Some years ago, at a previous newspaper, the editor put me on the spot. \u201cSo, which columnists do you like?\u201d she said. There was a long silence. Too long. \u201cWhat, you don\u2019t like any columnists?\u201d she exclaimed, affronted. Not a good look: arrogant, and disloyal. But it wasn\u2019t intended. I was trying to be polite. I didn\u2019t want to rush off a list and leave out a good one. I like lots of columnists; but, right now, some in particular are my favourites.<\/p>\n
They\u2019re the ones who campaigned for Brexit and now complain bitterly about being stuck at the back of long, slow-moving queues at European destinations. I delight in those polemics, particularly if the writer doubles as a politician. Ideally, for Westminster\u2019s opportunists, I would additionally wish for luggage to be mislaid, the lost baggage counter to be closed or staffed by the bone idle or disaffected, and the hotel shuttle bus to reverse over their foot.<\/p>\n
Because, invariably, we are indignantly told whose fault these delays are. Not theirs. Not the Brexiteers. Perish the thought we take responsibility for our actions. No, it\u2019s always the incompetence of those dastardly Europeans, the French or the Spanish, for not walking behind us with a dustpan and brush clearing up our mess. They haven\u2019t laid on the staff, they haven\u2019t switched on the scanners, they did it to punish us, they did it out of spite, out of jealousy, out of bitterness at our bold decision to make ourselves poorer and less relevant. Sir Keir Starmer has flown to the peace talks, apparently. To do what, hold coats? Who cares what he thinks?<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll be hearing and reading a lot more about this stuff now the fingerprinting and biometrics<\/a> have kicked in, but there\u2019s a reason European border control is light on staff or reluctant to spend billions on technology for our benefit. They\u2019re all in the Schengen zone. When I flew from Lisbon to Paris this week, nobody even looked at my passport on arrival. I was already in via Portugal.<\/p>\n But we\u2019re out. And now we need people and machinery to process us. So that\u2019s not their problem. They\u2019re happy as they are. Enjoy the choices you made, some of you. And get to the back of the queue.<\/p>\n Appy outcome<\/p>\n Anyway, a word of thanks to a Times reader, Jon Hossain. Last week, when I wrote about the pending trip to Portugal and concerns about delays with the new digital entry-exit system<\/a>, Jon recommended the Travel to Europe app, which allows registration in advance. I filled in my details in minutes and received a lovely QR code to present to immigration staff and speed up the process.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the good news. The bad was that nobody seemed to know what it was. Instead, I was directed to an entry machine that read my passport and let me through, where a guy on the other side stamped it. Took two minutes. I\u2019ve had more hassle at Heathrow. Some travellers reported delays of up to three hours the previous day, but that was over Easter so maybe bank holidays are chaos wherever you are.<\/p>\n So thanks to the Portuguese for my smooth passage. They made our system work. And if I breezed through but all these Brexit-touting essayists are having a miserable time in immigration, maybe there is a God. And Brexit might claim the spirit of the late Mrs Thatcher, but clearly He voted Remain.<\/p>\n Jarring decision<\/p>\n