When David Archuleta became an overnight teen heartthrob in 2008 via American Idol and his No. 2 pop single “Crush,” he was extremely uncomfortable with all the attention from his adoring female fans. “I had no sense of sexuality when I was 16, 17,” he admits to Gold Derby. “I was so avoidant of it. I was really out of touch with my feelings — but intentionally, because I was so afraid of them.”
At the time, Archuleta wasn’t quite sure why he was so terrified. But some American Idol viewers seemed to figure it out years before he actually did.
“I feel like a lot of people watched and they’re like, ‘Oh, there’s something off about this kid. He seems a little gay or a little queer,’” Archuleta muses. “A lot of people saw, I think, the internal struggle of, ‘OK, this kid is clearly struggling with something,’ and I think a lot of people could relate to it. But for me, I was in denial. I [was] just trying to be a good Mormon boy.”
Archuleta eventually came out as queer in 2021 — after years of trying to come to terms with his sexuality and, like many closeted LDS kids, even seriously contemplating suicide — and he then left Church of Latter-day Saints, in which he’d been raised his entire life. And now, he’s finally embracing his sensuality and heartthrob status, as evidenced by the thirst-trapping cover art for Earthly Delights, his first collection of new music in more than five years. Right now, both professionally and personally, Archuleta, at age 34, is in what he calls full “indulgence mode”: exploring romances with men, going clubbing, taking mushrooms and Molly at raves and music festivals, definitely making up for lost time, and basically just living his best life.
“I wish I would’ve known that it wasn’t as dangerous to live life, to the point where it was like, ‘What if I mess up my life by drinking and doing drugs?’ But at least from a religious perspective, even alcohol and drugs is ‘better’ than being gay, so I’ve already done the ‘worst’ thing, so let me try that,” Archuleta shrugs. “The fact that I almost took my life before because I thought I could get in trouble, that I almost took my life away because I was so afraid to be gay — now I’m like, why not take risks? … I don’t know how long life is, so every day from this point on just feels like a bonus to me.
“I just want to live it to the fullest and experience it and feel a little rebellious. To even live feels like a rebellion now, because I’m living as a queer person. … But in that rebellion, you find strength, you find confidence in yourself to be more comfortable in your own skin.”
In the candid Q&A below, Archuleta opens up about the unlikely journey — from quiet, conflicted, closeted Mormon kid to bona fide LGBTQ+ sex symbol — that has led to his Earthly Delights EP.
Gold Derby: I love the Earthly Delights cover art. It’s very ‘70s/‘80s heartthrob. It’s giving Andy Gibb, George Michael vibes. And I think the sexy, retro feel speaks to the contents within.
David Archuleta: Thank you. … I wanted it to feel sexy. I wanted it to feel flirty, a little enticing, and I feel like we accomplished that.
You were a heartthrob on American Idol, but obviously in a very different way. Does it surprise you that since you started having what people call your “glow-up,” there have been all these thirsty articles about you in Queerty and Out — even when you just post a simple shirtless workout pic on Instagram?
I appreciate that they feel even a desire to talk about me. I wish it was more interesting, maybe. But if they’re watching, then I hope that there’s more to come with the music coming out. That’s the stuff that I get more excited about sharing. … People used to talk about me being a teenage heartthrob when I was younger, but I was so out of touch with my sexuality back then that I really didn’t have any sexy charisma, flirty charisma — any charisma, period. Because I was so avoidant of it. I was really out of touch with my feelings — but intentionally, because I was so afraid of them. … Basically, I had no sense of sexuality when I was 16, 17.
I’m sure there were boys who liked you too, but your fanbase was mostly young girls then. Do you look back on that now and go, “Oh, maybe one of the reasons why that didn’t sit so well with me or that it made me feel awkward was because girls weren’t my thing”?
Yeah, I mean, sometimes it felt like girls were my thing, and sometimes I still wonder if sometimes there’s a little bit of feeling … you’re curious, and you wonder. But at the time, deep down I knew that if I explored those [romantic] feelings any more, that feelings for guys would start coming out. And so, I just simply was like, “I’m not even going to go there, then, because it’s dangerous.” I looked at it as a dangerous thing, and I think you could see me as kind of a deer in headlights a lot of times, because I was just like, “Let’s just not think about it.” … I was like, “I don’t know what I’m doing [to attract female attention], because if anything, I don’t want this attention!” Maybe that was the endearing part of [my appeal], because usually people are like, “Oh yeah, bring it on!” And I was so uncomfortable with it.
