{"id":948184,"date":"2026-05-09T11:24:16","date_gmt":"2026-05-09T11:24:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/948184\/"},"modified":"2026-05-09T11:24:16","modified_gmt":"2026-05-09T11:24:16","slug":"ive-been-a-therapist-for-15-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/948184\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019ve been a therapist for 15 years"},"content":{"rendered":"

One in four adults will experience a mental health<\/a> problem of some kind each year in England, and therapy<\/a> is often suggested as a \u201csolution\u201d \u2013 but it is not realistic for everyone.<\/p>\n

While the NHS offers counselling, waiting lists can be long, and private therapy remains financially out of reach for many. Other factors that hold people back include time constraints, stigma and feeling uncomfortable in the traditional therapy setting.<\/p>\n

This is why psychotherapist Owen O\u2019Kane<\/a> is passionate about providing people with the tools they need to help themselves. \u201cI want to empower people to know how to cope with all that life throws at them,\u201d he explains. Even with his own clients, his goal is for them to move on, because \u201ca therapist\u2019s job is never to keep people in therapy\u201d.<\/p>\n

O\u2019Kane is keen to highlight that every situation is unique, so while he is passing on his wisdom to the best of his ability, it needs nuance. \u201cTelling people exactly what to do is unhelpful,\u201d he emphasises. He points out that if there were a simple step-by-step formula to f<\/a>eeling better<\/a>, nobody would struggle. \u201cIt\u2019s damaging to think that there\u2019s an instantaneous solution to fix people, or even that people need fixing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Make time to just breathe<\/p>\n

However, there are things you can do, starting with scheduling time for yourself. <\/p>\n

\u201cGood therapy is about clearing away some of the clutter in the brain, because when there is a lot of noise, we can\u2019t see the wood for the trees. Many people are either fixated on what is going to happen next or stuck on what happened in the past, so we want to teach people to come into the here and now. To do this, you need to unapologetically create gaps in your day where there is space to breathe. Without that, we\u2019re just in a non-stop cycle,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

There will always be a reason not to take a moment \u2013 an email to reply to, a call to make \u2013 but a supervisor taught him early in his career to make it a priority.<\/a> \u201cThe conversation can get overcomplicated, but it\u2019s just a case of needing time to stop and reset each day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once you have the time, there is a \u201cmenu to explore\u201d. \u201cHave that exploitative curiosity for things that help regulate the nervous system, and slow things down so you can function. It could be meditation, yoga, breathwork, taking an ice bath, running, climbing mountains, cooking, painting or gardening. It could be that repeating a phrase such as \u2018I am calm, I am safe\u2019 is what you need to take your mind away from distractions,\u201d he offers. \u201cPeople know immediately if something is helping.\u201d <\/p>\n

O\u2019Kane himself heads off on an hour-long walk every day, but even he didn\u2019t always use it wisely. When younger, he would spend the time \u201coveranalysing and overthinking\u201d, but now he \u201cdecompresses and slows down<\/a>\u201d. That doesn\u2019t mean trying to eliminate feelings, but rather working with them more productively.<\/p>\n

Deal with all your feelings <\/p>\n

\u201cWhen people repress and push down feelings, they aggravate them and create resistance. The body automatically constricts, then you\u2019re in a state of stress, and that sends a message to the brain that there\u2019s a problem, and it ramps up this whole anxiety state.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to realise that feelings like anxiousness, vulnerability, insecurity or loneliness are often there for protection, not to cause hurt or damage. Get to know them, understand what they are communicating, and work alongside them. You\u2019d be gobsmacked how quickly the emotion eases off when you don\u2019t put all the energy into fighting it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He advises thinking of your emotions like dinner party guests. \u201cYou want to welcome every part of you to have a seat at the table with equal value, because there\u2019s no good or bad, right or wrong; they are all part of your humanity.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is a skill O\u2019Kane puts into practice whenever he has a public speaking event. \u201cThere will be knots in my stomach, my heart will beat faster, and my brain will be saying: \u2018What if you forget what you\u2019re saying? What if they don\u2019t<\/a> like it<\/a>?\u2019 The thoughts are trying to protect me, because if they scare me enough, I won\u2019t do the event, and won\u2019t have a chance to make a fool of myself. Because I understand their function, I can negotiate and say: \u2018I know you mean well, and I appreciate you showing up, but we\u2019re going to do it anyway.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

There is no quick solution in therapy, no epiphany that will make you well for ever; it is instead about continually doing the work and making an effort to treat yourself with kindness through every chapter. O\u2019Kane suggests nurturing your relationship with yourself in the same way you would with someone you love. \u201cIn a healthy, functional relationship, there will be a conscious awareness of how you treat them. What could I do that would be nice? How can I give a bit more support? When will I make time for them? Will I cook them something nice for dinner? Transfer that to yourself!\u201d<\/p>\n

Be careful with AI <\/p>\n

While on this journey to therapise yourself, there may be a consideration to use AI<\/a>. It is an increasingly popular choice, with 41 per cent of UK adults happy to use it for counselling, according to a recent study by Bournemouth University.<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cAI will take the information provided as a given, and it won\u2019t actually look at the broader context of what\u2019s going on or why,\u201d O\u2019Kane warns. It can be potentially detrimental for people who get stuck in a reassurance loop, he says \u2013 a cycle where anxiety triggers a need for certainty, leading to repeated requests for comfort. \u201cI had a client who asked ChatGPT a question in many different ways until he got the response he wanted. There\u2019s an argument that these tools will reinforce unhelpful behaviours.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sometimes, it\u2019s just about going back to \u201csimple, everyday stuff\u201d, rather than using modern technology.<\/p>\n

Perspective is key<\/p>\n

\u201cResearch is telling us at the moment that anxiety is an inflammatory condition<\/a>, so if you\u2019re shoving food in all day that\u2019s high in fat or sugar, or are not hydrated enough, they\u2019re going to inflame the body. An inflamed body is an inflamed mind.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s also thinking about whether we are surrounded by radiators (people who lift us), or drains, who take all of our energy. If it\u2019s always the latter, you\u2019re going to be depleted and exhausted. If you realise you\u2019re the drain in analysing your social group, it can inspire you to present yourself better. It\u2019s an opportunity, rather than a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

And if you only remember one thing from O\u2019Kane, it should be that perspective is key. \u201cAbout 1.3 million Earths fit inside the Sun, and we\u2019re all microscopic dots on it. When we place more significance than is needed on \u2018problems\u2019 and catastrophise, it is really useful to step back and think about that. I even set a picture of the Earth as my phone lock screen; it immediately grounds you in reality.\u201d<\/p>\n

Learn practical tools to handle anxiety and build lasting control with Owen O\u2019Kane\u2019s \u2018A Life Less Anxious\u2019 course on BBC Maestro<\/a><\/p>\n

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