{"id":396291,"date":"2025-09-04T04:10:10","date_gmt":"2025-09-04T04:10:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/396291\/"},"modified":"2025-09-04T04:10:10","modified_gmt":"2025-09-04T04:10:10","slug":"my-husbands-sister-is-pregnant-with-her-third-child-she-needs-money-but-we-we-have-our-own-bills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/396291\/","title":{"rendered":"My husband’s sister is pregnant with her third child. She needs money, but we we have our own bills!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? <\/strong>Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/strong><\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/strong><\/p>\n

My partner\u2019s sister is expecting her third child in December, it was quite a surprise, she found out at 20 weeks. I\u2019m happy for her and excited about the baby, but concerned about the financial side. She and her husband haven\u2019t worked in nearly a decade.<\/p>\n

They\u2019re barely getting by on government support, and my partner has loaned her money over the years. She currently owes him over $1,000\u2014though she pays small amounts back, she borrows more than she repays. I don\u2019t mind him helping with his own money, but we recently bought a home, live in a high-cost area, and are planning our wedding. With a new baby, I fear she\u2019ll ask to borrow more than we can manage, especially since we want children ourselves in the next few years. He\u2019s already given $200 for travel to appointments and baby expenses. We\u2019d like to support them to an extent but need advice on how to set a budget and some boundaries about this.<\/p>\n

\u2014Loans for In-Laws<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Loans,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I hear you\u2014you want to be supportive family members but you also want to protect your own financial future. And with a house, wedding, and kids on the horizon, you\u2019re smart to think about this.<\/p>\n

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    Unfortunately, the fact that there\u2019s already $1,000 worth of debt and growing might be a red flag that this tension is only going to get worse. It\u2019s time to have an honest conversation with your partner about setting a specific annual or monthly budget for helping family. Maybe $50 to $100 per month? Whatever feels manageable without straining your goals. Now is a good time to get clear on what those goals are, exactly, and start there. Start with how much you want to set aside for your future\u2014whether it\u2019s homeownership or childcare costs\u2014and then use whatever is leftover to figure out how much you can afford to give to family, if anything. Here\u2019s a calculator<\/a> to help you figure out some of the costs of parenthood, and here\u2019s one to help with homeownership<\/a>. They can at least give you a ballpark for figuring out how much you need to set aside today to plan for tomorrow.<\/p>\n

    This way, you can still be generous but there are clear limits for that generosity so that it doesn\u2019t come at the cost of your own goals.
    You could also offer non-monetary support, like putting together a registry, cooking meals, or helping with other household tasks. It can help to have responses ready for the inevitable requests that come from your sister-in-law, too. Something like, \u201cWe\u2019re trying to save for our own goals, so the budget is tight this month, but we\u2019d love to help by offering a couple of hours of childcare.\u201d<\/p>\n

    It also might be worth discussing whether any future loans should have written repayment plans. Although honestly, given the track record, treating any money as a gift rather than a loan might save everyone stress and resentment at this point.<\/p>\n

    Ultimately, the key is to present all of this as a united front. Your partner needs to own these boundaries rather than making you the \u201cbad guy.\u201d Setting limits now will help avoid bigger problems down the road.<\/p>\n

    \u2014Kristin<\/p>\n

    More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

    My mother-in-law is in her late 60s and has well more than $100,000 in student loan debt that she has no plan to pay back. In fact, she\u2019s told my husband and me repeatedly that her plan is to go to school until she drops dead to avoid repaying! She has two master\u2019s degrees and is now applying for a Ph.D. program in a social science field where, even if she got a pay raise, she\u2019d have no hope of making enough to pay her loans. I would (obviously) rather she at least considers paying her loans, but I also think student loans are predatory at best, so it\u2019s not a battle I\u2019m willing to have with her\u2014unless we\u2019ll be on the hook for her bad behavior after her death.<\/a><\/p>\n

    The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":396292,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3093],"tags":[4376,51,474,2499,224,17966,16,15],"class_list":{"0":"post-396291","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-finance","11":"tag-personal-finance","12":"tag-relationships","13":"tag-slate-plus","14":"tag-uk","15":"tag-united-kingdom"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/115144073314976433","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/396291","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=396291"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/396291\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/396292"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=396291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=396291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=396291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}