{"id":402632,"date":"2025-09-06T12:30:20","date_gmt":"2025-09-06T12:30:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/402632\/"},"modified":"2025-09-06T12:30:20","modified_gmt":"2025-09-06T12:30:20","slug":"the-first-time-sleeping-with-someone-after-my-husband-died-felt-healing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/402632\/","title":{"rendered":"The first time sleeping with someone after my husband died felt healing"},"content":{"rendered":"

Nicky Wade said “there\u2019s no expiry date on living authentically”\"NickyNicky Wade is determined to break down misconceptions(Image: Nicky Wade )<\/p>\n

For years, Liverpool mum Nicky Wake felt her bisexual identity was being quietly erased. Not because the 53-year-old, from Hunts Cross<\/a>, hid it, but because life placed her in a long-term heterosexual marriage that overlooked a fundamental part of who she was.<\/p>\n

Now, five years after the death of her husband, the mum-of-one said she is \u201cstepping into her truth\u201d with courage and pride as she aims to break down misconceptions and bring greater awareness to bisexuality.<\/a><\/p>\n

She told the ECHO<\/a>: \u201cPeople often assume your sexuality is defined by the gender of the person you marry. I loved my husband Andy deeply, but just because he was a man doesn\u2019t mean I stopped being bisexual. My sexuality didn\u2019t disappear when I put on a wedding ring.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nicky grew up in Runcorn<\/a>, and her understanding of her identity stretches right back to those teenage years. She explained how everything \u201cjust clicked\u201d for her, while she was reading Seventeen magazine that featured a \u201cbeautiful woman\u201d in an advert.<\/p>\n

\"NickyNicky with her late husband Andy<\/p>\n

Soon, Nicky fell in love with a woman and, for a time, identified as a lesbian. She said: \u201cI realised this was a part of me I couldn\u2019t ignore, but those years were liberating. Over one summer, I fell head over heels in love, but that relationship ended in heartbreak.<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter that, I moved back up North. I became a naked podium dancer at the Hacienda in Manchester, where sexuality was fluid and labels didn\u2019t matter. Later, I worked as promotions manager, organising events where girls would kiss and running gay raves. Sexuality was very fluid, I fell for the person and the spark between us, not the gender.\u201d<\/p>\n

However, everything shifted for Nicky when she met Andy. They two were married for 16 years, during which time Nicky said he brought her \u201cthe greatest joy\u201d. Despite this, the mum said her bisexuality was \u201cnever cancelled\u201d.<\/p>\n

\"TheThe Wake family with a young Finn(Image: Nicky Wake)<\/p>\n

She added: \u201cI wasn\u2019t looking for him, and yet there he was. My great love just happened to be a man. Andy was my rock, he centred me and never questioned my identity. We had a strong marriage built on trust, and he supported me without judgement.\u201d<\/p>\n

Andy\u2019s death in 2020 followed a series of serious health challenges<\/a>. In 2017, he suffered a major heart attack, and over the next three years battled complications that eventually took his life.<\/p>\n

His passing devastated Nicky and their son, Finn, and for a long time, she felt that moving on would be a betrayal. But six months later, when she took that step, it “felt healing”. Now, rebuilding her life in her 50s, Nicky is determined to be visible.<\/p>\n

She said: \u201cSleeping with a woman first after Andy died felt comforting. It helped me realise my identity hadn\u2019t gone away, it was still part of me. For some reason it also made me feel less guilty than if I\u2019d slept with a man first.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"MumMum Nicky and dad Andy with son Finn<\/p>\n

I\u2019m proudly bisexual, and I love dating both men and women. Society put me in a neat box of being a straight wife and a straight mum. But I never fitted that box. Sexuality is a spectrum, and bisexual people are real, valid and worthy of pride.<\/p>\n

“I want women in midlife to see me and think it\u2019s okay to be bisexual and married, widowed or in your 50s. There\u2019s no expiry date on living authentically. That lack of visibility can feed shame and isolation. I don\u2019t want my bisexuality to be invisible anymore, I want to be counted.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nicky is now speaking out ahead of Bisexual Awareness Week, which takes place from September 16 to 23. For Nicky, open conversation and positive role models are key – something she hopes to champion after telling her story.<\/p>\n

\"NickyNicky Wake alongside her son Finn<\/p>\n

Since losing her husband, Nicky has gone on to launch a series of apps to help others find love and intimacy after bereavement. Chapter2, a dating app for widows and widowers, supports people seeking love and companionship after loss.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile WidowsFire offers a safe space for those exploring without judgement. She has also created SoberLove.app for people looking to date while sober, and most recently has just agreed a close business relationship with Gaydar Girls, one of the UK\u2019s most notable platforms for queer women.<\/a><\/p>\n

She said: \u201cThis isn\u2019t about who I date next. It\u2019s about me saying without hesitation, that I am bisexual, I am proud, and I\u2019m not going to be invisible anymore. Bisexual Awareness Week is the perfect moment to celebrate that, and to remind others that being bisexual is valid at every stage of life.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Nicky Wade said “there\u2019s no expiry date on living authentically”Nicky Wade is determined to break down misconceptions(Image: Nicky…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":402633,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8815],"tags":[748,393,4884,25834,14721,179,456,16,15],"class_list":{"0":"post-402632","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-liverpool","8":"tag-britain","9":"tag-england","10":"tag-great-britain","11":"tag-hunts-cross","12":"tag-lgbtqia","13":"tag-liverpool","14":"tag-real-lives","15":"tag-uk","16":"tag-united-kingdom"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/115157364017879675","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/402632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=402632"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/402632\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/402633"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=402632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=402632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=402632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}