Before you jump down my throat like my esophagus is a waterslide, I haven’t bought anything Potter-related in nine years. I do not support J.K. Rowling or her pointless crusade against people trying to live their own lives. She can say that continuing to read her content is an endorsement of her political views all she wants, but I’m a fan of using her own words against her because I’m very petty.
Harry Potter was a standout feature of my formative years, so it’s hard not to be nostalgic for the Wizarding World. Though I’ve decided to disregard any material after the main seven books because fuck you, Jo. No, I can’t do that, can I? Because as much as I want to ignore the Cursed Child and Fantastic Beasts, they are considered canonical.
I don’t understand J.K. Rowling’s bigotry. I read her exhaustive essay on how she was SA’d and somehow decided transwomen were the perfect scapegoat. Wow, people will do anything but go to therapy, huh? You could have lived a semi-charmed life, not wasting your time hating people for things that were never your business to begin with. And yet you say that a series, which (albeit superficially) teaches against bigotry, totally aligns with your warped views?
Though there were signs of her developing prejudice in her writing, which is why I want to go back and analyze the entire Harry Potter series. It’s time to look past my nostalgia-enabled rose-colored glasses and analyze the books thoroughly. I am American so I have the Sorcerer’s Stone version, because Americans are too stupid to know what philosophers are, apparently.
In the first chapter, we get introduced to the Dursleys, who are characterized as being mundanely normal, though I’d argue that they are bigoted, pompous assholes. There’s a visual pun of Mr. Dursley’s work, because he works at a drill-manufacturing company. His work is literally boring. Mr. Dursley is implied to be a heavyset man. It’s a common feature in the Harry Potter books for evil-aligned characters to be characterized as fat and ugly.
We find out just how lenient their parenting style is, Mr. Dursley laughing as his son throws a tantrum and throws his cereal. Mr. Dursley hates anything he perceives as being abnormal, like a cat seeming to read a map. He hates the clothes of young people, taking the wizarding robes of people in town to be a new fad. He’s very much the “get off my lawn” boomer meme. He’s also established to be a horrible person to work with because it’s a normal day for him to be yelling at people over the phone.
When he hears the dreaded mention of the Potters, his response is to pretend he had hallucinated it. He runs into a wizard after work, who really isn’t paying attention to the Secrecy Statute. This pisses Vernon off and he shouts at the cat upon returning home. Mrs. Dursley makes it a habit to talk about the neighbors because she’s incredibly nosy. The news mentions the strange behavior of owls. I find this strange that the Ministry of Magic is just letting these lapses of secrecy go, but you could also argue they were so overjoyed about Voldemort’s downfall, they were too busy celebrating. I should also note that the First Wizarding War apparently didn’t affect the Muggle population too badly, not to the extent that the Second would do in the fifth to seventh book.
Now for the scene we’re all familiar with, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Hagrid leaving a baby on a doorstep like a delivered package. To be fair, it’s very unlikely the Dursleys would have agreed to take Harry in if Dumbledore contacted them through an emergency foster placement system. I still think the blood magic excuse for trapping Harry at the Dursleys is pretty flimsy when you consider other measures. They could have done the Fidelius Charm again, but made Dumbledore the Secretkeeper. Nope, the Dursleys is the “best place for [Harry],” because trauma is character-building.
Can you imagine Petunia caring for baby Harry while hating everything about him? Unfortunately, abusive families is a reality, so it’s not unreasonable to assume Harry, while heavily neglected emotionally, he was fed and taught basic life skills. His latent magical ability probably helped him some here. Harry grows up unloved while Dudley gets absolutely smothered by it to the point where he’s a spoiled shit who gets nearly 40 presents for his 12th birthday. Harry gets constantly abused by Dudley and nagged endlessly by Vernon and Petunia. He’s basically an unpaid servant.
I find it funny that when Petunia finds out Mrs. Figg can’t babysit, she points out to Vernon that Aunt Marge hates Harry. The Dursleys also hate Harry, but apparently not as much as Aunt Marge does. This means that they might even be afraid that Marge will do something sinister to the boy, which is a rare glimpse of responsibility in the Dursleys. They’re pieces of shit, but they aren’t going to hand Harry over to be killed by Marge’s bulldogs or something. Petunia is afraid to leave a 10-year-old boy alone in the house or car, not because of his well-being, but because he’d destroy them. They don’t just hate Harry, they fear him and know that he has been displaying magical abilities. And if you consider this after watching Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, it’s not an unfounded conclusion that Harry has the capacity to be an Obscurus. But so far Harry’s accidental magic has been petty things like shrinking sweaters and ending up on the school roof.
It’s weird that Aunt Petunia cares about Harry’s hair when she can’t even be bothered to buy clothes that actually fit him. I know hand-me-downs are a thing, but Dudley is described as very fat, so the clothes are way too large for Harry. Vernon complains about Harry often. It’s strange how Harry didn’t develop any psychological conditions from the constant barrage of trauma; however, I do like that Harry’s humility and good nature are an aversion to the trope of bad parenting always turning kids into serial killers.
Harry can’t even mention one of his dreams without getting scolded. He dreams of a flying motorcycle. I don’t believe that Harry remembered the motorcycle Hagrid flew him to the Dursleys on – infants’ developing brains aren’t capable of memories yet. There’s a small moment at the zoo where a kind vendor makes sure Harry gets something from the ice cream van. I like these glimpses of actual normal Muggles because they heavily contradict the ridiculous, pompous Dursleys’ insistence that they are the most normal family ever.
Dudley complains that his knickerbocker glory doesn’t have enough ice cream – another jab at how gluttonous he is. Knickerbocker glories are served in huge conical glasses with loads of ice cream. The Dursleys enable their son’s binge eating, buying him another and Harry gets to finish the first.
Harry starts talking to a snake in English, not Parseltongue. Or maybe it’s a case of the British Nazis trope where characters speak English for the audience’s sake but it’s understood to be a different language in-universe. Though there is speculation that the snake in this zoo is Nagini and Nagini was ret-conned to be a Maledictus (a woman who can turn into a snake and got stuck as one permanently) in the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Ret-Con Shit movies. The snake indicates where it was born and then suddenly Dudley gets excited and elbows Harry out of the way. The glass of the lizard terrarium disappears and reappears when Dudley is in the enclosure with the snake. Vernon then punishes Harry severely for this by locking him in the cupboard with no meals for a week. British Child Services, where the fuck are you?
Harry thinks about the story he’s told about his parents, but remembers green light and his scar hurting. Again, I question how he could possibly remember that, but…magic baby? Magic memories? Maybe it’s the Horcrux in his head?
Dudley make a sport out of bullying Harry and the Dursleys don’t stop him. Harry can’t even catch a break at school because no one wants to piss off Dudley’s gang. I know the Dursleys are awful, but surely the faculty would have done something? Asked why this scrawny kid always looked malnourished, wearing clothes five times his size, and had numerous injuries? And all this is worth it for a damn blood magic spell?
Dudley is going to a boarding school called Smeltings and Harry is moderately excited to go to Stonewall because he might be able to have some friends. Harry shows his ability to sass by saying he didn’t know his school uniform had to be so wet because Petunia’s dyeing some clothes for him. Harry gets the mail and is excited to see a letter for him – his Hogwarts letter.
He doesn’t get the chance because the Dursleys snatch it from him and panic. Here’s what I don’t understand: There’s a school for Harry who’s willing to board him for 9 months of the year yet the Dursleys think this is the worst thing ever. They are desperately afraid of magic and don’t want a wizard in the house. They think they can abuse the magic out of Harry. They’re technically right. Enough abuse and he’d turn into an unstoppable, hurricane-like force of magical clusterfuckery.
Then comes the most ridiculous sequence of the novel. The magical world is so obsessed with secrecy that they send thousands of letters through the slot, through the windows, in the eggs, and finally, fills the house with letters. How many freakin’ owls did they have around the Dursley residence? First, they try giving Harry Dudley’s old playroom for a bedroom. Then they drive off toward a shabby hotel. And then Vernon hires a boat to get to a rinky-dink cabin on a rock in the middle of the sea. Wow, you’re doing a lot just to make sure this kid doesn’t become a wizard.
Uncle Vernon somehow acquires a rifle. The UK has very stringent gun laws, so he must have acquired it illegally from a hunter or something. Yep, don’t mind me, just a normal family man buying a rifle before sailing across a sea in a gale with my wife, son, and hated nephew. I have a feeling Vernon would have loved 2A people in the States.
Then Hagrid bursts into the cabin, who got there…somehow? He says he flew, but it’s established in later books that Hagrid is half-giant and can’t fly on brooms because of his size. Did he Mary Poppins himself across the water? That’s an amusing image in my head.
Hagrid immediately bullies Dudley out of the way, which only seems rude if he didn’t know Dudley was a bully himself. I can’t help but have a soft spot for Hagrid because he’s the first person to value Harry as more than someone taking up space. But we can’t ignore the fact that he’s done some questionable things. He takes the rifle from Vernon, twisting it into a knot, showing his immense strength. He’s set off into a rage by Harry not knowing his real backstory, which is understandable. Hagrid also shows some derision for Muggles in general, though you can hardly blame him for calling the Dursleys out.
Hagrid tells Harry about his parents and Voldemort, the whole sordid tale. I’ll give this to Vernon – he watched a giant twist a rifle into a knot and still had the courage to badmouth him. He’s protective of his wife and son, for the wrong reasons, but anyway. Harry denies that he could be a wizard and Hagrid makes Harry consider all the times he was angry and scared. Uncle Vernon makes a grave mistake, insulting Albus Dumbledore, and Hagrid gives Dudley a pig’s tail.
Now, I understand rage. But Dudley wasn’t the one insulting Dumbledore, yet Hagrid gave him a tail. This is treated as a laughable moment, forgetting the statue of secrecy and the fact that it’s still a shitty thing to do. Even worse when you consider Hagrid was trying to turn him into a pig. You aren’t endearing Muggles to like magic if you’re doing this kind of stuff to them.
Well, that’s good enough for a first part. Thank you so much for reading.