I love Philadelphia. I think I may have mentioned it once or thrice before. The Women’s Film Festival starts next week and one of my favorite parts of hosting the festival is showing off our city. So I was delighted recently to meet two new residents of Philadelphia, Mike Feifer and Fabricio Badini, and to enjoy the city through their eyes. Some responses have been edited for length or clarity.
Where are you originally from?
MF: Born and raised in Atlanta, and then right after college, moved to New York, and then about a year ago, we moved to Philadelphia.
FB: Born and raised in Brazil until I was 9 years old, and then my parents moved us to the U.S. I lived in Florida for 30 years. I moved to New York City. I lived in New York City for seven and one year in Philadelphia now.
How did you meet?
FB: It’s an interesting story. Do you want to tell?
MF: So, I worked for L’Oreal doing marketing/social media, but I lost my job during the pandemic as everything was being cut. It wasn’t a big deal but I got bored sitting at home. So when bars started to open up in Manhattan, I would go just to get out of the house. At one point, I was like, “Maybe I should ask about a job.”
I saw Fabricio outside the bar and asked if they were hiring. He was managing the bar, and I got hired. We were both in relationships at the time, and we developed crushes on each other but we didn’t know it at the time.
Then a few years later, he texted me asking, “Hey, what are you doing tonight?” Which is crazy, because I was at Icon, one of the bars that he manages now in Queens. He said, “Stay there. I’ll come over.” And that’s kind of where it started.
FB: He was really brokenhearted about the relationship he’d just come out of.
MF: Yeah, it was quite messy.
FB: And then I said, well, guess what? I just broke up with my partner as well, so I need a shoulder to cry on too. So we had a few drinks and then was I the first one to say I had a crush on you?
MF: I don’t think it happened then because that night, I told you that I was going to Sleepy Hollow, New York by myself that Sunday. And I asked if you wanted to come. I don’t think we talked about having crushes on each other until maybe the second or third date, because we kept it platonic, even though we knew what was happening.
FB: Yeah, I wasn’t sure what to expect, because we used to work together. We were kind of friends. So I was like, this could turn into a great relationship or we could just be friends forever, right?
MF: [Laughing] And now, he’s obsessed with me!
FB: He made me laugh.
MF: Yeah, with my nosebleed on our first date.
FB: Yeah! His nose started bleeding really badly, but the way he handled it was so funny. Instead of making it into a big thing, he just plugged it up with some fabric. Like, this is our first date, and my date has a napkin sticking out of his nose! And that’s when I realized, I love this guy. And here we are three years later.
I had something similar happen and yeah, it can be really bonding.
MF: I mean, it’s important to see how people handle those situations. It’s the first date and he wasn’t freaking out. It’s kind of a sign to know what they’re like in an everyday crisis.
What’s the biggest crisis you’ve had to handle together?
Both: Oooooh.
MF: So he was living in an apartment with his ex at the time, and trying to leave. And it just so happened that one of my two roommates was moving to Chicago, so a room was opening up. I said, even if we don’t work out, we’ll have separate rooms. And he needed to get out of there.
So it was Pride Sunday in Manhattan. His birthday was Monday, so at midnight we celebrated. After celebrating, we came home… and found our roommate dead on the floor. He had a drinking problem, so we automatically assumed he just passed out from being drunk.
FB: Yeah. Mike went into the bathroom, and then I saw him flat on the floor, face down. And I said, Mike, I think he’s drunk again. And then Mike comes out of the bathroom. He’s like, well, let’s get him to bed. Then we checked on him, and it was gross, his body was cold and stiff. I said, “Mike, I think something’s wrong.”
MF: Yeah, you see it on TV or movies, but in real life, it was crazy. I was on the phone with 911, and he had to do CPR. But he was on his face and we couldn’t flip him over, so they had him do CPR through the back, under the shoulder blades. It’s not as effective, but you can still do it. Learn something new.
FB: 911 instructed me how to do it, and I did CPR on him until they finally pronounced him.
MF: Right after that, I got really sick. I don’t know if I was just over-stressed, because I was dealing with having to contact his family, figuring out what to do with his body, all that. We were roommates, but we weren’t close so it was hard. I lost 15 pounds in a week and he was there by my side the whole time. I think that really brought us close.
FB: Yeah, we moved out of the house about a month and a half later. Some strange things started happening around the house. We didn’t want to believe it, but it was weird.
Like what?
MF: Well, me getting sick for one. I had the chills like you get with the flu. I mean, I didn’t leave the bed for a week. Then we were cooking one night, and I saw something pass by the kitchen doorway. I looked at him, and said, “Tell me what you saw, because I want to make sure you saw the same thing.” He described it and it was the same thing.
FB: And then the day we moved out, there were pictures falling off the wall. I never really believed in anything supernatural until our roommate passed away and we started experiencing things.
So, speaking of growing up, tell me what you were like as a kid.
MF: I was creative, always off the beaten path, just did my own thing. My mom was very accepting of it; she always pushed my creative side. Father? I call him the sperm donor because he really wasn’t there. I get everything from my mom.
Only kid or siblings?
