dating (that pulsates through virtually every Nineties rom com) is that young women are desperate for a relationship and young men are desperately trying to run away from one. But is this really true?<\/p>\n \u201cI definitely want to be in a relationship,\u201d Kyle,* a 30-year-old who works in product management who has been \u201con and off single\u201d for 10 years, tells me over the phone. While he\u2019s had a handful of six or seven month romances, they\u2019ve ultimately fizzled. <\/p>\n These days he\u2019s dating with intention, but finding love in London has been tricky. <\/p>\n \u201cI haven\u2019t really met anyone organically,\u201d he says, explaining that unless he\u2019s at an explicitly singles-only event, he\u2019d never approach a girl in person. \u201cI worry about making other people uncomfortable,\u201d he says \u2014 something he puts down to a combination of a fear of public rejection and watching other men approach women in a way that clearly makes them feel unsettled.<\/p>\n I haven\u2019t really met anyone organically. I worry about making other people uncomfortable<\/p>\n Kyle, 30<\/p>\n Speed dating events<\/a> and singles mixers have resurfaced in cities around the world in recent years \u2013 in part a reaction to dating app fatigue. Yet these events are notoriously over-attended by women. Recently the female journalist Moya Crockett described<\/a> how such an event at \u201can artsy social club in Peckham\u201d had so few male attendees that \u201cthe organisers were running out onto the street to try and recruit random men to come in and make up the numbers.\u201d<\/p>\n Kyle, however, has frequented a few singles events (a Thursday<\/a> mixer and a speed dating event at Dinner for One Hundred<\/a>), but he hasn\u2019t enjoyed them. \u201cIt can feel a bit like a meat factory,\u201d he says, \u201cEveryone’s competing with each other. It can be a bit unpleasant.\u201d <\/p>\n That feeling of competitiveness \u2014 of numerically ranking one\u2019s physical attributes and accolades against another \u2014 is of course only amplified on dating apps. \u201cI think it skews our perception of the general male or female population,\u201d Michael, a 31-year-old bachelor who works in jewellery \u2014 and is not on the apps – told me. \u201cOn a larger scale, I think that plays with our mental health in terms of how we view our own bodies and face.\u201d<\/p>\n Michael is 5\u201910, and while he goes to the gym and does martial arts, he says he still doesn\u2019t have the \u201cpeak male physique\u201d that rich male influencers flaunt on TikTok and Youtube. <\/p>\n Tinder\u2019s new height filter<\/a> has only added fuel to the fire \u2014 encouraging users to think about potential partners in quantifiable terms. One of Michael\u2019s friends is 5\u20196, but put that he was 5\u20198 on the apps. \u201cNobody would look at him otherwise.\u201d<\/p>\n How many Harrys have they turned away? Evan Handler recently asked<\/p>\n HBO<\/p>\n Are there really \u2018no eligible men,\u2019 or are women overlooking men who are under 6\u2019? As Even Handler (who plays Harry in Sex and the City) put it in a recent TODAY interview: \u201cA lot of women come up to me and say, \u2018I\u2019m looking for my Harry.\u2019 I always wonder, \u2018How many Harrys have they turned away? And how many will you still?\u2019” <\/p>\n While men tend to outnumber women on dating apps, the IRL heterosexual market tells a different story. Women aged 25 to 35 outnumber men in London by seven per cent \u2014 with particularly stark disparities in boroughs such as Wandsworth, Lambeth and Hackney (according to data<\/a> published in 2022).<\/p>\n As well as this, research indicates that settling down may be particularly hard for women who live in London \u2014 that\u2019s on top of the pre-existing pressures of the \u2018biological clock\u2019. According to data scientist and demographer Stephen J Shaw, 32 per cent of British women aged 25 to 35 living outside of London and the south-east of England said the main barrier to starting a family was finding a suitable partner. That figure rose to 47 per cent in the capital. <\/p>\n Indeed, some single men I spoke with felt overwhelmed by the feeling of romantic choice. \u201cI’ve found it hard to know when to decide that this is the right person that I want to stay with,\u201d Kyle explains. Even though he wants a relationship, he said it\u2019s often him who ends things. Then he goes back on the apps. \u201cThere’s no incentive to stick with someone,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n I’m just kind of window shopping, which is kind of gross and sad<\/p>\n Martin, 28<\/p>\n Martin, a 28-year-old who has been single for about a year, also felt like the apps were impacting his ability to invest in someone. \u201cI have a whole list of girls at my fingertips that I could ask for a drink\u201d he told me. \u201cWhen I’m using [Hinge]… I’m not even necessarily using it with the idea of, like, okay, I’m gonna get a date for later this week. I’m just kind of window shopping,\u201d he says, \u201cwhich is kind of gross and sad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou might go on a date with someone. It’s okay, and you think: \u2018all right, well, there’s no point in pursuing someone who is just okay,\u2019\u201d he says, and thinks this gives him the \u201copportunity to just be like, \u2018Nah, next.