{"id":950277,"date":"2026-05-10T10:59:20","date_gmt":"2026-05-10T10:59:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/950277\/"},"modified":"2026-05-10T10:59:20","modified_gmt":"2026-05-10T10:59:20","slug":"is-dr-beckys-app-worth-it-i-tested-it-i-was-surprised-by-the-answer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.europesays.com\/uk\/950277\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Dr. Becky\u2019s app worth it? I tested it. I was surprised by the answer."},"content":{"rendered":"

Sign up for the Slatest<\/a> to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve long been averse to the world of parenting advice. No Mommy blogs, no MomTok, no Momstagram for me. Though I have a 6-year-old, I mostly avoid parenting guides of all kinds. It\u2019s like reading a book about how to write a novel: maybe useful here and there, but ultimately a poor substitute for the work of confronting a blank page and making hard decisions in real time. Isn\u2019t trusting your intuition the goal anyway?<\/p>\n

Now, though, I\u2019m pregnant with my second\u2014a second boy, no less\u2014and people have thoughts. Thoughts about my nascent double-boy mom status (\u201cchaos\u201d), thoughts about the age gap (\u201cideal!\u201d \u201c\u2026\u00a0oh\u201d) and the workload, given my live-in rising-first-grade helper. \u201cIt\u2019s definitely more than double the work,\u201d one friend tells me. \u201cThe second one is truly easier,\u201d another emails, \u201cand also likely a demon child if your first is super well behaved.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mostly, I appreciate this input. I\u2019d like to believe I\u2019ll be able to negotiate sleep training and Monster Jam trucks clobbering each other over obstacle courses (Team Toro Loco). But I worry: about whether I\u2019ve gravely underestimated the emotional toll of caring for two kids. About whether I have the capacity to be present for both of them, whether I\u2019ll be able to find enough stillness and calm to appreciate what I\u2019ve thus far imagined will only be an exponential increase in love. About balancing my desire to keep being a good mom, and becoming a better mom, with my equal desire to keep being a writer, and growing as that writer.<\/p>\n

In the second trimester\u2019s relative calm, I decided I wanted a new project\u2014one that would force me to slow down and reflect on how I\u2019ve been parenting. What might I learn if I were to write directly about being a mother? What could I capture about my son\u2019s last months as an only child? The part of me that\u2019s a sucker for goal-setting and self-transformation also wondered: What if, rather than reject the parenting canon, I were to embrace it? Would my mothering improve before the baby was born?<\/p>\n

There is no bigger player in modern parenting advice than Becky Kennedy, or, as Time magazine calls her, \u201cthe millennial parent whisperer.\u201d Dr.\u00a0Becky is a mother of three and a clinical psychologist. She also heads a massive parenting empire under her Good Inside brand, which encompasses a podcast (the No.\u00a01 parenting podcast, on the Apple charts), a popular Instagram page (3.4\u00a0million followers), a TikTok account (334.8\u00a0million followers), a newsletter, an app, and affiliated merch, including picture books. If you\u2019ve heard terms like deeply feeling kid or sturdy parenting\u2014Dr.\u00a0Becky emphatically rejects the label gentle parenting<\/a> as applicable to her work\u2014or overheard a beleaguered mother try to coax her child into deciding to leave the playground without resorting to If you don\u2019t get off that jungle gym right now, the Legos are mine for a week, you\u2019ve been privy to her influence. As of May\u00a019, an app called Good Inside Baby<\/a> will join the flock, meaning you can use (and pay for) Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2019s advice before your child has even left your uterus; a promotional image shows a pregnancy test and addresses the viewer\u2019s \u201cjoy, panic.\u201d<\/p>\n