MF: I have a younger sister and a younger brother. Sister is three years younger. Brother, eight years younger. My sister, and I were best friends growing up. We went to private school, so it was like a 30-minute drive to school. So my sister and I really bonded. There were eight years between my brother and I. I guess we were kind of close until we were not. We had some political differences, and in today’s day and age, that really matters.
What was a favorite family tradition?
MF: Jesus, that’s a big question. Christmas Eve was always fun. It was not really about presents. It was tradition that my grandparents came into town from Florida, and the night before Christmas Eve — the 23rd — it was always pizza every year and then Christmas Eve was the night of Seven Fishes, and then Christmas Day would come and be whatever, a little leftovers, but then it would be lasagna, eggplant parmesan and meatballs.
So I’m guessing you’re Italian.
MF: Yes, half Italian.
Fab? Small family? Big?
FB: The whole city! I have an interesting story. So, my mother knew I was gay and on New Year’s Eve, when I was 14 years old, she asked, “Fab, are you gay?” That’s when I came out, and she got super depressed for three months. She took me to church and would make me drink holy water and use it to make the sign of the cross on my chest.
One time, she brought a priest over. I had no idea what was going on, and she’s like, he’s supposed to make you feel better. Basically, he said a few prayers and said, “Son, I wish you the best. You’re going to become normal again.” I’m like, “I’m 14, what does that mean?”
That lasted for a few years but as time went by, she realized that she would either accept me or lose me. So she became my best friend forever. And then one day, she was visiting me here in the U.S. and I introduced her to my transgender friend, Michelle. They were around the same age, and they developed a really good friendship. And guess what? They started dating.
Wow.
FB: Yeah! They dated for seven years. After all I went through with the holy water and everything, she ended up with a transgender girlfriend. Eventually, they broke up because of the distance. My mom lives in Brazil, and Michelle lives in Florida, but they’re friends to this day.
Wow, that’s a great story.
MF: And his mom is the nicest, kindest, most accepting person. So it’s crazy to hear that story and see who she is now. People could learn from her.
FB: A quick little story I wanted to tell. Mike and I are going to Brazil next year to visit my mom. I invited Michelle to come with us and she said, “Fab, I’m so scared of traveling right now outside the country. I may not be able to come back.” Because her passport has her dead name. How sad is that? She’s an American citizen and she’s scared to travel outside the country.
Very sad. Tell me what it is that you do now.
FB: Right now, I manage two bars in Astoria, Queens in New York, but I used to manage three bars in Hell’s Kitchen.
Are they queer bars?
FB: Yes, but everyone is welcome.
Mike, tell me about you and what you do.
So I went to Savannah College of Art and Design. I have my Bachelor of Fine Arts in photography, but I bounced around in college a lot with degrees or majors. I went from sculpting to graphic design to illustration. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. But I was doing very well in a photography class so I kind of stuck with it.
Now, I am a project manager and a graphic designer for a company in Manhattan. We focus on architectural signage. So it’s not your typical signage. It’s stuff like logos on a skyscraper. Designing and building it and making sure it doesn’t fall off the building!
So what brought you to Philadelphia?
MF: The cost of living in New York! When we moved out of our apartment, where the roommate passed away, we didn’t get a new place until two days before we had to move out, so it was very stressful, and we were grateful for it. But our neighbors were slightly homophobic, so after the year lease, we had to leave. Everything we looked at was so expensive, I was like, “This is just not happening.” So I did some research looking at different areas. We decided to come to Philadelphia and we fell in love with it.
What are some of the things that you enjoy about our city?
MF: There’s so much to do. Fall is our favorite season, so to be able to go pumpkin picking is very nice. I brought him to his first-ever Renaissance fair last year, which he fell in love with. I love history, so I’m in the best place for that, right? The food is better than New York. Sorry, New York. A ton of chefs from New York moved to Philly to open restaurants, and the restaurants are quite better here.
FB: I feel like what won my heart the most when I moved here was that the people are so nice. I’m sorry, but I’m not used to that. In NY, if they bump on you, they just keep going. They’re too busy to stop and say “Excuse me.”
But here, people are so nice. They open the door for you here. They say, “Excuse me.” It’s just a completely different experience.
MF: I suffer from anxiety, and since living here, I haven’t had any issues; it’s been great.
OK, let’s do a couple of random questions, what’s a scent or smell that makes you nostalgic?
MF: You know what’s funny? I had this the other day. I had treated myself to this high-end body lotion from Le Labo because I bought it and started wearing it when we were in Brazil the first time, so I associate that with his mom’s home and Brazil. Also, if I open a spice cupboard, it reminds me of my grandmother’s home pantry, and like all different spices mixed into one.
FB: I’m a huge lover of incense. It reminds me of home, my city, and how I grew up. My mom used to bring lots of it to the house. I grew up in a little valley surrounded by mountains, so it’s very cold in the winter, and it just reminds me of the greenery. Every time Mike goes somewhere, he buys me tons of it.
Last question. Do you have a favorite saying or a motto?
MF: I just always say, “What has happened has happened.” You really can’t change things, whether it’s people or how they treated you or what they did, so just keep going forward.
FB: I feel like life is too short to sweat the small stuff. If you’re healthy and if you have a roof over your head, you should consider yourself blessed. We’re living in a crazy world right now and we can see that many people are having it harder than we are. So just be grateful.
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