Photo courtesy of Pat Hicks.

A love story in West Texas defined by a baby boy and a decades long secret, has finally been unearthed. 

Pat Hicks, a Lake Highlands resident of forty years and the author of My Name is a Lie and Other Truths, explores the tales of silence, consequence, and secrets found in so many families — something he believed would never reach him. 

Hicks sat down with Lake Highlands Advocate to discuss what it’s like taking personal responsibility for who we are and rebuilding the narrative of your own life. 

Take me to the moment when you first learned that the man you believed to be your father was actually not.

Hicks: It was a full moon in August. I went for a walk and I’m noticing the full moon coming up. I was on the sidewalk outside my house when the phone rang. It was Doug Lill, and he says, “I’m Barbara’s son. She passed away, but I’m maintaining her ancestry stuff.” So, we start talking, and he starts giving me the family history that he’s traced. And I remember I said, “Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute here. You said that the family had two sons, and one went over there and got your grandmother pregnant. Well, what was the other son’s name?” And he went, “Robert ‘Bob’ Dawson.”

By this time, I’m at the bottom of the hill before you get up to my house, and I go, “Do I know Bob Dawson? Yes. Bob Dawson was like an uncle.” As a matter of fact, Bob Dawson and his wife were at the kitchen table when my dad died of a heart attack.

Then I went, “Do you know what this means?” He went, “No, I’m sorry. I’m not following you. I don’t get it.”

So, I said, “There’s only one way that I can be your mother’s first cousin. Bob Dawson has to be my daddy.”

I remember distinctly, I’m just standing there, looking up, going, “Oh my God, my life just changed. Everything just changed.”

What were the emotions like after you found out this truth? What have you learned?

Hicks: I’m going to explain through a little exercise. Imagine it’s a speed-dating thing. So you sit down, and they ask, “Hi. What’s your name? Where are you from? Are you the oldest, youngest? Do you have any siblings? Your parents? Where did they meet? How did they meet?” And now everything you just said is a lie.

That’s not who your parents are. You’re not the oldest or the youngest. That’s not your grandfather. That’s not your last name.

So, all of a sudden, you have to come up with this self-concept, this foundation of who you are. What I’ve learned is that you ultimately get to a point where you have to give yourself permission to decide who it is you want to be, and that’s not a black-and-white answer. You’re allowed to change.

What I decided to do was this: write a book.

Was there ever any evidence that your mother might have had another relationship?

Hicks: We had found these love poems of my mother after she died. The first poem is in the prologue of my book. There’s a second one, and it’s dated Jan. 10, 1949. Jan. 10 was her birthday and was a year and a half before I was conceived.

And in these love poems, she obviously loves this man, whoever he is. Their relationship lasted a long time, and they fought at it.

Looking back, do you think there were signs that you were from another father?

Hicks: It was clear that this was a surprise, and that there was baggage. My parents made sacrifices to stay together. So, instead of a celebration of another child, there was baggage.

Now, I was raised in a very loving home. My parents never fought. After I found out, I remember I talked to my sister-in-law about everything I found out. She told me, “Of course you know about that night when your mother told your dad she was pregnant.”

And I said, “What are you talking about?”

My sister-in-law said, “Oh, old Joe! He said that was just about the worst night of his childhood.”

She said that my dad was furious. My parents had a knock-down, drag-out fight. My mom was crying, and he was screaming and banging on stuff. It was just awful.

These are two people that I never once heard raise their fists to each other. Therefore, it was clear to me that he knew for a fact that this wasn’t his child.

Today, what does the word “father” mean to you?

Hicks: No one has asked me that question. That’s a complicated question but such a simple one.

After my father found out that I wasn’t his, he decided to not blow this up. That’s one way to be a dad. It’s not about you anymore. You sacrifice and do what you have to do to keep a family and keep them going.

And then, of course, there’s a man that fathers a child.

When readers finish reading the book, what do you hope they carry with them afterward?

Hicks: I want them to understand that I think my family made sacrifices. I want them to understand that women had so many fewer choices back then, even if the choices are limited now.

Is it possible to love two people? I realize that my mom and my birth dad were outside their marriages, but there was something going on. They just wanted to feel whole, and I believe they loved each other.

This interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.