In February, ahead of my new baby\u2019s arrival, I decided to conduct an experiment. I\u2019d Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2013pill myself for three weeks, roughly the minimum time it takes to form a habit<\/a>. I\u2019d limit my Becky-verse contact to the Good Inside app (kid edition), to absorb the purest form of Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2019s ethos\u2014and to avoid, let\u2019s face it, getting sucked into engaging with Dr.\u00a0Becky in every medium known to humankind. I\u2019d log my use in a diary on my phone\u2019s Notes app.<\/p>\n

I wondered how doing so would change me and my kindergartner. Would I emerge kinder, more resilient\u2014or plagued with unexpected self-consciousness about one of the few areas of my life for which I haven\u2019t felt self-conscious? Better equipped to mother Boy No.\u00a02 or stricken with learned helplessness from being coddled by an expert on my phone day in and day out? Or would I leave even more cynical about the parenting industry\u2014which is, in this instance, charging me $84 for a three-month app subscription? Thus, I entered the Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2013verse.<\/p>\n

Day 0<\/p>\n

I download the Good Inside app on pub day for Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2019s new picture book Leave Me Alone!: A Good Inside Story About Deeply Feeling Kids. An omen among omens: Mid-dog-walk that day, I spot a onesie that reads \u201cMilk Drunk\u201d and shudder at the impulse to recruit our newborns into low-key bacchanalia. In the pie shop, two moms sport matching baby wraps, infants pressed to their chests.<\/p>\n

Unpeeling a banana, I open Good Inside (or Gi, as it brands itself, like a missing element from the periodic table), which directs me to the chatbot: \u201cMeet GiGi.\u201d \u201cEw,\u201d I blurt. My dog stares. The clever acronym (GiGi, get it?), I learn, is \u201ctrained by Dr.\u00a0Becky\u201d and will answer your parenting questions in Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2019s \u201cvoice\u201d any time of day or night. That she presumes such ineptitude and desperation among her legions of users does not bode well.<\/p>\n

My Gi profile requires I answer questions about my kid. I dub him Salmon\u2014my son\u2019s favorite maki\u2014and create a fake birthday.<\/p>\n

In three minutes, I complete the first deck, \u201cWhy Your Kid Tunes You Out.\u201d Swiping through a dozen or so brightly colored cards, I\u2019m told, in what supposedly constitutes a \u201cframework shift\u201d: \u201cYou have a good kid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Good Inside<\/p>\n

Do parents think they have\u00a0\u2026 bad kids, I wonder? By the deck\u2019s end, the app invites me to set a reminder on my phone. I comply. Several hours later, the notification dings as Salmon and my husband have a pillow fight.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, Salmon instructs me to say, \u201cWhat are you boys doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you boys doing?\u201d I parrot.<\/p>\n

\u201cSquirrel flips!\u201d Salmon says. \u201cThis is my nut tunnel.\u201d<\/p>\n

Day 1<\/p>\n

Instead of walking the dog, I watch a short Gi video. Dr.\u00a0Becky advises her audience to make an \u201cimperfect, incomplete\u201d connection with a friend. I dismiss texts from two friends as I watch, admiring her aquarium-blue turtleneck.<\/p>\n

\"Screengrab<\/p>\n

Good Inside<\/p>\n

\u201cHere at Good Inside, we care so much about you,\u201d she says, \u201cnot just your kid.\u201d And, in keeping: I am distracted by her: her sizable ring, her gorgeous greige blond hair.<\/p>\n

Not for long, though. There is more content to mainline. I complete another deck: \u201cSame Team Mindset Game Changer.\u201d I appreciate a suggestion to infuse playfulness into moments of potential frustration, namely \u201ctransition moments.\u201d And while I like the idea of \u201creplacing opposition with cooperation,\u201d imagining that I\u2019d vilify my kid turns me off.<\/p>\n

The app celebrates my two-day streak; as Dr.\u00a0Becky might say, I\u2019m \u201cexactly where I\u2019m supposed to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

Day 2<\/p>\n

The day gets away from me before I have time to consult Dr.\u00a0Becky about anything. I fall asleep in Salmon\u2019s bunk bed, lulled by Dragon Masters\u00a05: Song of the Poison Dragon. So much for my streak.<\/p>\n

