{"id":505364,"date":"2025-10-16T23:28:19","date_gmt":"2025-10-16T23:28:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/505364\/"},"modified":"2025-10-16T23:28:19","modified_gmt":"2025-10-16T23:28:19","slug":"oisin-murphy-i-found-escapism-but-also-an-awful-lot-of-trouble-in-the-bottle-horse-racing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/505364\/","title":{"rendered":"Oisin Murphy: \u2018I found escapism but also an awful lot of trouble in the bottle\u2019 | Horse racing"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u2018I didn\u2019t feel good,\u201d Oisin Murphy says with a grimace as he gestures towards the birthday cards still standing in his house more than a month since he turned 30. Murphy has already spoken for an hour, in raw and moving detail, about the guilt he will feel when he has to walk down a guard of honour to mark his fifth champion jockeys\u2019 title at Ascot on Saturday, his daily struggle with alcoholism<\/a>, his near catastrophic return to drinking this summer, the dangers of racing and the Sylvia Plath poem he loves most.<\/p>\n

But the milestone of his 30th birthday troubles him. \u201cIt was incredibly significant because I never thought I\u2019d get to 30,\u201d Murphy says, as he uses a smouldering cigarillo to light another in an unbroken chain stretching across this corner of Lambourn.<\/p>\n

They call it the Valley of the Racehorse and, on a Monday morning, mist hangs over the village \u2013 in the same way that Murphy is enveloped in a cloud of smoke. \u201cI never had any plans past 30,\u201d he says amid a fresh puff.<\/p>\n

Did he think he would die before then? \u201cIt wasn\u2019t quite that morbid but all the time you have targets: \u2018I want to win this race, I want to win this championship, I want my own house.\u2019 I never made any targets past 30.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s another thing getting to 30. Lots of people are in serious relationships and beginning to have children. Maybe I\u2019m selfish. I was in a very serious relationship with a beautiful girl and a lovely person, Elizabeth Nielsen. That ended at the beginning of this year, but we\u2019re still very good friends. We still speak almost every day. Most of my ex-girlfriends I\u2019ve remained friendly with, which is great. I never feel like the reason those relationships ceased was because of them. It was because of me.\u201d Is he close to finding new targets for himself? \u201cIt\u2019s very different now. Every day I have to work at being sober and it\u2019s going well. But I\u2019ve had good periods in the past \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

In late April he was driving at night when, with a passenger alongside him, he crashed into a tree<\/a>. Murphy was fortunate that no one was hurt because, hours after the accident, he was \u201cjust shy\u201d of having twice the legal limit for alcohol in his system. When the case went to court in July, he was fined \u00a370,000 and banned from driving for 20 months.<\/p>\n

Murphy at his home in Berkshire: \u2018Every day I have to work at being sober and it\u2019s going well. But I\u2019ve had good periods in the past.\u2019 Photograph: Jill Mead\/The Guardian<\/p>\n

These were the latest in a litany of punishments. Murphy\u2019s longest suspension occurred in December 2021 when he was banned for 14 months<\/a> by the British Horseracing Authority after he admitted various disciplinary offences, including misleading BHA officials, breaches of Covid-19 protocols and two failed breath tests.<\/p>\n

\u201cDuring those 14 months I didn\u2019t find it difficult to remain sober. I got some confidence thinking: \u2018This is easy.\u2019 What I failed to remember was I had no stress in my life. I wasn\u2019t putting pressure on myself to ride winners. But that\u2019s false confidence, because someone with a drink problem has to work at it every single day and that\u2019s where I failed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI tried numerous times to drink like a nice fellow, probably like you, a fellow that can have one, two and, on a crazy night, three glasses of wine or four pints of beer. Some days I was capable of doing it. But the days that I\u2019m not capable? Dangerous is the correct word. Even with all the effort I was putting in I had to surrender [this year], I\u2019m afraid.\u201d<\/p>\n

Did he feel before his accident in April that he was sliding back into darkness? \u201cNo, I thought I was doing very well. I thought I had some controlled drinking evenings but I lied to myself. I did the same thing I\u2019d done previous times and lost control. I didn\u2019t need to drink-drive that evening. It was just awful. But I\u2019m very lucky there weren\u2019t more severe consequences because people don\u2019t often get a second chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

Murphy lights up a cigarillo at home. Photograph: Jill Mead\/The Guardian<\/p>\n

Now, as he counts each new day of being sober, Murphy is mortified by his actions that night. His new book, Sacrifice, is an unsparing account of the all-consuming demands<\/a> jockeys face and he admits that drink can be a refuge from gruelling travel, the constant need to \u201cwaste\u201d and make weight and the perennial hazards of riding a racehorse at 40mph.<\/p>\n

Most of all, as he writes in his diary of last year\u2019s championship victory, Murphy is tormented by a voracious need to win. Yet even generational jockeys lose more than three-quarters of their races. \u201cIt takes its toll if you try and escape and hide from it, because that\u2019s when I was most susceptible to drinking to black out.\u201d<\/p>\n

He now reminds himself, as soon as he wakes, about the importance of not drinking today. \u201cIn 2024 I prayed to be sober every day, and then I forgot. I still prayed that my family are healthy every single morning and night but it shows that, when someone really wants to drink, being sober is no longer on the priority list.\u201d<\/p>\n

That quest is now paramount and Murphy attends weekly Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings in different cities, wherever he is racing, and he stresses: \u201cI\u2019ve never had a problem saying: \u2018I\u2019m an alcoholic.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cI listened to a man the other day. He was Irish and we were in London and he said: \u2018Life is still shit. It\u2019s not any better now that I\u2019m sober. Actually it can feel worse \u2013 because I can\u2019t run away from the shit parts. But one thing is clear to me. If I pick up a drink, it won\u2019t be any fucking better.\u2019 That stuck with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

