{"id":74701,"date":"2025-05-04T20:22:08","date_gmt":"2025-05-04T20:22:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/74701\/"},"modified":"2025-05-04T20:22:08","modified_gmt":"2025-05-04T20:22:08","slug":"should-i-withhold-my-sons-inheritance-until-hes-more-responsible-with-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/74701\/","title":{"rendered":"Should I withhold my son\u2019s inheritance until he\u2019s more responsible with money?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n\t\t\t\t\tA reader\u2019s dad left money to both grandchildren, but he\u2019s hesitant to give his son his share due to his poor money management\t\t\t\t\t <\/p>\n

In our weekly series, readers can email in with any financial dilemma and enter the Money Moral Maze<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Are your friends racking up big drinks tabs and then trying to split the bill equally? Is your partner overspending on your joint account? No matter your dilemma, email in anonymously, and The i Paper\u2019s money and business team will do our best to answer.<\/p>\n

This week\u2019s dilemma can be found below \u2013 email us at money@inews.co.uk<\/a> with yours.<\/p>\n

Dilemma<\/p>\n

Earlier this year my dad passed away, and while he didn\u2019t have much, the sale of his house brought in a modest sum. <\/p>\n

In his will, he left 10 per cent of the proceeds to each of his grandchildren \u2013 my daughter, who is 25, and my son, who is 21. The rest came to me and my sister.<\/p>\n

My daughter is sensible, focused, and has been diligently saving for a deposit. <\/p>\n

She\u2019s thrilled with the inheritance<\/a> \u2013 she\u2019s putting the full amount towards a flat she hopes to buy within the year. It\u2019s exactly what my dad would have wanted.<\/p>\n

My son, on the other hand, is a different story. He\u2019s bright, but still living in the moment. He doesn\u2019t save. He\u2019s bounced between jobs and dropped out of a uni course. He says he wants to travel, but hasn\u2019t made concrete plans.<\/p>\n

If I handed him this money<\/a> now \u2013 it\u2019s about \u00a315,000 \u2013 I suspect it would vanish within months. <\/p>\n

I\u2019m not judging him harshly \u2013 I remember what I was like at 21 \u2013 but it\u2019s a large sum, and I don\u2019t want it wasted.<\/p>\n

My instinct is to quietly hold onto it. Maybe put it in a cash ISA and keep it until he\u2019s ready to settle down, for a wedding, a mortgage<\/a>, something tangible. But would that be dishonest? The money is his, after all.<\/p>\n

My dad didn\u2019t leave any stipulations, just a straight 10 per cent to each grandchild. <\/p>\n

Am I honouring his wishes more by safeguarding it\u2026 or by handing it over in good faith?<\/p>\n

Emily Braeger, The i Paper\u2018s money reporter, replies<\/p>\n

This is a tricky situation, and I can see why you\u2019re torn.<\/p>\n

On one hand, you want to protect your son from making mistakes he may regret, and on the other, you want to respect your dad\u2019s wishes. <\/p>\n

While it\u2019s understandable that you\u2019d want to delay giving him the inheritance, I think it\u2019s important to take a step back and consider the broader picture.<\/p>\n

The gift your dad left was meant for both of his grandchildren. It\u2019s a gesture of love and recognition, and morally speaking, it\u2019s important to honour that intention.<\/p>\n

Withholding the money, even with the best of intentions, risks undermining that trust between you and your son. <\/p>\n

If he were to find out later, he might feel betrayed, and it could harm your relationship in ways that are hard to repair.<\/p>\n

While it\u2019s true your son may not be the best with money right now, this could actually be a valuable opportunity for growth.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, people learn their best lessons when they face the consequences of their own decisions. <\/p>\n

By allowing him to manage the money, even if he spends it quickly, you\u2019re giving him a chance to develop skills that he may not otherwise have had to confront at this stage in his life.<\/p>\n

Yes, it\u2019s hard to watch him struggle, but those struggles might help him mature faster than any amount of saving or budgeting advice you could offer.<\/p>\n

One way to balance your concern and the need to give him the freedom to manage it is to approach it with a conversation. Be upfront about the money, but also offer guidance.<\/p>\n

Encourage him to think about what he could do with it, and perhaps suggest options like saving it for a future goal \u2013 but at the end of the day, it\u2019s his to decide.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t just about financial responsibility, it\u2019s about trust and the opportunity to let him take ownership of his life choices.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, people want to protect their children so much that they forget they need the space to learn.<\/p>\n

The best thing you can do is give him that space, while also offering support when needed.<\/p>\n

After all, your dad trusted both his grandchildren to handle his gift \u2013 and perhaps this is your opportunity to show your son that you trust him, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A reader\u2019s dad left money to both grandchildren, but he\u2019s hesitant to give his son his share due…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":74702,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3093],"tags":[51,474,3303,36932,2499,16,15],"class_list":{"0":"post-74701","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-business","9":"tag-finance","10":"tag-inheritance","11":"tag-money-moral-maze","12":"tag-personal-finance","13":"tag-uk","14":"tag-united-kingdom"},"share_on_mastodon":{"url":"https:\/\/pubeurope.com\/@uk\/114451430993351128","error":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74701","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=74701"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74701\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/74702"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=74701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=74701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=74701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}