Day 3<\/p>\n

I resolve to implement something I\u2019ve learned.<\/p>\n

\u201cSalmon,\u201d I ask this morning, \u201ccan you tell me in your silliest voice what you want in your lunch?\u201d<\/p>\n

Salmon races Hot Wheels.<\/p>\n

\u201cSalmon,\u201d I try, \u201cdo you want barbecue chicken in your lunch?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nothing.<\/p>\n

At midday, I log in to Gi. Tackling my next deck, \u201cBoundaries Make Jobs Clear,\u201d I learn that parents\u2019 jobs include boundaries and validation; children\u2019s jobs are expressing desires and feelings. Suddenly, something seems useful\u2014the advice to replace \u201cPlease stop\u201d with \u201cI won\u2019t let you.\u201d Why don\u2019t I take an active, assertive role more often? This I can work on.<\/p>\n

Day 4<\/p>\n

I go out of town for a mentor\u2019s funeral. From Forest Park in St.\u00a0Louis, I FaceTime Salmon. He gives me a virtual hug and convinces me to convince my husband that the pancakes in the freezer should be saved for my return and a new batch prepared for today\u2019s breakfast. On the train back to Chicago, I eat a beet-and-pickled-grape salad and reply to my husband\u2019s texts about Salmon\u2019s day.<\/p>\n

I believe I am a good mother. When I say good, I don\u2019t mean smug or perfect. More like secure. Maybe my resistance to parenting content stems from the fact that I don\u2019t want to perform insecurity for a jolt of reassurance.<\/p>\n

Still, I am open-minded. What will I learn in \u201cConnection Before Direction\u201d?<\/p>\n

Something logical: Validate a child\u2019s experience before asking them to do something different. Less logical is the bonus strategy that the deck offers: Play \u201cno phone\u201d time (PNP time), just being with your child sans device\u00a0\u2026 followed by a plug for GiGi. Isn\u2019t GiGi\u00a0\u2026 on the phone? The irony depresses me. Once, in a fit of saltiness, I ask GiGi about the origin of its name, a question that flummoxes the bot. The thought of consulting it about Salmon repulses me.<\/p>\n

Day 6<\/p>\n

At 2\u00a0a.m., I find Salmon being what he calls a \u201cnight-walker,\u201d standing in the kitchen, filling a glass with water. I lead him back to bed, cuddle up beside him. In three hours, I leave for a 12-day writing residency in Hawaii. The residency was lined up before I got pregnant, and even though I hate flying\u2014and especially hate flying un-Xanaxed with a rapidly expanding belly\u2014prioritizing writing time before my June due date has become paramount. While the timing isn\u2019t ideal for my new Gi experiment, I plan to unplug without abandoning Dr.\u00a0Becky. This arrangement will allow me to immerse myself without being tempted to stare at my phone when I\u2019m with my kid. I\u2019ll be a focused fiction writer and a focused Gi student.<\/p>\n

Rain drips down the plane windows; I complete the \u201cAsk and Trust\u201d deck, which opens with a Dr.\u00a0Becky video.<\/p>\n

\"Dr.<\/p>\n

Good Inside<\/p>\n

Trust, levity, playfulness: These techniques resonate. With Salmon, I often propose races: Who\u2019ll get to the bathroom first? Who\u2019ll get up the bunk bed ladder first? I could\u2014and should\u2014add more levity. I note, \u201cKids listen when they are given trust and agency,\u201d before taking off for Kona.<\/p>\n

Day 7<\/p>\n

Good Inside from bed on the big island. In a video, Dr.\u00a0Becky marks Employee Appreciation Week by bemoaning how uncelebrated parents\u2019 wins often are. She\u2019s in a navy sweater; I\u2019m starting to envy her knitwear.<\/p>\n

