Jeff Sirois’s flashbacks come on without warning. They are vivid memories of the worst traumas the Methuen fire lieutenant experienced over his more than two-decade long career. During one of those traumas, Sirois tried to resuscitate a baby who was in a car that filled with engine exhaust.
“And I have the mother the whole time screaming, ‘save my baby, save my baby, that’s all I have to live for.’ And the baby didn’t make it,” Sirois recalled, “I was a mess because, at the time, I had a one-and-a-half-year-old.”
In the moment, Sirois did not realize that the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder were seeping into his life.
“I would cry all the time. I’d have panic attacks. I would have flashbacks. I didn’t know what it was at the time until it was explained to me. My wife, I’ve known her since I’ve been four years old and she would say, I don’t even know who you are,” he said.
In 2020, Sirois said he went to a call that broke him. He claims he was in a smoke-filled basement when he started to lose oxygen from his mask.
“I’m lost in this room and now I’m panicking. I had a severe panic attack. Thought I was going to die,” he said.
Since then, Sirois says he has fought for his life and for a Methuen Retirement Board to recognize his disability and compensate him for it.
In Massachusetts, first responders who can prove they were injured on the job are eligible for 72% of their salary, tax free, for life with approval from a local retirement board. In Methuen, the board is made up five people, some of them elected, others appointed by the mayor.
Diagnosed with PTSD, denied retirement benefits
After the 2020 call, Sirois says his therapist diagnosed him with severe complex PTSD. He left work and had four different inpatient hospital stays and then applied for retirement benefits. Despite input from roughly a dozen doctors who connected his PTSD to his job, the board denied him twice.
“It’s just insane when I have all these doctors saying the same thing,” Sirois said.
The problem for Sirois is a Massachusetts law which requires injured first responders to seek retirement within two years of being injured. His therapist, Jeff Zeizel, told WBZ that formula does not work when it comes to PTSD.
“The problem with the two year rule is a first responder could be exposed literally decades prior, the systems show up currently,” Zeizel said.
There is proposed legislation at the State House to amend the two year rule.
The 2020 call happened within two years of Sirois seeking retirement but the Methuen Retirement Board sent WBZ a statement saying the board did not agree that that event caused Sirois’s PTSD.
“Thus, while Mr. Sirois was able to convince the medical panel which examined him that the December 29, 2020 incident was what caused him to stop working 6 months later and aggravated his PTSD to the point of permanent incapacity, the Board – as the fact finder – believes the evidence does not support that opinion,” said Michael Sacco, an attorney who represents the Methuen Retirement Board.
Zeizel also argues that retirement boards have the power to disregard medical opinions.
“You have non-medical or psychiatric professionals rendering opinions about psychiatric injuries that they have no experience about,” he said.
Sirois appealed the Board’s denials and won his appeal before a magistrate. Now, the Retirement Board is seeking to overturn that decision before another state board, a process which could take five to seven years.
Hopes to erase the stigma
While he waits, Sirois says he wants to help erase the stigma around first responder mental health and help others who are suffering from PTSD seek treatment.
“I can’t take the pressure. I can’t take the sadness. I can’t take the pain. I can’t take the people not believing me. It’s got to change. This is costing people’s lives,” he said.
If you or someone you know is a first responder suffering from mental health issues, there are resources in our area:
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