His father and grandfather both lived for decades with alcoholism. Does he believe the disease has genetic roots? \u201cI don\u2019t know. Both of them never drank during my lifetime. My dad really was a wonderful father. He never told us not to drink but he used to tell us about the pitfalls on the way to mass. He never shoved it down our throats and my father\u2019s been 35 years sober.\u201d<\/p>\n

Can he speak to him about his drinking problems? \u201cI can. I tell him sometimes if I had a good [AA] meeting. About seven years ago he left this book on a table for me. It might have been the big [AA self-help] book. That was a hint.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oisin Murphy: \u2018There are a couple of hours where I feel I can walk on water. But it leaves and you don\u2019t know when it\u2019s going to return.\u2019 Photograph: Jill Mead\/The Guardian<\/p>\n

Murphy laughs quietly and then says: \u201cCounselling and therapy is great \u2013 if you\u2019re completely honest. But if you hide anything, it\u2019s a waste of time, not just for you but for the person trying to listen. That year I was off racing I thought therapy was the best thing in the world and my therapist was a female god. But I decided I could try and drink like a gentleman again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Does he still see the same therapist? \u201cI stopped seeing her in February and now I have a few. One man is Irish, and he\u2019s dealt with Irish jockeys in the past. At Sporting Chance, I speak to a former alcoholic and heroin addict who has been clean and sober for 20-odd years. Those two fellows are very good. And there\u2019s another female doctor who is also excellent. Do you know what I love about them? It\u2019s often not scheduled. They\u2019ll just ring up or WhatsApp message me for a chat. The problem with scheduled therapy is that you can almost plan what you want to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shakes his head. \u201cEveryone\u2019s looking for a reason for Oisin Murphy\u2019s drinking. Something terrible must have happened as a child. But it didn\u2019t. I had a wonderful childhood. And hence I didn\u2019t have a drink problem at 20. But the bottom line is I found escapism but also an awful lot of trouble in the bottle.\u201d<\/p>\n

Murphy still has highs in the saddle: \u201cThe odd day where I feel like I did in Doncaster when I had that four-timer or round Salisbury a few weeks ago where I had another four-timer. There are a couple of hours where I feel I can do anything, that I can trust my instinct and walk on water. But it leaves and you don\u2019t know when it\u2019s going to return.\u201d<\/p>\n

In his book Murphy insists he was so drained by winning the 2024 jockey title<\/a> that he would never chase the championship again. Yet here we are, a year on, and Murphy will be crowned once more as the leading jockey. \u201cI doubt myself a lot,\u201d he says and he will try to avoid eye contact with the other jockeys as they form two lines to applaud his achievement. Murphy feels almost guilty.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe it\u2019s the realisation that a lot of the guys are as good, and talented, as me. They just don\u2019t have the number or the quality of horses to ride. Maybe they aren\u2019t as lucky in being able to communicate as well, but I don\u2019t think there\u2019s much separating us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jockeys risk serious injury, paralysis, even death and, as Murphy points out, most of his colleagues in the weighing room are doing \u201cthe exact same hours\u201d as him, hacking up and down the motorways, riding seven days a week without the plaudits or the money he earns.<\/p>\n

Murphy after winning the Nunthorpe Stakes on Asfoora at York in August. Photograph: Richard Sellers\/PA<\/p>\n

Murphy loves riding great horses and he is obsessed with winning, but his hinterland extends beyond racing. He talks about the crisis in Afghanistan and devastation in Gaza. \u201cAs I\u2019ve got older, I\u2019ve realised I don\u2019t want to get too wrapped up in horse racing. I need to educate myself on other matters because I don\u2019t want to be one of those fellows that\u2019s still riding and he isn\u2019t very good any more \u2013 and there\u2019s nothing else to discuss.\u201d<\/p>\n

He is \u201creally interested in insurance\u201d and the poetry of Plath. Murphy recently bought a new anthology of the American\u2019s poems. \u201cYou have to go quite deep to understand what she\u2019s saying. She lived in a time where there was also a stigma around having a mental health problem. But there\u2019s much of her work I never get depressed by even though I comprehend how she\u2019s leaving [the world].\u201d<\/p>\n

He answers decisively when I ask\u00a0him for his favourite Plath poem: \u201cPoppies in July<\/a>. You feel the want and lust for escape.\u201d It\u2019s a short and painful poem. Yet Murphy stresses that, unlike Plath, he doesn\u2019t experience depression. \u201cBeing busy helps because I have to go out early every morning, I\u2019ve got things to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

His searing focus is exhausting, but more manageable now. \u201cI remember the 2019 championship season<\/a>, when I was so tired and the pressure went up. But I was lacking sleep because I\u2019d been drinking heavily. Now, on the whole, I\u2019ve been sleeping well. I don\u2019t feel exhausted. My lifestyle has never been better managed. It\u2019s still hectic but it\u2019s not chaotic.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he gently waves away the pall\u00a0of smoke around him, Murphy nods with the hard-won knowledge that now frames his life as a champion jockey and an intelligent\u00a0yet vulnerable man. \u201cIt will remain absent of chaos provided I stay sober.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the UK, Action on Addiction<\/a> is available on 0300 330 0659. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u2018I didn\u2019t feel good,\u201d Oisin Murphy says with a grimace as he gestures towards the birthday cards still…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":505365,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4107],"tags":[1071,79,16,15],"class_list":{"0":"post-505364","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-racing","8":"tag-racing","9":"tag-sports","10":"tag-uk","11":"tag-united-kingdom"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/115386443963256542","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/505364","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=505364"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/505364\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/505365"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=505364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=505364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=505364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}