Day 8<\/p>\n

I complete a four-minute Good Inside survey that arrived by email. Do I feel less alone? Less lonely? More connected to my kid after using the app? Not really.<\/p>\n

Day 10<\/p>\n

The survey I completed results in an email from a Good Inside product manager named Steve. Steve offers me a $30 gift card in exchange for a brief interview. I book a call with him for Monday morning\u2014precious residency time but worth it for the Gi intel.<\/p>\n

Day 11<\/p>\n

At 9:47 this evening, after a virgin mojito and fish tacos, I complete a deck titled \u201cWhy Putting Yourself First Is Good for Salmon.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been putting myself first (in the form of taking time away to write) since Salmon was 2, and while I don\u2019t have any guilt or insecurity around this, I don\u2019t mind the Dr.\u00a0Becky stamp of approval.<\/p>\n

Day 12<\/p>\n

More than halfway through the Gi experiment. I mark the occasion by talking to Product Manager Steve. Steve tells me he works on the mobile app. Understanding how I use the app is the purpose for today\u2019s call.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are your thoughts after having signed up?\u201d Steve asks.<\/p>\n

I acknowledge the utility of the advice, and how, every third or fourth deck, a phrase or concept will resonate. \u201cOtherwise, it\u2019s a lot of clicking through,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n

Steve asks why my engagement is limited to decks\u2014after all, the app includes a Community function. There, I\u2019ve been having technical issues, which I describe to him. When I click on the Community tab, I\u2019m met with an early-internet-looking error screen, I explain. Then I admit that I find it uninspiring\u2014maybe even troubling\u2014to read posts from community members who are \u201casking the chatbot questions about their kids, which seems ethically wrong to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Steve asks what I hope to get out of the app. I say I want \u201can insight into why Dr.\u00a0Becky is a cultural phenomenon and has been since the early days of the pandemic.\u201d I tell him that I want to understand what parents turn to this product for, why they\u2019re paying for it. What that says about what it is to be a parent in the 21st century. I admit, \u201cIt strikes me as really sad that so many people are going to this app to, like, figure out how to be with their kids.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn your ideal vision, what would your ideal parenting app look like?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n

I tell him there wouldn\u2019t be such an app. \u201cI don\u2019t think it should exist, because I think it takes away from a parent\u2019s time with their kid.\u201d We talk for a bit longer, then I ask how many folks working on this product have children.<\/p>\n

\u201cMost of them.\u201d Steve says he\u2019ll follow up with a gift card.<\/p>\n

Later, at 9:51\u00a0p.m., I return to \u201cHow to Turn Defiance Into Cooperation.\u201d Was I the defiant kid with Steve? I feel curmudgeonly and mean, especially when Dr.\u00a0Becky appears in her most feminine sweater yet\u2014an ivory pointelle knit with scalloped short sleeves\u2014flaunting her Cartier Love bracelet, as she nearly beats her chest, declaring: \u201cI have a good kid.\u201d It\u2019s ridiculous but also earnest. Should the 24k spoils of Kennedy\u2019s monetization bother me so much? Should they detract from her advice, when maybe hearing \u201cI have a good kid\u201d could really help someone? \u00a0<\/p>\n

Day 13<\/p>\n

It\u2019s my last day in Hawaii. Eating eggs and avocado on an English muffin, I see that someone I follow has shared a Substack note from neuroscientist Manuela Kouakou:<\/p>\n

\n

One of the quietest struggles in parenting:<\/p>\n

Your instincts know your child.<\/p>\n

But your mind is full of other people\u2019s voices.<\/p>\n

Books. Advice. Expectations.<\/p>\n

Learning to hear your own signal again takes time.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

That evening, after a hike to Green Sand Beach, I complete the \u201cChoice Creates Cooperation\u201d deck. Since being taken by surprise leads to out-of-control feelings and defiance, Dr.\u00a0Becky suggests using the phrase Totally up to you and making a visual schedule.<\/p>\n