When you’re on a reality show like American Idol, especially back in 2008 when it was one of the biggest shows in the world, viewers feel like they really know you. Obviously now that we know everything about what’s happened in your life since then, we realize that we did not really know you. Maybe you didn’t even know yourself. That must’ve been weird for you.
Yeah, but I feel like a lot of people watched and they’re like, “Oh, there’s something off about this kid. He seems a little gay or a little queer.” I have people say that all the time. And I didn’t understand it because I was like, “Well, I’m not doing anything ‘gay.’” Now, being older, I know being queer or being gay is not about the way you act. … But a lot of people saw, I think, the internal struggle of, “OK, this kid is clearly struggling with something,” and I think a lot of people could relate to it. But for me, I was in denial. I’m just trying to be a good Mormon boy. There is no “gay.” A few years after I was on American Idol, within the Mormon community there was an apostle, one of the world church leaders, who infamously said, “There are no gay members of the church. There are just children of God. Stop using that label. There are no gay members.” And I kind of looked at that as, “Oh wow, what an inspiring message…”
Inspiring?
Yes, because at the time I was like, “Am I bisexual? Am I this? And I that?” And someone had sent that to me saying, “Look, this is what God thinks. There are no gay members, so stop trying to figure out whether you are this or that because you are a child of God.” But now I think that was just smoke-and-mirrors and distraction from the actual root of the issue. Because no, there clearly are still gay members and bisexual members and queer members of any group. They’re always going to be there, whether other people want them there or not. It’s part of our evolution and genetics to continue creating queer people. … For some reason, there are political advantages or to keep throwing queer people under the bus and say they’re “weird” and they’re “off” and they’re “bad,” but hopefully by this point a lot of people have seen that’s not the case. But then more fearmongering happens. I don’t know why queer people are continuously targeted, but they are. Maybe it’s just because it’s easy to put blame on people who there are less in numbers than the majority, to distract from the actual issues at hand.
The concept of Earthly Delights is you questioning the indoctrination of your youth, and it’s inspired by falling out of grace with your church and family. Some people actually believe that openly LGBTQ+ people can stay in the Mormon church and be accepted. Maybe that was not the case or choice for you, but do you think the Mormon church will evolve to a point where that could be possible?
There are already people who are queer that do it. … I just don’t feel like God’s truth is found in the Mormon church the way I was raised to believe it was initially. I don’t think people realize how much of a bubble you grow up in as a Mormon. … You have these beliefs as a Mormon where you’re not really supposed to get your sources of truth from outside of the religion. Like, if you hear other information from elsewhere, don’t trust it, because the church has all the truth you need and is the most correct, most pure form of truth that you can get about life and the answers to it. So, if you’re looking for questions about what your beliefs are, don’t look it up online. Don’t look it up in books. Anything outside is trying to attack us. You kind of feel like you’re in this war mentality of it’s us versus them. … So, I grew up and I’m like, “Where can I find out about being queer and possibly being gay? Well, I guess I have to look on the church website, because that’s the only trustworthy source that I have that can give me the facts.” … And that’s why I was confused for longer than I needed to be about my sexuality, because I was letting church leaders and this bubble be my only source of information. And a lot of it is misinformation.
Your mother eventually accepted it after you came out and also left the church. But what about rest of your family?
My immediate family has been supportive. With extended family, it’s a little trickier. I had told my mom that I was gay a decade ago. Now, I identify just as being queer. It makes more sense to me. It feels more fitting. It’s not as black-and-white with sexuality. But when I first told her I was going to start dating guys, she said, “Honey, I love you, but I love God more, and I can’t accept this about you. God’s plan is for you to marry a woman.” And I said, “Mom, I get it. Up until a week ago, I believed all this too. I don’t need you to accept what I’m doing. I just want you to respect I’m making the best decision for me right now.” I think it’s important to know that to get to where you are, to be in a comfortable place, you may risk not being accepted by the people you love the most. And then you wonder, is it worth it? For me, it was worth it. At that point I was like, “What’s more important: my mom accepting me, or me accepting and improving myself?” Because I almost took my life because I was thinking it was better to reject myself.
