You might think Manchester United had to sell Rasmus Hojlund because of the whole Not Being Good Enough thing, but apparently not\u2026<\/p>\n
Samuel Luckhurst and Luke Edwards are engaged in an infernal battle to be crowned just the bestest football journalist around.<\/p>\n
But first, a whole load of guesswork about Declan Rice\u2019s upcoming Champions League ban.<\/p>\n
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Rice is cooked<\/strong><\/p>\n In quite literally the closing line of the 13th and final paragraph of a story on Arsenal contemplating lodging some pitch-based complaints to UEFA, John Cross of the Daily Mirror<\/strong> writes:<\/p>\n \u2018Gunners midfielder Declan Rice claimed on TV that the referee might have been influenced by the home crowd and, while that could imply bias under Premier League rules, it would be most unusual for UEFA to step in.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n It would be \u2018most unusual indeed\u2019. Yet of course the Mirror website<\/strong> reports \u2018Arsenal star Declan Rice facing Champions League punishment as UEFA launch probe\u2019.<\/p>\n \u2018UEFA launch probe\u2019 is immediately downgraded to \u2018UEFA are set to investigate\u2019 in the opening paragraph. And even that is a stretch: they\u2019ll review the referee\u2019s match report before deciding whether Rice saying referee Danny Makkelie was \u201cprovoked\u201d into changing his mind by the home fans is worthy of any action being taken.<\/p>\n There is no \u2018probe\u2019 or \u2018investigation\u2019 yet, and indeed there might not be at all.<\/p>\n It is said that UEFA \u2018could hit him with a ban\u2019, but even that is reduced to \u2018but a ban has not been ruled out\u2019 later in the same article.<\/p>\n Quite who is in a position to not rule out a ban is unknown. \u2018It would be most unusual for UEFA to step in,\u2019 but downright bizarre if someone broke ranks to say Rice won\u2019t be banned before it\u2019s even decided whether he\u2019ll face any sanction whatsoever.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Hit the Dec<\/strong><\/p>\n Of course, where one leads, others must follow:<\/p>\n \u2018Declan Rice risks Uefa rap after referee rant following Arsenal\u2019s controversial Champions League draw at Atletico\u2019 \u2013 The Sun<\/strong>.<\/p>\n \u2018Declan Rice faces Champions League punishment as UEFA investigate Arsenal star\u2019 \u2013 Daily Express website<\/strong>.<\/p>\n \u2018Explained: Will UEFA ban Declan Rice for comments after Atletico draw?\u2019 \u2013 Sky Sports<\/strong>.<\/p>\n The guesswork and complete lack of clarity in each story is summed up succinctly by this line from a football.london<\/strong> explainer about how Rice and Arsenal are \u2018sweating over potential ban as UEFA verdict on referee blast to come\u2019:<\/p>\n \u2018John Cross writes for the Mirror, football.london\u2019s sister title, that Rice would could have been sanctioned by the Premier League if his comments were made after a domestic top flight game.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Cheers for clearing that up for everyone.<\/p>\n And by the way, this Rice \u2018rant\u2019\/\u2019blast\u2019 has to be seen to be believed:<\/p>\n Sod a UEFA ban; the man deserves a prison sentence.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Hello Digne, you\u2019re a stupid head<\/strong><\/p>\n Nottingham Forest beat Aston Villa on Thursday evening<\/strong><\/a> in a game with precious few talking points beyond a lovely Emi Martinez save and some more hilarious defending from Lucas Digne.<\/p>\n But the ubiquity of VAR dictates that every match report from now until the end of time must hint at some massive controversy, and Martin Lipton of The Sun<\/strong> does not disappoint:<\/p>\n \u2018ANOTHER Uefa semi-final, another contentious spot-kick decision, another VAR call that stunned one team and delighted the other.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Lipton goes on to write that the fact Lucas Digne handled Omari Hutchinson\u2019s cross \u2018was not in doubt \u2013 the Frenchman had two arms raised above his head as he batted it away\u2019.<\/p>\n \u2018Hutchinson, though,\u2019 he continues, \u2018appeared to have got there a fraction too late, with the flag raised for a goal kick, before the Portuguese VAR eventually informed fellow countryman Joao Pinheiro that it had not completely gone over the dead-ball line.\u2019<\/p>\n So the only point of contention in an otherwise straightforward decision was clarified quickly and easily? That it \u2018would never have been awarded back in the days when Brian Clough was in charge around here\u2019 is, if anything, testament to VAR rather than a lament for the good old days; it was a clear penalty.<\/p>\n There was no sense of Villa injustice whatsoever. Emery completely brushed past it in his post-match interview. The only thing they might be \u2018stunned\u2019 by is Digne\u2019s continued difficulty in grasping the concept of handball<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Weird and wonderful<\/strong><\/p>\n \u2018VAR intervenes in Nottingham Forest v Aston Villa to award penalty after bizarre incident\u2019 \u2013 Daily Mirror website<\/strong>.<\/p>\n The \u2018bizarre incident\u2019 being that the ball was initially ruled to have gone out of play, only for a check to deduce it hadn\u2019t.<\/p>\n How outlandish.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n As Luck would have it<\/strong><\/p>\n The self-importance of The Sun<\/strong>\u2018s Samuel Luckhurst officially knows precisely no bounds.<\/p>\n In a comprehensive column detailing the players Manchester United must offload this summer, Luckhurst writes of Rasmus Hojlund that he \u2018bombed as a Premier League No. 9\u2019, was guilty of \u2018undermining\u2019 Ruben Amorim and his \u2018tone-deaf and crass social media posts that played up to lad culture were unbecoming\u2019.<\/p>\n Then comes the killer insider line:<\/p>\n \u2018During an evening stroll around Chicago, Hojlund caught up with team-mates Harry Maguire, Bruno Fernandes and Luke Shaw to alert them to this correspondent coincidentally walking behind them.<\/p>\n \u2018Fernandes and Shaw did not break stride. Maguire said hello. That is another reason why they\u2019re still at United and Hojlund isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n \u2018He had to get the boot.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Yeah, sod the 26 goals in 95 games and general difficulty in acclimatising to a new team, league, manager and level of expectation. Hojlund simply \u2018had to get the boot\u2019 because he disrespected Samuel sodding Luckhurst.<\/p>\n Get in there and make it all about you, fella. At least he didn\u2019t make up a quote this time<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Howe about that?<\/strong><\/p>\n Behold, the latest Eddie Howe update from Luke Edwards of the Daily Telegraph<\/strong>:<\/p>\n \u2018From speaking to people this morning there is a strong push back on any sense these were crunch talks and the manager had to convince people he remains the right man for the job.<\/p>\n \u2018But managers are always judged on results and Howe needs to win some games or a decision will need to be made in the summer.<\/p>\n \u2018At the moment the view is there isn\u2019t a decision to be made. Howe is the manager and will be next season.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n So Howe needs to win some games or a decision will need to be made in the summer, but currently a decision doesn\u2019t need to be made despite Newcastle having not won and indeed very specifically lost their last five matches.<\/p>\n Long may Edwards make Newcastle stories simple for simpletons<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n
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