Day 16<\/p>\n

Now that the retreat bubble has burst and I\u2019m back home, I decide to expand my Good Inside engagement. From my treadmill desk, I attend \u201cOverwhelmed and Burnt Out,\u201d also known as \u201cBurnout Circle,\u201d a 45-minute Zoom meeting led by a Good Inside counselor.<\/p>\n

Last night, after we left a session of swimming at the YMCA, Salmon had a meltdown when we tried to go for sushi and learned that there was a 40-minute wait. His tears and anger lasted six minutes, which of course felt like forever while I was driving us away from the negitoro. Notably, I did not lose my calm, and I affirmed how frustrating it was to have to change plans when he had wanted sushi all day\u2014even longer, in fact, because it had been his plan for our first family dinner with me back from Hawaii. I was proud of him for pivoting to pizza, prouder still for how, as we were heading home, he told me that he felt \u201cpeaceful, happy, confident, and love.\u201d<\/p>\n

I think about the brevity of that difficulty today, as I listen to parents struggling with deeply feeling kids and water-spilling 2-year-olds. The live support is better than I expected\u2014a robust conversation with a talented facilitator asking good follow-ups.<\/p>\n

I stay off-camera\u2014all but nine of the 34 attendees do. No group rules are stated; cross talk seems welcome. One person says they don\u2019t want to be a bad parent to their toddler. Another says that they don\u2019t want to feel bad inside.<\/p>\n

Clearly, there are repeat attendees. One woman explains that with time, things will start to feel different. \u00a0Another refers to the growth she has seen in another participant over the past few months. Subtext: Using Good Inside helps.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m surprised by how much I enjoy the group. People share serious life experiences\u2014death, diagnoses, homelessness\u2014that they\u2019re parenting through. One mom shares the wisdom that it\u2019s impossible to go through life without challenges. Another wonders whether their deeply feeling kid\u2019s behavior requires police intervention.<\/p>\n

I send heart reactions. I send party hats. I log off, feeling oddly connected.<\/p>\n

That night, my husband and I go on a date. Over ghee-roasted cauliflower, I tell him about Burnout Circle. He asks how I\u2019d describe Good Inside. \u201cTherapy fast food,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n

In my inbox, a $30 Mastercard gift card from Steve. I use it two days later to buy a loaf of rye bread, plus pastries for Salmon and me: ham-and-cheese croissant, cinnamon bun.<\/p>\n

Day 18<\/p>\n

In the Starbucks drive-thru, I open Gi and linger over a poll about problem behaviors. I wonder if potty language qualifies. With my half-caf almond milk latte, I complete the problem behaviors deck. Such behaviors, I learn, stem from feelings that children \u201cdon\u2019t yet have the skills to handle.\u201d What feelings might Salmon be expressing, I wonder, with \u201cWanna poop on your toots?\u201d<\/p>\n

Middeck, Dr.\u00a0Becky appears in a chartreuse Good Inside sweatshirt\u2014$55 on the Good Inside shop<\/a>: \u201cthe perfect fit for your parenting journey,\u201d according to the site. Have the stealth-wealth sweaters caused a stir? \u201cAll problem behaviors come from feelings that overpower skills,\u201d she says, which is also \u201ctrue for adults,\u201d whose hyperpotent feelings \u201ccome out as bad behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n

The deck offers an important distinction between \u201chaving a hard time\u201d (the preferred Good Inside framing) vs. \u201cgiving me a hard time.\u201d Dr.\u00a0Becky, wearing the Gi sweatshirt again, instructs: \u201cWe have to understand before we intervene.\u201d No jewelry this time. \u201cWhen we level up skills to meet the intensity of their feelings, that\u2019s what changes behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n

Day 19<\/p>\n

Two days later, I\u2019m away from Salmon again, in Los Angeles for work. Alicia Keys fills the CRV that drives me past MacArthur Park, site of my gravest parenting anxieties. In the park, a sunburned figure itches an arm cast; another slumps on a bench, picking at his eyes. A woman\u2019s breast hangs from her torn shirt. Gulls fly around people as if they\u2019re not there. When I worry about parenting, it is future-looking. What if my ineptitude today sets up Salmon for addiction or instability later? Instability?<\/p>\n

At LAX yesterday, I FaceTimed my husband. Salmon said, \u201cCan we not talk now?\u201d Sorry, he told me; he wanted to play with Dad. I loved that.<\/p>\n

Now, as I ride through Koreatown, Alicia Keys croons, \u201cEverything\u2019s gonna be all right.\u201d I log in to GI, a deck called \u201cHow Boundaries Build Safety.\u201d Boundaries, I read, \u201cembody authority and maintain connection.\u201d<\/p>\n

On video, a sweatshirted Dr.\u00a0Becky advises setting boundaries \u201cearly and often\u201d so I feel like a \u201csturdy\u201d parent and my kid doesn\u2019t feel like a \u201cbad kid.\u201d The reminder to set physical boundaries is a good one\u2014a way to be more proactive. Over the past four weeks of subscribing to Good Inside, I\u2019ve taken this approach more. Rather than making a comment and growing frustrated when Salmon doesn\u2019t respond, I get up and get involved.<\/p>\n

Day 20<\/p>\n

Back in cold, gray Chicago, I head to the suburbs for a dermatologist appointment to check off a skin-cancer screening before the new baby arrives. An hour\u2019s drive ahead of me\u2014time to tackle all 24 chapters of the Deeply Feeling Kids Workshop (Part\u00a01) that I began at the YMCA. There\u2019s a video component, but I\u2019m driving, so I listen to the audio through the car speaker. I\u2019ve been living with Dr.\u00a0Becky content for almost a month, including the reminders that pop up on my phone to engage with the content. One I don\u2019t remember setting arrived late last night:<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Good Inside<\/p>\n

Before my Good Inside ends and I cancel my subscription\u2014which seems inevitable\u2014I owe it to Dr.\u00a0Becky to hear the gospel of DFKs. The deeply feeling kid is a tentpole of Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2019s brand. As she told the Bump<\/a>, \u201cDeeply feeling kids are kids who experience emotions more intensely and more deeply than other kids. That means that they react more strongly to situations. Their feelings last longer.\u201d On the Good Inside podcast, you can listen to episodes with titles such as \u201cDo I Have a DFK?,\u201d \u201cThe DFK Story I Haven\u2019t Told\u2014Until Now,\u201d and \u201cWhen DFKs, Birth Order, and Siblings Collide.\u201d Though there\u2019s an abundance of content about navigating challenges particular to DFKs, the term isn\u2019t tied to a disorder or label. I\u2019m curious. Frankly, the lack of pathologizing appeals to me.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/p>\n

Good Inside<\/p>\n

Blasting from my car speaker, Dr.\u00a0Becky sounds sincere to the point of tearful. She stresses the necessity of buy-in. As instructed, I put my hand on my heart. I repeat aloud: \u201cI have a good kid. I am a good parent.\u201d<\/p>\n

The workshop begins with a lesson in emotions and attachment. Dr.\u00a0Becky points out that when we take kids for swim lessons, we don\u2019t expect them to master swimming after one session. We tolerate their gradual learning\u2014so why don\u2019t we do the same for feelings? This is critical, especially for DFKs, who, I hear, take longer to learn emotional regulation and experience threats as a \u201ctidal wave of feelings inside their own body.\u201d<\/p>\n

For the first time, I register Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2019s affect as angry, indignant. This is a compelling version of her. \u201cYou and your child are worthy of better resources,\u201d she says; we\u2019ve been \u201cgiven the wrong playbook.\u201d I choke up, even as I feel both manipulated (she presumably has the right playbook, and she charges monthly for it) and affirmed. By showing up to this workshop, she says, we are \u201cfreaking awesome parents.\u201d<\/p>\n

I want to be that freaking awesome parent. When Dr.\u00a0Becky says to greet guilt that creeps in for not knowing this stuff, I do: \u201cHi, Guilt.\u201d When she asks me to place a hand on my heart again, I do, repeating, \u201cI am here. I did not mess up my kid forever. My timing is impeccable.\u201d I pass a Target where Salmon once had a meltdown over a Paw Patrol fire truck. \u201cThe time to change is always right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

DFKs, according to Dr.\u00a0Becky, are porous. I flash back to yesterday, flying home from L.A. During a brief respite in the turbulence and my attendant panic attack, I stood in the bathroom, stared in the mirror, and examined the hugeness of my literal pores, wondering if there were pregnancy-safe measures to erase them.<\/p>\n

Two fears, Dr.\u00a0Becky explains, accompany DFKs\u2019 porousness:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    What could overtake me?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Will I overtake you?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    A triangulation of deep sensitivity, porousness, and fear produces hypervigilance. Dr.\u00a0Becky frames a strong will and a need to be in control as connected to the DFK\u2019s sense of vulnerability.<\/p>\n

    The workshop sends me down a hall of mirrors: Is my skepticism about mom blogs and parenting content related to my own porousness, a fear that I\u2019ll lose myself if I let in other people or become receptive to their ideas? This could be a serious limitation to this experiment. Or an important disclaimer.<\/p>\n

    Even that anxiety over the conditions of the experiment could be symptomatic of my own DFK-ness, given that DFKs \u201cworry\u00a0\u2026 that what feels big and messy and overwhelming is wrong\u201d and are thus shame-prone. Dr.\u00a0Becky says, \u201cVulnerability sits next to shame.\u201d<\/p>\n

    DFKs\u2019 explosions or meltdowns occur during emotional turbulence. I revisit what I tried telling myself yesterday about the flight\u2019s turbulence, how it results from cold and warm air making contact.<\/p>\n

    As I approach the O\u2019Hare exit on I-294, Dr.\u00a0Becky says, \u201cMore than anything, your kid needs you to become a sturdy pilot during their emotional turbulence,\u201d and everything both crescendos and collapses.<\/p>\n

    \u201cImagine you\u2019re a passenger on a very turbulent plane and you\u2019re gripping the armrest for dear life,\u201d she says. Easy: Yesterday, I was not only gripping the armrest but gripping the hand of the flight attendant who was sitting down in the aisle, soothing me as I hyperventilated and wept.<\/p>\n

    Dr.\u00a0Becky asks listeners to imagine three different pilots whose voices could come over the PA. Above my car, planes descend, low overhead. I take a deep breath, try to be a steady pilot of my own vehicle, and listen.<\/p>\n

    One pilot is dismissive. That pilot tells passengers to cool down; they\u2019re making a big deal out of nothing. Dr.\u00a0Becky admits to having been this pilot with her own DFK. I think about how, growing up, my parents called me a \u201cdrama queen.\u201d<\/p>\n

    The second pilot meets their passengers\u2019 fear with hysteria, shrieking, outburst\u2014that pilot shames their passengers, saying, \u201cI can\u2019t do my job because of YOU.\u201d<\/p>\n

    The third pilot comes on the PA, voice even and steady. That pilot acknowledges the bumpiness. They say, \u201cI know it\u2019s going to be OK. I\u2019m going to get us through this and get you to your destination safe and sound.\u201d<\/p>\n

    This, Dr.\u00a0Becky emphasizes, is the work: becoming that \u201csturdy pilot\u201d who can let their passengers know: \u201cI believe your intense feelings. I\u2019m not scared of them.\u201d The process of becoming that pilot might take months or years, she explains. But it\u2019s achievable.<\/p>\n