So, at that point, I’d gone through enough of that mental trying to get through all that murkiness of how I perceived myself that I was like, “You know what? It doesn’t matter what my mom thinks.” And she told me what she thought. She said, “I love God more.” I was like, “Good for you, Mom. Regardless of what you think, I know what I’m doing with my life and it does not matter what anyone thinks at this point. I’m going to date guys.” I still cared about, “What if someone sees me dating a guy? Mormons are going to think I’m the worst thing!” But at the same time, I was willing to go through that uncomfortableness and stumble my way through it, because it mattered to me more to be myself, and to be honest and not despise myself and hate myself anymore for something that I was learning was completely unnecessary.
This new EP is all about embracing your sensual side. Do you feel like you’re making up for lost time? You were 30 when you came out, and you’re 34 now and in this whole new reboot of your life.
I definitely have been like, “Oh, I wish I knew this earlier. I wish I would’ve been fine coming out.” My gosh, I wish I would’ve known that it wasn’t as dangerous to live life, to the point where it was like, “What if I mess up my life by drinking and doing drugs?” But at least from a religious perspective, even alcohol and drugs is “better” than being gay, so I’ve already done the “worst” thing, so let me try that. … Let me go out and to go dancing and to clubs. I can’t believe that going to clubs was considered such an evil thing before! It so fun to go to a club.
What have been some of your most euphoric experiences since you’ve come out and left the church? On Instagram you always seem to be living your best life.
I’ve loved going to the music festivals and having fun and being able to partake of substances — I did mushrooms at an EDM festival — and just realize these things that may feel so scary, just be responsible with what you’re doing. … I’ve loved being able to do take ‘shrooms or roll on Molly at EDC and just have the best time and be like, “This is one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had!” And I was so afraid to be here or for 20 years of my life. From the age of 10 to 30, I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is the worst thing that I could put myself through.” Now just say, “OK, this was great.” I look at life differently. I have a different perspective on it, that life can be about just taking in a moment, seeing yourself surrounded with other people who are just enjoying and you feel connected to them and to life.
The fact that I almost took my life before because I thought I could get in trouble, that I almost took my life away because I was so afraid to be gay — now I’m like, why not take risks? I almost got myself in trouble and ended up dying, almost willingly took [my life] away because I thought it was worse to be gay than to experience life. I don’t know how long life is, so, every day from this point on just feels like a bonus to me. I just want to live it to the fullest and experience it and feel a little rebellious. To even live feels like a rebellion now, because I’m living as a queer person. … But in that rebellion, you find strength, you find confidence in yourself to be more comfortable in your own skin. You’re less judgmental of other people, and you feel like you’re more equal with others as well and can appreciate other people, other walks of life. And that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to make the most of it, and trying to take that approach as an artist and as a musician as well. It’s easy to fall back into autopilot of how I started as a 17-year-old with the Mormon mentality, and I’m trying to grow out of that as a creator. It’s like, don’t put on the limits that you had when you were younger. Keep trying to let that creative juice flow and be free.
Some songs on Earthy Delights seem especially autobiographical. “Give You the World” is about being not totally ready to give someone your heart, although you’re obviously very attracted to them. And then there’s “Can I Call You,” which I don’t know if that’s about a specific person — it mentions someone in Atlanta and has some specific details. It must’ve been interesting and maybe sometimes difficult to start dating in the public eye as a newly out man, especially since you were navigating that at a later age. I imagine anyone dating you had to be very sensitive, understanding, and patient.
When I first started dating guys, I was very nervous about it. I was very scared, like, “Oh, what if people see me out in public?” You’re a lot more paranoid because you’re so used to this being a “bad” thing. Four years later, people still will say derogatory things, but I’m more comfortable in my own skin. I’m more self-aware. I don’t have the religious mentality influencing what I should and shouldn’t do or what I can and can’t do with my life. There were times where I was dating people where I was in the middle of processing all that and it was very heavy. I had to go through some major therapy to be able to deconstruct those very heavy, very strong beliefs that I was conditioned. It became very apparent that [those beliefs] still had a very strong control over my mind. Even though I’d left the religion, the mentality was very hard to remove it and reprogram.
