Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Chargers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Los Angeles Chargers. This 2025 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Los Angeles Chargers. Celebrating eight years of you forgetting that they’re no longer in San Diego!

Your 2024 record: 11-6, which sounds promising until I get to the part where they Chargers-ed for the 66th consecutive season. But we’ll save that disaster for later, because the Chargers would want it that way.

Now, this was supposed to be one of the worst rosters in football a year ago, but try telling that to all of the dragons these men slayed in the first half of the season. Goliaths like the Panthers, Saints, Browns, and Titans all had this team marked as an easy win on the schedule. But ICH DON’T THINK SO! LA beat all of those teams, sometimes scoring as many as 27 points in doing so!

Now sure, the Chargers may have also gotten doubled up in passing yardage by Justin Fields in a loss to Pittsburgh … and blown a 10-0 lead in a loss to Kansas City … and gotten beat at the gun by a truly pathetic Arizona team. But a 7-3 start to the season speaks for itself. As Bill Parcells once said, “You are what your records says you—OH SHIT THIS RESTAURANT HAS FRENCH DIP!” These weren’t your father’s Chargers, mostly because your father disowned them right after they moved.

Given preseason expectations, these Chargers were already playing with house money by the time they entered the back half of the schedule. And that’s a good thing, because they were beaten by a doinked-in field goal in their second loss to the Chiefs, and got outscored 27-0 in the second half against Tampa Bay. But they still drew Houston for their Wild Card opener, and the Texans went into that game an absolute fucking disaster. That team couldn’t block, couldn’t run the ball, and lost all of their best pass-catchers during the course of the season. The Texans were so dire that they weren’t even favored to beat these Chargers, despite playing at home. Let’s see what happened!

You won’t be surprised to learn that the Chargers led this game at one point. You will be surprised to learn they blew that lead just 15 minutes into the contest, instead of waiting until the very end of the game to choke on their own cleats. Houston nearly doubled up LA in yardage that game. Again, these are the Texans we’re talking about here. It’s hard to find a less accomplished franchise than the Chargers, but Houston more than qualifies. It didn’t matter. The Texans rocked that ass. Even when LA scored a touchdown in that game, it ended up only being worth four points. This is the kind of artisanal choke-mongering that only the Chargers can offer. Where would we be without them, I ask you? (San Diegans, don’t answer that.)

Your coach: Jim Harbaugh, who made like Pete Carroll and peaced out on his college job right before the hammer fell. That was a smart move by Crooked Jim. Every move he made after that? Less so. Picking the Chargers as your NFL landing spot? Bad idea. Hiring Greg Roman to engineer the shittiest red zone offense you’ve ever seen? Bad idea. Coaching with an irregular heartbeat that needed to be treated mid-game, and with a hip in dire need of replacing?…

Los Angeles Chargers coach Jim Harbaugh said Tuesday that he had a successful cardiac ablation and hip replacement surgery in the offseason. “The doctors can’t find anything wrong with me,” Harbaugh said. “A-grade.”

I’ve met Chargers doctors, Jim. They couldn’t have found the birthmark on Drew Brees’s face if they’d looked. Come Week 6, a xenomorph will burst out of your chest. Good on you for bringing that alien to full term!

Your quarterback: Justin Herbert, who is now out of time. My colleague Jasper Wang says that this has to be the last preseason where people can pretend that Herbert is gonna make a jump into the A tier of quarterbacks. But four picks in Houston already told you the story with Upmarket Trevor Lawrence here. Here’s PFF’s quantitative evaluation of Herbert to tell us what we’ve long suspected:

Herbert might be the best regular-season quarterback in non-clutch situations. His 91.0 overall grade over the past three seasons ranks sixth, and when excluding playoff performances, his passing grade actually tops Patrick Mahomes’. In standard game situations outside of late-game or high-pressure moments, Herbert owns the second-highest passing grade in the league.

OK, but what about in late game or high pressure moments? What happens then? Oh, you’re telling me that he curls into a tight ball? And that he’ll need just one playoff game to top his interception total for the entire regular season? Fancy that.

Justin Herbert isn’t leveling up. He’s just a classic example of an average quarterback who happens to have special arm talent, and he continues this franchise’s tradition of employing allegedly great quarterbacks who have never won fuck all. Just one lesser Marino after another. Over a year ago, a handful of teams called the Chargers front office asking about Herbert’s trade availability. I guarantee you that Harbaugh wishes he’d listened to those offers more intently. Now he’s stuck and fucked, just like the rest of you.

Your backup is the infamous Trey Lance, who played just well enough this preseason to excite our most gullible fans. Your QB3 is gritty turnover machine Taylor Heinicke, who will move up to QB2 by October, and probably to QB1 by November, because…

What’s new that sucks: Everyone died. LT Rashawn Slater is already out for the season just after the Chargers extended him. WR Quentin Johnston was concussed while dropping a pass. Classic Quentin. And new arrival RB Najee Harris pulled a JPP on his own eyeball in a July 4th fireworks mishap. I swear it’s safer to give NFL players a loaded gun than a pack of Black Cats.

Supposedly, Harris will be able to play football again, perhaps even as soon as Week 5 of this season. True, becoming a Cyclops could only improve ol’ Yellowbeard’s field vision. But that’s not much to get excited about.

What IS still worth getting excited about is Harbaugh and Roman’s renewed dedication to establishing LA’s ground game. They signed G Mekhi Becton out of free agency and then drafted UNC stallion Omarion Hampton—who still has both of his eyes—in the first round this spring to be their lead back. And while Slater is gone until 2026, they were able to move their other franchise tackle, Joe Alt, over to the left side to help make up the difference. Replacing Alt at RT is the delightfully named Trey Pipkins III, who still doesn’t know that Miss Havisham is his secret benefactor. That should be enough to move the chains on occasion.

“OK but what about their passing game, Drew?” Yes well, that … that still exists, I suppose. Ladd McConkey is still the only guy for Herbert to reliably target. Otherwise, he’s gonna have to pick and choose from an assortment of retreads and losers, including Johnston, TE Will Dissly, and a returning Keenan Allen. The Chargers also tried bringing back WR Mike Williams (why), but that guy decided to retire a month ago. Your best hope outside of Laddie are incoming draftees WR Tre Harris and TE Oronde Gadsden Jr.. Otherwise, get ready for a swing pass festival the likes of which ye have never seen. What would it be like for a single running back to get 600 touches in a season? Hampton is about to find out.

As for the defense, it remains stuck in neutral. Franchise legend Joey Bosa has departed for a residency at the Buffalo Rest Home For Washed Up Pass Rushers. He’ll be replaced in spirit by promising edge rusher Tuli Tuipulotu. The team also opted to extend Khalil Mack, although I don’t know why. Meanwhile, the secondary lost both of its starting corners to free agency, although Asante Samuel and his Mystery Shoulder Injury are still on the market if LA feels like bringing him back. Otherwise, it’ll be new arrival Donte Jackson on one side and on the other … maybe Tarheeb Still? Maybe Ja’Sir Taylor? Maybe Cam Hart? Those are all real players, although whether or not they’re real players is yet to be determined. This was the best scoring defense in the NFL a year ago. It will not be this year.

What has always sucked: You’re fucking cheap. Only six teams have more available cap space right now than the Chargers, and only one has more in 2026. Will you guys spend any of that money on important shit like wideouts, pass rushers, and maybe a board certified team physician? Come on, now. Grow up. Owner Dean Spanos was cheap as shit when this team was in San Diego, and his new LA accommodations are allowing him to go even cheaper from here on out. In that context, it makes perfect sense that this team is never good enough. It makes sense that, 66 years after the franchise was founded, the best thing about the Chargers is still the uniforms. It makes sense that they’ve always been canned ass, and always will be.

In fact, if you look at LA’s brethren near the top of the cap space list, you’ll start to make out a distinct number of teams, all of them family-owned, that are only interested in doing the bare minimum to compete. These are the cash-poor losers for whom the whole parity illusion does the heavy lifting. Dean Spanos will pony up for a name brand coach like Harbaugh, and he’ll extend Herbert because his quarterback has a decent TikTok reel of big throws. But he’ll never spend a fucking cent past that. He cares about this team just about as much as LA does. So fuck him, fuck Harbs, fuck Herbert, and fuck the Chargers with Nate Kaeding’s right foot. I hate having to think about this team. I wish it had been in the car with Junior Seau.

What might not suck: If you can endure the color guy fawning over him like he’s family, Ladd McConkey is insanely legit.

HEAR IT FROM CHARGERS FANS!

Patrick:

The Chargers are like a deadbeat dad that still pays his child support and sends a birthday card with $100 in it every year, but you haven’t seen or talked to him since he moved away 9 years ago.

Gabe:

Baltimore fans are still angry the Colts left. Seattle fans want the Sonics back. But San Diego? Getting the Chargers back scarcely gets a rise out of even the worst East County flophouse after their semi-annual cross burning.

Bigfoot will sign with the Seahawks before I see an LA Chargers fan.

Thomas:

The Chargers are the meme stock of the NFL.

Andrew:

I’m just so tired of everything the Los Angeles Chargers do.

Chris:

Because they have exactly one wide receiver worth a shit, they decided it was time to get their generational QB some help by signing….checks notes…Najee Harris?! Why? Because Harbaugh wanted him in college? What in the actual fuck?!

Ryan:

In the same offseason that Harbaugh visited Trump at the White House, the following happened:

Najee Harris severely injured his eyes with fireworks.

Denzel Perryman got arrested on gun charges.

Mike Williams signed, and then retired out of nowhere.

All Pro stud LT Rashawn Slater tore his patellar tendon and will miss the season. This happened 11 days after he signed a contract that made him the highest paid tackle in history.

Will any of this stop me from thinking this is the year we take down the Chiefs and win the AFC West? Of course not.

Richard:

I will never forgive Marlon McCree, damnit.

Jacob:

Jim Harbaugh: I will adopt the child you want to abort.

Child: I will throw 4,000 passing yards in a season.

Harbaugh: Hand me that coathanger.

Jesse:

Harbaugh has a quarterback with arguably the strongest throwing arm in the NFL, and yet he insists on installing a ground and pound offense while treating the WR room the way ICE treats green card holders. 

San Diego consistently finishes as a top three city where Americans want to live. Every time I see one of those rankings, I still don’t know what anyone does to make a living here. This is despite the fact that a decent starter home will run you in excess of $2,000,000. 

A guy in a flat bill Chargers cap almost ran me off the road yesterday. I was out for a run and he came at me full speed on a fixed speed bicycle, playing chicken until he swerved right at the end. I think I’m going to move to San Francisco. 

Daniel:

How I didn’t foresee the Chargers burning me for the millionth time, after supporting them for more than 15 years of painful (and imaginative!) failure… I just don’t know.

Monte:

My friend here in San Diego is still a Charger fan. If his wife cheated on him I would definitely console him, but it would make more sense than her not cheating on him because of the Charger thing.

Doug:

They’ll never win anything while Mahomes is alive, and even then…

Conor:

Lorenzo Neal was my favorite player growing up. I was a big kid, but fast for my size, and I dreamed of playing fullback. I watched 360p highlight videos of him on the mid-2000s internet. I pissed off my friends by insisting that LT wouldn’t be half the rusher he was without Lorenzo in front of him. I bought his jersey, and gladly answered whenever anyone asked, “Who the hell is 41?” Unfortunately, my high school ran a Wing T offense that valued speed over power, so I never ended up playing fullback. So even though I was fast for my size, I wasn’t fast enough.

Over the last 20 years, a half-dozen double-digit win Chargers teams have bowed out in the playoffs in both heartbreakers and blowouts. A whole shitload of 9-win squads have fallen short. From 2020-2024, including the playoffs, the Chargers have lost 44 games. 30 of those losses have been by a possession or less. There have been some terrible seasons, but most Chargers teams during the span of my fandom have been good, just not good enough.

In the spring of 2023 and in an early-morning haze, I left behind a bag on the subway that had my 41 jersey in it. The bag was never turned in to lost and found, and after a few phone calls to dispatch I gave up hope of ever seeing my old Lorenzo jersey again. All I have left is my memories and a lifelong connection to this godforsaken franchise. I guess that will have to be enough.

Alexa:

My brother and I roped my partner (a Packer fan) into attending the Ravens v. Chargers game in the ’21 season. After we got our shit kicked in, both the Ravens fans and ourselves were drunkenly spiderman pointing at each other saying, “See you in the playoffs!” Neither team made the playoffs that year. 

That same crew went to the Chargers v. Packers game last year. The highlight of the game for me was lady and the tramping a hot dog with a woman in the stands who asked for a bite. 

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