A marriage can fall apart long before it officially ends.<\/p>\n
That was the reality John, writing <\/a>to “The Ramsey Show” from California, described after 30 years of marriage marked by gambling, secrecy and growing emotional strain. “Shame on you for not dealing with it,” personal finance expert Dave Ramsey<\/strong><\/a> said.<\/p>\n John wrote that the gambling started early in the marriage and was “getting progressively worse.”<\/p>\n Don’t Miss:<\/strong><\/p>\n His wife kept promising to quit but continued to spend thousands each month on her “hobby.” Although she held a job, she did not use her income toward family expenses. Over time, he wrote, that spending steadily reduced their savings and investments.<\/p>\n “A gambling problem is an addiction, not a hobby,” co-host John Delony<\/strong><\/a> said.<\/p>\n John also wrote that a DNA test later showed a daughter he believed was his was not biologically related to him, leaving him feeling the marriage was “a long-term sham.”<\/p>\n Delony said if so, John allowed it to continue over the years.<\/p>\n With both approaching 60, John wrote he saw two paths: divorce<\/a>, with a possible split of their net worth and long-term alimony, or staying and continuing to absorb the financial losses and “mental mess.” He wrote it might be “cheaper to keep her.”<\/p>\n “You act like you\u2019re somehow stuck, you\u2019re not stuck,” Ramsey said.<\/p>\n See Also: Think you’re saving enough for your kids? You might be dangerously off \u2014 see why<\/strong><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n The hosts pointed to clear, enforceable boundaries as the next step, with Ramsey saying those could include ending the gambling, combining finances so “your money becomes our money,” and drawing a line at anything that looked like infidelity.<\/p>\n He said those were non-negotiable conditions for continuing the marriage and that he was not recommending divorce.<\/p>\n “Both paths are going to be hard,” Delony said. “Choose which kind of hard you want.”<\/p>\n He said boundaries come down to setting clear limits, after which the other person decides whether to respect them. Delony said John should seek help from a marriage<\/a> counselor or attorney to address the financial and personal impact.<\/p>\n “It is way past time to stand up, dude,” Ramsey said.<\/p>\n