    I know that months and years mean revenue. Still\u2014I believe her.<\/p>\n

    Day 21<\/p>\n

    Salmon wakes me up, screaming, in tears. He has incorrectly built his Lego fire truck. It\u2019s 6\u00a0a.m., and he bellows for me. It\u2019s my fault. The truck isn\u2019t right.<\/p>\n

    I find him at the dining room table, too upset to field my request for the instruction booklet. His lower lip quivers; there\u2019s an expression on his face that my husband and I used to call \u201csad baby.\u201d Every time he tries to pick up the Legos, a new segment breaks.<\/p>\n

    It\u2019s time.<\/p>\n

    \u201cLet\u2019s go to your room get your uniform on and take a break,\u201d I say calmly. I try to remember everything Dr.\u00a0Becky said in the DFKs workshop about containment\u2014how, if an adult were drunk, out of control, you wouldn\u2019t let them get behind the wheel of a car.<\/p>\n

    \u201cI hate you,\u201d he says, crying, as I lead him down the hallway. \u201cI want to leave our family.\u201d<\/p>\n

    In his bedroom, Salmon growls and stomps around. I sit on the rug; I wait. \u201cPresence is an action,\u201d Dr.\u00a0Becky says. Being present with your kid when they\u2019re emotionally turbulent shows them: You are a sturdy pilot. Their feelings aren\u2019t toxic.<\/p>\n

    When Salmon is quieter, I say, \u201cYou\u2019re part of our family. I love you always, no matter what.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Eventually, I ask if he can get his uniform on by the count of 40. Slowly, I count. I help him with his red rubber-ducky socks. I say, \u201cIt\u2019s still early. Let\u2019s see if we can work on that Lego.\u201d<\/p>\n

    At the table, he lets me page through the instructions. We backtrack. We find the source of the problem.<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/p>\n

    \n Gideon Meyerowitz-Katz
    \n It\u2019s One of the Most Torturous Parts of Caring for a Baby. But the Biggest Payoff is Very Clear.
    \n Read More<\/b>\n <\/p>\n

    <\/a><\/p>\n

    It\u2019s not perfect. It wasn\u2019t exactly the Good Inside script. Truth be told, as I led a screaming Salmon to his room, my husband yelled from our bedroom, \u201cBe quiet! This is not acceptable!\u201d<\/p>\n

    But I got through something. I didn\u2019t lose my composure. I woke up to turbulence and became the steady pilot.<\/p>\n

    When Salmon\u2019s at school and I\u2019m walking the dog, I listen to the last five minutes of the DFKs workshop. \u201cPilots don\u2019t try to avoid turbulence and jerk around their planes,\u201d says Dr.\u00a0Becky. \u201cThey know how to handle turbulence.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \n <\/p>\n

      There Are Benefits to Blood Donation That You Might Not Expect
      \n <\/a>\n <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Even though Dr.\u00a0Becky\u2019s profiting off parents\u2019 insecurities and anxieties still makes me uneasy, I\u2019m glad for my brief dalliance with Good Inside. I\u2019m less allergic to parenting advice, for one, and more than that, I\u2019m leaving the app more cognizant of the choices I have as a parent\u2014namely, to embody steadiness and sturdiness, especially during those inevitable periods of dysregulation. Do I plan to sign up for Good Inside Baby during my second son\u2019s final weeks in utero? No. Endlessly forking over subscription dollars for app content seems like too much. Am I glad to feel as if I\u2019m parenting more mindfully in these weeks before his arrival? Yes. And maybe, in a small way, paying is part of the promise of the premise: I\u2019ve invested in becoming a better mother.<\/p>\n

      Dr.\u00a0Becky instructs listeners to take a symbolic action\u2014no matter where you are, to take a step forward. Just one. To show you\u2019re on the path to change. I pocket my phone. I\u2019m walking my dog. I take many steps. I cross the street.<\/p>\n

      <\/p>\n

      Sign up for Slate’s evening newsletter.<\/p>\n