\n\t\t\t\t\tIn this new series, The i Paper speaks to different people about how they and their partners, or, in some cases, ex-partners, handle money in their relationship\u00a0\t\t\t\t\t <\/p>\n
In this new series, The i Paper speaks to different people from various walks of life about how they and their partners, or, in some cases, ex-partners, handle money within their relationship. How they split it, how they spend it, and how they (often) differ. Here\u2019s Lizzy*, who split bills 70:30 with her ex but now wishes she hadn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
I had felt completely neutral about mine and my ex\u2019s finances until I was talking to a friend a few months ago. And I realised; maybe I was being screwed over. <\/p>\n
I got together with my ex just before I went to university 10 years ago. He was working in hospitality and his wage and my student loan<\/a> were kind of similar in amount, so everything was fairly evenly split. When it came to drinks or nights out, it\u2019d be like \u201cI pay for one, then you pay for one\u201d. We tried to keep it pretty even.<\/p>\n We moved in together four years after we met. I was doing a masters and had a part-time job and he was working in the NHS as a nurse, and again, were earning similarly, so we split everything 50:50. At the end of each month we would work out our monthly rent, bills and grocery spend and make sure we contributed equally.<\/p>\n About six months in, we made it easier by using a joint Monzo account<\/a>, paying into a shared pot each month. If we needed a top up we\u2019d put in the same amount. A lot of other couples I knew didn\u2019t have joint finances and I always thought the way we did things was progressive and fair. I thought we had it locked down, to be honest.\u00a0<\/p>\n Then, when I graduated and started a full-time job, I began outpacing him in terms of wage. In my first job I was at about \u00a330,000 and he was at \u00a323,000 so we decided to change our approach and split everything proportionately to what we earned: it was about 60:40. Then in 2022, when I got up to \u00a350,000, and he was still earning in the mid-20s, the ratio got to 70:30.\u00a0<\/p>\n At the time I thought it was fine, because relatively our expenses were cheap. We\u2019d moved into a one-bed flat that a relative of his owned and the rent [\u00a3900] just covered the mortgage. I put in \u00a3550 and he\u2019d put in \u00a3350 to cover it. They could have put it up at market value and got \u00a3600 more a month from another tenant, so I figured we had a good deal. On top of that I\u2019d put in \u00a3700-\u00a3800 on bills and shared expenses. Overall it was about \u00a31,600 a month.<\/p>\n I felt, at the time, that the way me and my ex split things was fair \u2013 I had more money, so I could spend more and, I figured, if I were single I\u2019d be paying more than that to live alone anyway.<\/p>\n Then we got engaged in 2019. We decided together to take that step. I found a ring, he ordered it and then I paid for half of it. It was a joint decision.<\/p>\n Then, shortly after, Covid hit and we simply couldn\u2019t afford to sink \u00a320,000 into a wedding (this is the average cost in the UK). As time passed, we decided to put the savings we did have towards a house deposit<\/a> instead.<\/p>\n His earnings were never part of the motivation to get married, it was never about being wedded to his income and I\u2019d like to think that for me, marriage would never be about that.<\/p>\n But as we were saving for the house, I started to realise we were not on the same page, financially. At all. <\/p>\n My income definitely made his life easier<\/p>\n