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve just got to take the hit\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n While Martin is having no issue meeting women on Hinge, that\u2019s not to say his dating life is care-free. With \u00a37 pints and \u00a350 small plate dinners becoming the norm, romance in the big-city is eye-wateringly expensive \u2014 particularly now he\u2019s unemployed. Then, there\u2019s the added pressure of having to pick up the bill.<\/p>\n According to one Elite Singles survey of 300,000 singles, 63 per cent of men thought that they should pay the bill on a first date, while just 7 per cent wanted to go Dutch. Those social expectations put a sizable pressure on young men in the UK\u2014 particularly considering a third (33.7 per cent) of 20 to 34 year old men live with their parents<\/a>, compared with less than a quarter (22.1 per cent) of women.<\/p>\n I have a niggling feeling in the back of my head that I\u2019ll come across as cheap or broke if I don\u2019t pay for a first date<\/p>\n Martin, 28<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve just got to take the hit,\u201d says Arthur, a 26-year-old who moved back into his family home after a break up in January. \u201cThere’s been times where it’s like a 200 quid night on a first date on just a s***load of cocktails.\u201d<\/p>\n Those in favour of men wining and dining female lovers sometimes cite the gender wage gap \u2014 the fact that women earn \u00a3631 less than men each month, taking home about \u00a37,572 less over a year. However, women are actually more likely than men to want to split the bill. According to the Elite Singles survey, less than half (46 per cent) of women think that men should pay for a first date, and 18 per cent would rather split it.<\/p>\n Still, that doesn\u2019t mean men don\u2019t feel the pressure. \u201cI have that niggling feeling in the back of my head that I don’t want to come across as cheap or as broke,\u201d Martin says. <\/p>\n Chatting to London\u2019s eligible bachelors, I was excited to grill them about which gendered-stereotypes about dating were true in their own lives. Had they been breadcrumbed? Ghosted<\/a>? Love bombed<\/a>?<\/p>\n One 27-year-old singleton, who works in social media marketing, admitted that he\u2019d once been guilty of love bombing, laying it on thick then \u201csuddenly pulling away\u201d\u2014 introducing a girl to his mum and inviting her to a weekend away for his friend\u2019s birthday, even though his heart wasn\u2019t in it. He said he\u2019d felt pressure to invite her. \u201cI will never do it again,\u201d he said. \u201cI learnt my lesson.\u201d<\/p>\n Everyone had their own tales of rejection, insecurity and humiliation <\/p>\n Several men did say that they found it off-putting when it seemed like a woman was \u201cdesperate for a relationship\u201d and that they felt like they were more able to emotionally detach from sex. But none of the men I spoke with felt like women were more likely to want commitment than men, and several of them had been ghosted after sex, too. Everyone had their own tales of rejection, insecurity and humiliation. <\/p>\n Of course dating does not exist in a vacuum and our romantic lives are impacted by the gender roles we\u2019ve been taught. But as much as I get a satisfying rush from cackling with my female friends about \u2018classic male behaviour,\u2019 I know deep down that it\u2019s not productive. <\/p>\n As social media algorithms increasingly drive young men and boys into the misogynistic manosphere, I think we could all benefit from probing the heterosexual cultural script \u2014 and what aspects of it are making us miserable. Romance is raw and hard and vulnerable for everyone. We should be open with each other about the aspects of intimacy that we find hard.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"On a recent 10pm train home from a spicy, Szechuan dinner in Bloomsbury, I called up my best…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":356462,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7757],"tags":[748,17605,393,4884,257,1702,55332,16,15,1292],"class_list":{"0":"post-356461","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-london","8":"tag-britain","9":"tag-dating","10":"tag-england","11":"tag-great-britain","12":"tag-london","13":"tag-men","14":"tag-singles","15":"tag-uk","16":"tag-united-kingdom","17":"tag-women"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/115054754222017194","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/356461","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=356461"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/356461\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/356462"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=356461"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=356461"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=356461"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"And](\"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/andjustlikethat-3-6f7688bc5ed043b1baef65c8278e5a5c.jpg\")
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