And now this EP is all about pleasure and indulgence. Are there moments where you’re performing a song about desiring someone or taking off your clothes and it feels weird for you?
It’s such a subtle thing. because most people say, “Well, most music is like this!” But for me, this is such a big steppingstone, because to be in touch with my sensuality and my sexuality wasn’t a thing for me five years ago. To be talking about it is a big deal. … Sometimes I’m like, “Oh my gosh, I just said that!” But it is more fun for me than me feeling embarrassed by it.
Do you still consider yourself, if not religious per se, spiritual in any way? Do you still believe in a higher power or an afterlife or anything like that?
I don’t really think too much about it, and that’s what I found peace with. … [Religion] is usually not based in anything. It’s usually more superstitions and the way people have explained things. That’s why it’s so important for me to live my life now. If there is an afterlife, I think God would base it on the good nature of people, rather than if they obeyed what their leader said. It would be more based on the heart of someone’s nature rather than if they checked everything off of a list. … An all-knowing and all-loving God would love everybody, and also understand what life circumstances someone has gone through, what is in someone’s chemical makeup, what mental challenges or mental inhibitions they have, what advantages that they’ve had in life, what makes someone struggle more. And I just feel like religion doesn’t do that. For me, religion is very contradictory to what it teaches about a God being, and for me, there’s comfort in knowing that. I don’t know if there is a God in the way that religion teaches it, but if there is, it is way above any religion that exists that people have adapted to their own advantages and cultures. The biggest reason I came out is I found peace between my religious beliefs and my sexuality, because I realized God is not what other people were saying God was. I found what I felt was an answer from God saying, “David, you need to stop asking to be changed and to be straight. That is not what I wanted for you. That’s not what you’re supposed to be straight. You were created to be queer and to be who you are.” And that’s something just a lot of religious people can’t fathom.
You came out during a very intolerant time. A lot of LGBTQ+ rights have been under fire during the past four years. Are you worried about that?
From what I see with LGBTQ+ history, it is nothing new. We’ve always had to fight to be seen and be present. I feel like any minority will always have to do that. … Unfortunately, the LGBTQ+ community will always be a “minority,” but … we will always consistently be here because evolution wants us to be here. We contribute to every single community because we tend to lean more artistic. There’s something about our variation of sensuality and feeling and emotions that makes us have a lot to offer in the arts. So, I hope people can look at it in that way too.
That’s very true. Which is interesting, because were on American Idol 17 years ago, even if you had been out, I don’t think your story would have been highlighted. I don’t think either producers or the viewers would have been receptive to it. Like, even just one season later, Adam Lambert was out in his personal life, but his sexuality was never mentioned on the show and when he was seen on Myspace kissing his boyfriend, it was a TMZ scandal. Now we have contestants who are gay and trans. There was even a top 10 contestant who performed in drag. But it’s still a conservative show. There’s still never been an openly gay winner on Idol, and there’s actually only been only one openly gay winner of The Voice, and that was literally last year in its 25th season. I’m curious about your thoughts on that, because many queer people watch these shows.
I think culturally too, remember that marriage between same sex-couples was illegal until the 2010’s in the whole of the U.S. … I think it’s just humankind understanding things and making more sense of life as we get information, explaining that what we thought was fact actually was just superstition. … It does seem like sometimes we take steps back and ignore some of the information we’ve received and go back to a more traditional [society], and I don’t know why, but that’s why you just have to be as vocal as you can be. Sometimes circumstances don’t allow you to be as vocal as you would like to be, but to have an audience that’s willing to listen and to have an open dialogue, sometimes you have to enter into a place where you’ll just be attacked, so you have to be mindful and sensitive to your surroundings. But I feel there’s still enough space for open dialogue, and that’s where we’re at currently. Who knows how things will look later in a few years? But I still feel like we’re in a good place.
This Q&A has been edited for brevity and clarity. Watch David Archuleta’s full interview in the video below: